New and Used Car Talk Reviews Hot Cars Comparison Automotive Community

The Largest Car Forum in the Philippines



Page 11 of 450 FirstFirst ... 7891011121314152161111 ... LastLast
Results 101 to 110 of 4498
  1. Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    148
    #101
    Quote Originally Posted by chrispco View Post
    Hahahahaha! Nice one.
    That was an actual answer of a student here in our university.

  2. Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    2,833
    #102
    ^HAHA. Win!

  3. Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,902
    #103
    Pork Chop Duo classic:

    Use "parachute" in a sentence. Say it in a ***y way.

    "Wag kang malikot ... para shoot!"

    :naughty2:

  4. Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    717
    #104
    [SIZE=3]Magic wand[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. “Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“I agree,” says the Father. “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Anything, Father…”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Sister, would you mind if I touched them?”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Father, could I ask something of you?”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Yes, Sister?” I have never seen a man’s pen—. Could I see yours?”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“I suppose that would be OK,” the priest replied lifting his robe.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Oh Father, may I touch it?”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Sister, you know that if I insert my pen – in the right place, it can give life.”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Is that true Father?”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Yes, it is, Sister.”[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]“Oh Father, that’s wonderful ... Stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!”[/SIZE]


    got this from Boo Chanco's column.

  5. Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    634
    #105
    A blonde named Shelly decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn’t done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

    She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

    She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.

    To her disappointment, there’s nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

    Shelly: “I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s nothing on the tape but static.”

    Clerk: “Sorry about that. We’ve had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?”

    Shelly: “Head Cleaner.”

  6. Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    634
    #106
    i got this one from one of my FB friends :

    On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his predicament.

    Sir, she said,” You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.”

    He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them?

    He couldn’t resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men’s restrooms don’t have nice things like this.

    Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water,gently drying his underside.

    When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

    When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn’t wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

    Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.

    “What happened?” he exclaimed.

    “You pushed one too many buttons,” replied the nurse.

    “The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.”

  7. Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    634
    #107
    another one :

    A pro golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

    “I have some good news and some bad news.” says the surgeon. “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”

    “Oh god no!” cries the man. “My career is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?”

    “The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm! I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant”

    “Go for it doc” says the man. “As long as I can play golf again.”

    The operation went well and 6 months later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

    “Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.

    “Just great” says the business man. “I’m playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.”

    “That’s great.” said the surgeon.

    “Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors”

    “Unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a success.”

    “Well there is one problem,” said the golfer, “every time I try to jerk off I get a headache!”

  8. Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    634
    #108
    Enjoy :

    At 90 years of age, Henry marries Lisa, a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old, Lisa decides that on their wedding night, she and Henry are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together having ***.

    After the wedding and reception are over, Lisa prepares herself for bed, and for the expected visit from her new husband. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well. Henry goes back to his room and Lisa prepares to go to sleep.

    After a few minutes, Lisa hears another knock on the bedroom door. Henry’s ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, Lisa consents to further love making. When the newlyweds are done, Henry kisses Lisa, bids her good night, and leaves.

    Lisa is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Henry, as fresh as a 25 year old stud and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.

    As Henry is once again set to leave, his young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that you’re able to go at it all night at your age, honey. I’ve been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You’re a great lover, Henry.”

    Henry, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lisa and says, “You mean I was here already?”

  9. Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    634
    #109
    Pampasaya

    A middle aged wife had just returned to the house on a Sunday afternoon after her shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been extremely rude.

    It seems she was sitting down while he was helping her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any panties under her dress.

    Without even thinking, the salesman blurted out, “If that thing was full of ice cream, I’d eat every bite.”

    Well, the woman was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it.

    The husband just sat there, watching the football game on TV, and shrugged his shoulders. The wife became furious, and insisted on knowing why he didn’t go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman to defend her honor.

    “Well”, the husband replied, “There are three reasons I won’t get in a fight with that guy. First of all, you shouldn’t have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole closet full of them. Secondly, you have no business going shopping with no panties on. But most of all, I’m not going to fight anyone who’s big enough to eat that much ice cream!”

  10. Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    634
    #110
    Kayo gaano katagal kayo makakatiis ?

    Three couples – one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed – were interested in joining the church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new members. You must abstain from having *** for two weeks.” The couples agreed to the terms and they all came back at the end of the two week period.

    The priest went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from *** for the two weeks?”

    The old man replied, “No problem at all, Father.”

    “Congratulations, you are now members of the church!” said the priest.

    The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from *** for the two weeks?”

    The middle-aged man replied, “The first week wasn’t too bad. The second week I ended up having to sleep on the couch for a few nights, but yes, we made it.”

    “Congratulations you are now members of the church!” said the priest.

    Finally, the priest went to the newlywed couple and asked, “Were you two newlyweds able to abstain from *** for two weeks?”

    “No Father, we were not able to go without *** for the two weeks,” the young man replied sadly.

    “What happened?” asked the priest.

    “My wife was reaching for a can of soup on the top shelf and she dropped it,” said the man. “When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”

    “I see. Unfortunately this means you will not be welcomed into our church,” said the priest.

    “We know,” said the couple. “We’re not welcome at the grocery store anymore either.”

Joke Time!