[Merged] Just for Laughs

[FrankDrebin]

Originally posted by Ungas

Wife to husband: Anong oras ka dumating kagabi?
Husband: Eleven
Wife: Anong eleven, mag-aalas dos na nung matulog ako, wala ka pa!
Husband: Honey, eleven to two ako dumating. Hindi pa kasi ako tapos, dumakdak ka kaagad.

Magandang idea ito ah.

:D

[Ungas]

Epektib yan! Subok na...

[FrankDrebin]

FOR THE SAKE OF OUR COUNTRY:

For the love of country and to unite the
opposition, Lacson has agreed to be the first
lady of FPJ.

-----0-----

YOUR WISE SELECTION: (Yr. 2004)

GMA/Flavier.... Ang pantay.
Lacson/Sotto... Ang lagay.
ERAP/FPJ....... Ang tagay.
Maceda/Osmena.. Ang taray.

-----0-----

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION:

Starring FPJ
Co-starring Tito Sotto
Introducing Nilo de Castro
Special appearance of Loren Legarda
Story by Ed Angara
Directed by ERAP
Produced by Danding Cojuanco
sa pelikulang
BAYAN KO, TODAS KA
A picture that all Filipinos must see!!!!

-----0-----

POLICE EFFICIENCY:

FRance: Police respond to a crime scene in 5
mins.
USA: Police arrive within 1 min.
U.K.: Police come in 30 secs.
Phil.: Police are always in the crime scene.

-----0-----
A NEW COMBINATION:

Confirmed: Legarda running for President with
Recto as Vice. The By-word:
Legarda corner Recto equals Mendiola, the
gate way to Malacanang!!!

[sHoCkAbSoRbEr]

Question:
Kaano-ano ni Winnie da Pooh si Fernan da Pooh?

LOL

[impulzz]

a man gets home late and finds wife fuming mad when he open the door...

wife: HOY!!!!!! LALAKE!!!!NAMBABAE KANANAMAN ANO?

husband: Anong nambabae? nag OT ako!

wife: Sinungaling!!!! nambabae ka nanaman at nag 69 pa kayo!!!!!

Husband: anong pinagsasbi mong 69. baket nakita mo ba? may ebidensya ka ba na nambabae ako?!!!!

Wife: oo meron akong ebidensya! tumingin ka sa salamin! may *** pa yang ilong mo!!!!

[ezgrand]

Translate MA ME MI MO MU BA BE BI BO BU in Kapangpangan:

Ma meh, mi momu sa kwartu

Ba be bi, bobu ka ba,

Lolo mu yun minumultu ka

[kimpOy]

Nag-aaway ang dalawang tanga?

Kulas: Ano ba ang gusto mo, away o gulo?

Tomas: Away na lang para walang gulo!

[kimpOy]

Anak: Dear Itay, padalhan mo ako ng pera. Kasi,
ang mga gamit ko, pinagkakain ng daga.

Itay: Dear Anak, wala akong pera. Kung gusto mo, meron ditong PUSA.
====

1. melanie marquez and boy abunda:

boy: o melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong nagmo-mormon ka na?
melanie: a okay lang yan boy kasi matagal na rin akong semi-retarded.


2. super sireyna contest:

emcee: anong masasabi mo sa death penalty?
bading; a ano po yun toot por toot, eye por eye.
emcee: paki-eksplika nga?
bading: ganito po yun: kung pinatay mo ang nanay ko, dapat, patayin din ang nanay mo!


3. little miss phiippines contest

emcee: anong gusto mong maging paglaki mo? little miss contestant: maging lalaki po.

4mr. world philippines contest

emcee: what do you think should a man possess to be successful?
contestant: i think, that for a man to be successful, he should be a responsible, because if he should not be a responsible, he will not have a successful. that is all. i thank you.


5. kuya germs, interviewing the boygroup, 98 degrees

kuya germs: are you already married?
98 member: no, i'm still single.
kuya: WOW! imagine that! what a koynseedense! three years ago, you are here, you are single. i am here, i am single. now, three years after, you are still here, you are still single. i am still here, i am still single! it's anbeeleebabol!




6. leonardo litton and rodel velayo, guesting on keep on dancing

charlene gonzales: hi leonardo, hi rodel, welcome to keep on dancing!
leonardo litton: welcome din po!


7. TV patrol coverage by JV Villar, of an old and ugly transvestite hooker, CANDY, reporting to police the alleged homicide attack on him/her by SAID ALAA, a Palestinian "client." This was shot just outside Said's prison cell, and Saad and Candy are standing side by side.

Candy: But him and me, we are already decisioning. That I will decision to not anymore demand a case to him.
(off-cam voice): paano mangyayari na hindi mo na siya kakasuhan.
Candy: That him and me, he will marry me.

Natawa na lang si Saad at dumeretso sa selda niya.

8. Eat Bulaga husband and wife compatability contest (a la New Married game)

Host: Misis, ano ang nilalagay ni Mister sa kanyang itlog tuwing umaga??
Misis: Johnson's Baby Powder!

[kimpOy]

Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? ("May bahay")
Ano naman ang kabit? ("May condo")
=========

In an obstetricians clinic:
Doc: "Hubad na, iha. Huwag kang mag-alala... I won't take advantage of you!"
Girl: "Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty at bra ko?"
Doc: "iyan lang sa may tabi ng brief ko."!
============================

[FrankDrebin]

In an obstetricians clinic too:

Doc: Ah iha, first time mo bang magpacheck-up sa isang OB?

Girl: Opo, medyo kinakabahan nga po ako eh. First time ko rin pong mag-buntis at magpacheckup sa OB.

Doc: Ah ok. Huwag kang matakot. Check-up ko lang kayo at ng magiging baby mo. O sige iha punta ka na dun sa may parang higaan doon at easy ka lang. Gawin mo lang yung position na ginawa ninyong mag-asawa noong unang gabi ninyo.

Girl: O sige po dok.

At natawa na lang ang doktor ng makitang naka-tuwad (ala doggie) ang babae.

;)