[Merged] Just for Laughs

[kiper]

Hahaha..tawa ako ng tawa..!! Ambobo nun grabe..hahaha..!!

Andami-daming may suot nun..pero di nila alam kung sino un. Siguro nga bokalista ng RAGE.

Ok tama na..baka may magalit pa sakin.

Sino nga pala pumatay kay Che?

[Gen1]

ganda naman talaga ilagay sa T-Shirt profile ni che guevarra. t-shirt-genic talaga. si Fidel castro ok din sa t-shirt lalo na yung nanabako siya. kung si joema sison ang ilagay mo sa t-shirt, comedy labas mo.

sa aking pananaw kasi hindi na relevant ngayon sina che guevarra. malaya na tayong iboto kung sino man ang gusto nating iboto. p*tris lang talaga ang maraming botante natin, hihina ng ulo.

[karlbo]

These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling)

collected by schools from all over the country.





My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please

execute him.

**Hala! Sige. Silya elektrika at bitay. Sabay pa! O kaya niyo yun?





Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

**pag nag-absent pala papatayin ka...siyet! Baka may rabies...





Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,32, and also 33.

**A grabe to. Nasa kalindaryo pa ang birthday ko kung ganon. Hahaha!





Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

**ano daw????





Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a

tree and misplaced his hip.

**hanapin natin!





John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

**bwehehehe... la ako masabi... Bwahahaha! Ganito kasi yan. Kinagat

siya ni Lola sa noo sa gigil. Tapos nabali yung ngipin ng pustiso niya.

Hahaha!!!





Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very

close veins.

**Buti pa veins niya. Close sila. Hahahaha!!!





Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse

Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

**ah.....eh....i.....ow....u....





Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre)

(dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

**Sinabi na kasi "LBM" na lang e. Pasosyal pa kasi.





Val was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

**So tran***ual pala si Val?





I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I

don't know what size she wear.

**At least may bago syang damit!





Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her

funeral.

**Ala e! "Mabuhay ang Patay!!"





Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could

not breed well.

**stud service ba yung school nya? baka gremlins siya.





Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

**Ay grabe! Iba na talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon. Hahaha!





Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore

throat,

headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore

throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the

best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going

around, her father even got hot last night.

**hahaha, telenovela... bow. Makuwento siya ha... Kulang lang sa pansin...

[stinkaboy]

:hihihi:

[baiskee]

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,32, and also 33.

haha..inabot ng 33.

at eto pa da best..

her father even got hot last night.

parang gusto pa ikwento yung ***life nila kinagabihan. :bwahaha:

[silver_corolla]

Mama has a point

Mrs. Jenkins comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner...who lives with a female roommate, Vikki.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Vikki came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
(This is cute)
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama, which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Vikki, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama.

Lesson of the day ... Don't Lie to Your Mother

[chieffy]

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to
be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum
cleaner.
Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of
minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she
proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged
his foot in the door and pushed it wide open."Don't be too hasty!" he said.
"Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."And with that, he emptied
a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner
does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam,
I will personally eat the remainder. "The old lady stepped back and said,
"Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my
electricity this morning !!!!

[BlueBimmer]

wahahahaaa

[chieffy]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor
of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known
heart surgeon in his shop The surgeon was there
waiting for the service manager to come take a look at
his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "
Hey Doc, can I ask you a question? The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked
over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic
straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at
this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out,repair any damage,
and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So
how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks,when
you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled
and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic.. "Try doing it with the
engine running.

[driller]

at last napapatawa ko na rin mrs.thanks sa jokes bro.

[BlueBimmer]

[yomar]

hahahaha ang kulit nun blue bimmer hahahaha

[silverbx986]

Language Problem

An American businessman is in Japan. The Japanese businessmen
take him out, get him drunk, and send him upstairs with a
hooker. As he's f*cking her, she starts screaming, "Nashagai
ana! Nashagai ana!"

He's going, "Yeah, baby, take it all..."

He keeps pumping, and she keeps screaming, "Nashagai ana!
Nashagai ana!"

The next day he's playing golf with one of the Japanese guys.
He slices the ball, and it goes way off to the right. The
Japanese businessman says, "Nashagai ana."

The American asks, "What does that mean?"

He replies, "Wrong hole."

___
ouch! hehe

[pparado]

Bird Calls

One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter species communication, his wife, had a chat with her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights calling to owls," the wife commented.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband."

Then it dawned on them...

[Elroi]

si Lolo at Lola (both naked) while drinking coffee after making love...

Lola: honey, effective yata talaga yung vitamins na ininom natin kanina... (pa beautiful eyes pa)

Lolo: bakit mo naman nasabi yan... gusto mo ba ulitin,hmmm? (pa-cute din)

Lola: kasi katatapos pa lang natin ay nag-iinit na naman itong dibdib ko... (sabay pungay ng mata)

Lolo: Ala eh... paanong namang hindi mag-iinit yang dibdib mo, eh yung suso mong lawlaw ay nakasawsaw na dyan sa kape mo...

[Elroi]

this one i got from another site... hehehe

Masahista Bisaya: Sir, anu ba gusto nimu... SOP or MODIRIT ?
Customer: Ano ba kaibahan nung SOFT at MODERATE mo ha, 'day ?
Masahista Bisaya: soSOPsopin ku pa ba o gusto MODIRITso na?

[IceColdBeer]

Eto sa dati naming katulong. Dito sa HK tawag nila sa Elevator eh "Lift". One day di na siguro siya nakatiis, tinanong nya ako. Tanong nya, Kuya bakit puro "Lift" nakalagay? Bakit walang "Right"? :eviltongu

[falken]

this one i got from another site... hehehe

Masahista Bisaya: Sir, anu ba gusto nimu... SOP or MODIRIT ?
Customer: Ano ba kaibahan nung SOFT at MODERATE mo ha, 'day ?
Masahista Bisaya: soSOPsopin ku pa ba o gusto MODIRITso na?

Hahahahaha.

[hens]

Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot? (What is the most common response from people after they "let of gas" ... errr, fart?)

American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!

[IceColdBeer]

Or I'm vietnamese