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  1. Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    148
    #91
    Teacher: Rewrite this statement using past tense.
    "I see the butterfly".

    Student: I saw the butterflew.

  2. Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    #92
    A lady approaches her priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

    “What do they say?” the priest inquired.

    “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. ‘Want to have some fun?’”

    “That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem.

    Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible.

    My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”

    “Thank you!” the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house.

    His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

    The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,”Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”

    One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”

  3. Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    #93
    [SIZE=4]A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.
    She spends
    $15,000 & feels pretty good about the results.

    On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a
    newspaper. Before
    Leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my
    asking, but How
    old do you think I am?"

    "About 32," is the reply.

    "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

    A little while later she goes into McDonald's & asks
    the counter
    girl The very same question.

    The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

    The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

    Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a
    drug
    store on her way down the street. She goes up to the
    counter to get some
    mints & asks the clerk this same burning question.

    The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say maybe 30."

    Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

    While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
    waiting
    next to her the same question.

    He replies, "Lady, I'm 79 and my eyesight is going.
    Although, when I
    was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a
    woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to
    let me put my hands under your bra.
    Then, & only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you
    are."

    They wait in silence on the empty street until her
    curiosity gets
    the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go
    ahead."

    He slips both of his hands under her blouse & begins to
    feel around
    very slowly & carefully. He bounces and weighs each
    breast & he gently
    pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together &
    rubs them against each other.

    After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay,
    okay.....How old am I?"

    He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his
    hands, &
    says, "Madam, you are 50 years old."

    Stunned & amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible,
    how could you tell?"

    The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

    "I promise I won't," she says.
    .
    .
    .
















    .
    .
    .
    "I was behind you at McDonalds."[/SIZE]

  4. Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    #94
    [SIZE=3]Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?

    Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

    Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

    Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?

    Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

    Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

    Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

    Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

    Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

    Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

    Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

    Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..

    Caller: Oh ......God!!![/SIZE]

  5. Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    245
    #95
    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDfSPMB0Z7I"]YouTube - WOTL: Bagong Traffic Signs[/ame]

  6. Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    245
    #96
    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chZpGmthkOk"]YouTube - WOTL: Carnap[/ame]

  7. Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    66
    #97
    PEDRO

    It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez,
    the son of a Mexican restaurateur,entered the fourth grade.

    The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who
    said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "

    She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
    Patrick Henry, 1775." Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said,
    "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish
    from the earth?"

    Again, no response except from Pedro:
    "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

    The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!
    Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you
    do!"

    She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

    "Who said that?" she demanded.

    Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

    At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
    The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
    Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

    Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
    Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher,
    "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

    Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little ****. If you say
    anything else, I'll kill you!"

    Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra
    Levy, 2001."

    The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor,
    someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble now!"
    Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

  8. Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    66
    #98
    Host : Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
    Contestant : Banyo?
    Host : Hindi, pag pumunta ka
    doon, maaarawan ka.
    Contestant: Bubong?
    Host : Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
    Contestant : Beerhouse!



    Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
    Contestant : Lifebuoy?
    Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
    Contestant : Safeguard?
    Host :Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
    Contestant: Safe Buoy?
    Host: Hindi siya "boy"
    at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
    Contestant : Ah, Mr. Clean!

  9. Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    66
    #99
    Quote Originally Posted by GBStJames View Post
    Teacher: Rewrite this statement using past tense.
    "I see the butterfly".

    Student: I saw the butterflew.
    Hahahahaha! Nice one.

  10. Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    66
    #100
    TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in
    tagalog?
    PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
    TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
    PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?



    Job interview

    Boss: Why should we hire you?

    Tikyo: Mas mabuti po ang bagong tulad ko dahil wala pang sungay.

    Boss: English please.

    Tikyo: Well, you see, uh, I'm brand new so I'm not yet horny!

Joke Time!