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  1. Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    635
    #81
    Ang galing mga bossing! Stress reliever talaga!

  2. Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,266
    #82
    Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his hand.

    "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -"

    "Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids?."


    -- ---

    The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

    He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
    "There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.
    A few moments passed ... "An ambulance just drove by"
    "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out
    "Matt is riding a new bike....."
    A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving"
    "Jason is on his skate board...."
    A few more moments, "The Coopers are having ***!!"

    Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having *** ?"

    "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."

    --- ----

    Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson?
    Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?

    -- -----

    A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."

    The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"

    But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"

    The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."

  3. Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,266
    #83
    EVER WONDER ....

    Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?

    Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

    Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

    Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

    Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

    You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

    Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

  4. Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    181
    #84
    Quote Originally Posted by Hanren View Post
    Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his hand.

    "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -"

    "Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids?."


    -- ---

    The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

    He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
    "There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.
    A few moments passed ... "An ambulance just drove by"
    "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out
    "Matt is riding a new bike....."
    A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving"
    "Jason is on his skate board...."
    A few more moments, "The Coopers are having ***!!"

    Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having *** ?"

    "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."

    --- ----

    Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson?
    Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?

    -- -----

    A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."

    The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"

    But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"

    The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."

    LOL. so funny

  5. Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    181
    #85
    got this from another forum I don't know if this is true to life

    A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:

    Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in
    January."

    Citibank"The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

    Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections. "

    Citibank: "Since it is two months past due , it already has been."

    Family Member: So, what will they do when they find outs he is dead?"

    Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

    Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked this part!!!!)
    Citibank: "Excuse me?"

    Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"

    Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!)

    Supervisor gets on the phone:

    Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

    Citibank : "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply." (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

    Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

    Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

    Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
    Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

    Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number is given )

    After they get the fax:

    Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

    Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

    Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply." (What is wrong with these people?!?)

    Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

    Citibank: "That might help."

    Family Member: " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 38."

    Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

    Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet???

  6. Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,266
    #86
    The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
    One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

    When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.

    When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

    "What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

    "I think you're bad luck."

    ---

    The Levels of Insanity:

    1) Talks to self.
    2) Argues with self.
    3) Loses argument with self.
    4) Is no longer speaking to self.

    --- ----

    It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started...

    During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

    "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

    "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

    "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

  7. Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    21,656
    #87
    'to panalo. :hysterical:

    http://www.facebook.com/video/video....38385&comments

    " he put my hair on my pubic hair "

    WTF.

  8. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,346
    #88
    Quote Originally Posted by renzo_d10 View Post
    'to panalo. :hysterical:

    http://www.facebook.com/video/video....38385&comments

    " he put my hair on my pubic hair "

    WTF.
    naka-singhot ng katol yan............

  9. Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    #89
    Quote Originally Posted by renzo_d10 View Post
    'to panalo. :hysterical:

    http://www.facebook.com/video/video....38385&comments

    " he put my hair on my pubic hair "

    WTF.

    lakas tama ng katol..

  10. Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    634
    #90
    nice link try it !!!

    http://www.scrolllock.nl/passport/

Joke Time!