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  1. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,610
    #201
    Q: Why does a man marry?

    A: Lack of experience

    Q: Why does he divorce?

    A: Lack of patience

    Q: Why does he remarry?

    A: Lack of memory

  2. Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,266
    #202
    Anak: Itay! May manok sa kusina! Tinutuka ‘yung bigas!
    Itay: Paalisin mo!
    Anak: Oy, manok! Alis ka raw!
    Itay: Tanga! Takutin mo kasi!

    Anak: Manok, mumu ako! Awoooo!
    Itay: Hindi ganyan. Bugawin mo!

    Anak: Boss, chicks? P50 lang, oh!

  3. Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    316
    #203
    THE SILENT DEBATE

    Italians and the Jews
    >
    > Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the
    Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.
    >
    > There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so
    the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious
    > Debate with the leader of the Jewish community.
    >
    > If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy .
    >
    > If the Pope won, they would have to leave or convert.
    >
    > The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise,
    Rabbi Moshe to represent them in the debate.
    > However, as Moshe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no
    Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a
    > "silent" debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi
    Moshe sat opposite each other.
    >
    > The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
    Rabbi Moshe looked back and raised one finger.
    > Next...the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi
    Moshe pointed to the ground where he sat.
    > The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice
    of wine. Rabbi Moshe pulled out an apple.
    >
    > With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was
    beaten.. That Rabbi Moshe was too clever and that
    > The Jews could stay in Italy .
    >
    > Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what
    had happened.
    >
    > The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to
    represent the Trinity.
    >
    > He responded by holding up one finger to remind me
    that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.
    >
    > Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him
    that God was all around us. He responded by pointing
    > To the ground to show that God was also right here with
    us.
    >
    > I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God
    absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me
    > Of the original sin.
    >
    > He had me beaten at my every move and I could not
    continue."
    >
    > Meanwhile..the Jewish community was gathered around
    Rabbi Moshe. "How did you win the debate?" they
    > Asked.
    >
    > "I haven't a clue," said Moshe. "First he said to me
    that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger!
    >
    > Then he tells me that the whole country would be
    cleared of Jews and I said to him we're staying right here."
    >
    > "And then what?" asked a woman.
    >
    > "Who knows?" said Moshe, "He took out his lunch so I
    took out mine.

  4. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,346
    #204
    Eksena ng Mag-Ama.

    Tatay: Berto! kinuha mo ang pera sa bulsa ng pantalon ko 'no?

    Anak: Ano sabi mo 'Tay?

    Tatay: Sabi ko, kinuha mo yung pera sa bulsa ng pantalon ko!

    Anak: Di ko talaga marinig 'Tay , gusto mo palit tayo pwesto . Dito ka.....ako naman ang magtatanong.

    Anak: Sinong babae ang kasama mo kanina?

    Tatay: Ayy , Oo nga , Di nga marinig.

  5. Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    928
    #205
    Quote Originally Posted by chua_riwap View Post
    Eksena ng Mag-Ama.

    Tatay: Berto! kinuha mo ang pera sa bulsa ng pantalon ko 'no?

    Anak: Ano sabi mo 'Tay?

    Tatay: Sabi ko, kinuha mo yung pera sa bulsa ng pantalon ko!

    Anak: Di ko talaga marinig 'Tay , gusto mo palit tayo pwesto . Dito ka.....ako naman ang magtatanong.

    Anak: Sinong babae ang kasama mo kanina?

    Tatay: Ayy , Oo nga , Di nga marinig.

    Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

  6. Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    354
    #206
    I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful older sister.

    My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

    One day her sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.

    She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

    I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

    I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

    With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

    And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car..

  7. Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,266
    #207
    Sa sobrang kalasingan ni Juan, siya ay napaihi sa daan. Habang umiihi sa gilid, kinagat ng Sawa ang kanyang bird. Napasigaw siya.

    Juan : Araay! Pedro!!! Tumawag ka sa Doktor! kinagat ng sawa yung bird ko!

    Pedro : (Tumawag kay doc.) Hello Doc! Tinuklaw ho ng ahas yung kaibigan ko. Ano hong gagawin ko?!

    Doc : Sipsipin mo yung part na kinagat para mahigup mo yung lason.

    Juan : Ano sabi ng Doktor?!

    Pedro : Wala ka nang pag-asa!Mamamatay ka na!

    ---- ----- -----

    Wife: Shall we try a different position tonight?

    Husband: Yeah Excellent idea!

    .
    .
    .
    .

    Wife: You stand at sink and wash the dishes, and I will lie on the sofa & watch TV

  8. Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    46
    #208
    A priest walked into a barber shop in Quezon City. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

    Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community." The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.

    Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.

  9. Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    21,586
    #209
    Quote Originally Posted by chua_riwap View Post
    Eksena ng Mag-Ama.

    Tatay: Berto! kinuha mo ang pera sa bulsa ng pantalon ko 'no?

    Anak: Ano sabi mo 'Tay?

    Tatay: Sabi ko, kinuha mo yung pera sa bulsa ng pantalon ko!

    Anak: Di ko talaga marinig 'Tay , gusto mo palit tayo pwesto . Dito ka.....ako naman ang magtatanong.

    Anak: Sinong babae ang kasama mo kanina?

    Tatay: Ayy , Oo nga , Di nga marinig.
    nice one! hahahaha :hysterical:

  10. Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    451
    #210
    Quote Originally Posted by garfield_08 View Post
    THE SILENT DEBATE

    Italians and the Jews
    >
    > Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the
    Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.
    >
    > There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so
    the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious
    > Debate with the leader of the Jewish community.
    >
    > If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy .
    >
    > If the Pope won, they would have to leave or convert.
    >
    > The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise,
    Rabbi Moshe to represent them in the debate.
    > However, as Moshe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no
    Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a
    > "silent" debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi
    Moshe sat opposite each other.
    >
    > The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
    Rabbi Moshe looked back and raised one finger.
    > Next...the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi
    Moshe pointed to the ground where he sat.
    > The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice
    of wine. Rabbi Moshe pulled out an apple.
    >
    > With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was
    beaten.. That Rabbi Moshe was too clever and that
    > The Jews could stay in Italy .
    >
    > Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what
    had happened.
    >
    > The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to
    represent the Trinity.
    >
    > He responded by holding up one finger to remind me
    that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.
    >
    > Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him
    that God was all around us. He responded by pointing
    > To the ground to show that God was also right here with
    us.
    >
    > I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God
    absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me
    > Of the original sin.
    >
    > He had me beaten at my every move and I could not
    continue."
    >
    > Meanwhile..the Jewish community was gathered around
    Rabbi Moshe. "How did you win the debate?" they
    > Asked.
    >
    > "I haven't a clue," said Moshe. "First he said to me
    that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger!
    >
    > Then he tells me that the whole country would be
    cleared of Jews and I said to him we're staying right here."
    >
    > "And then what?" asked a woman.
    >
    > "Who knows?" said Moshe, "He took out his lunch so I
    took out mine.
    Nice one! :D

Joke Time!