Joke Time!

**chua_riwap** · March 19th, 2011 02:45 AM

Originally Posted by xoom

As always! Madaling araw na naman nakauwi si Rikardo galing sa inuman at
lasing na lasing. Pagdating nya ay tulog na ang kanyang misis kaya tumabi
nalang sya sa kama at natulog na rin. Kinaumagahan, Sa muling pagmulat ng
mata ni Rikardo ay nakita nya na ang katabi ay isang lalaki, bigla syang
nagulat at bumangon!

Rikardo: Sino ka! At ano ginagawa mo dito sa kwarto namin?!

San Pedro: Huminahon ka Rikardo. Hindi ito ang kwarto nyo
at ako ay si San Pedro.

Rikardo: Ha? Kung ganon patay na ako!

San Pedro: Ganon na nga iho.

Rikardo: HINDI!!! HINDI ITO PWEDE! Ang dami ko pang hindi nagagawa. Ang
dami ko pang naiwan sa mundo! Maawa ka San Pedro pabalikin mo ako sa
lupa kahit man lang para makapagpaalam sa mga mahal ko sa buhay! Huhuhu....

San Pedro: Teka huminahon ka. Hindi ka na pwede bumalik bilang ikaw pero
pwede kita i-reincarnate bilang isang inahing manok o bayawak!

Rikardo: Mmmm...kung bayawak baka mapatay uli agad ako. Inahing manok
nalang po San Pedro, pero ilagay nyo po ako dun sa bukid namin para
maging malapit ako sa pamilya ko!

San Pedro: OK pagbibigyan ko ang kagustuhan mo.

At muling nabuhay si Rikardo bilang isang inahing manok. Nakita
nya ang sarili na puno ng balahibo at kasama nya ang ibang mga inahing
manok sa bukid nila. Kinausap sya ng isa pang inahing manok na si Susy.

Rikardo: Whew, isa na akong manok ganito pala ang feeling. Teka
bakit parang umiinit ang tyan ko at kumukulo?

Susy: Ikaw ba yung bagong manok dito? Ganyan talaga ang pakiramdam
kapag malapit ka na mangitlog. Magrelax ka lang at hayaan mo syang
dumaloy.

Rikardo: Ano? Mangingitlog ako!!!. Oo nga pala inahin nga pala ako kaya
normal lang siguro yun.

Kahit medyo kinakabahan si Rikardo ay sinunod nya si Susy at nailabas nya
ang unang itlog. Matapos mailabas ang itlog ay guminhawa ang pakiramdam ni Rikardo.

Rikardo: Wow ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng mangitlog, napakasarap!
Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ito. Para akong isang ina na nagsilang ng
sangol! Napakasarap...ngayon ko lang naramdaman ito....pero teka bakit
parang meron pa?

Susy: Hwag ka mag-alala di tulad ng tao, tayong mga manok kaya
natin mangitlog ng isa hangang walo, kaya magrelax ka lang at hayaan mo
silang lumabas

Rikardo: Ganon ba? O sige. Maraming salamat Susy! Hindi ko maintindihan
ang nararamdaman ko pero totoong nakaka-antig ng damdamin.

At muli na namang nangitlog si Rikardo. Gumaan muli ang pakiramdam nya.
Napangiti at nasabi nya sa sarili nya na ito ang pinakamasarap na
naramdaman nya sa buong buhay nya kahit na noon namumuhay pa sya bilang
isang tao. Halos mapaluha sya sa galak. Naghahanda na sanang ilabas ni
Rikardo ang pangatlo nyang itlog nang biglang may matigas na bagay na pumalo
sa ulo nya at may narinig syang malakas na sigaw.

Misis: Hoooy Put**%*#! Mo! Gumising kang demonyo ka! Bakit
ka tumatae sa kama!!!

^ :hysterical:

**Hanren** · March 19th, 2011 08:22 PM

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool, and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act, he
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital. He now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Edna the news, he said, "Edna I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon did you say I can go home?"

**jansky** · March 23rd, 2011 04:27 PM

TATAY: mula ngayon walang magsasalita ng ingles.. ang sinumang magpa dugo ng ilong ko at sa nanay nyo, palalayasin sa pamamahay na to ! klaro ba ?

ANAK: ang mga namutawi sa inyong mga labi ay mataman ko pong iiimbak sa sulok ng aking balintataw,
sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, gugunam-gunamin, aariing salik ng aba at payak kong kabatiran..
tatalikdan ang matatayog at palalong banyagang wika, manapay kakalingian,
bibigkasin at sakdal timyas na sasambitin ng aking sangkalooban..

TATAY: (tulala)

**jansky** · March 23rd, 2011 04:32 PM

[SIZE=3]Anak: tay cnu mas matalino ang anak o ang Papa?
Papa: eh syempre dapat ang papa.
Anak: cnu nag embento ng telescope.
Papa: si galileo.
Anak: eh bakit hindi papa ni galileo ang uminbento?

[/SIZE]

**dcph172** · March 25th, 2011 01:38 AM

Originally Posted by jansky

[SIZE=3]Anak: tay cnu mas matalino ang anak o ang Papa?
Papa: eh syempre dapat ang papa.
Anak: cnu nag embento ng telescope.
Papa: si galileo.
Anak: eh bakit hindi papa ni galileo ang uminbento?

[/SIZE]

WAHAHAHAHA letche ang babaw ko haha

**nervenllarena** · March 25th, 2011 11:33 AM

Billy was on holiday in America and didn't speak very good English. It was his last day and he was heading to the airport to fly home, but first he needed to buy a few things.

He ends up going to the store and asking the clerk for some "BUM". She sits there and thinks for awhile and then says, "Oh you must mean gum."

Then he goes to the fish store and askes if he could get some "F*ck IT". The fish man thinks and says, "Oh I get it, you must mean Bucket (bucket of fish)"

Billy shakes his head as YES.

Then he makes a trip to the pet store and says, "Could I get a cock and spank it?" The pet store owner says "Oh you must mean Cocker Spaniel."

Billy shakes his head YES.

He finally makes it to the airport where he will be catching his flight.

When he gets there he askes this guy...

"Could you hold my bum and f*ck it while I get my cock and spank it"

**nervenllarena** · March 25th, 2011 11:35 AM

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!

**leadzmaster** · March 25th, 2011 09:15 PM

Originally Posted by nervenllarena

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!

wahaha

go little johnny

**leadzmaster** · March 25th, 2011 09:23 PM

Originally Posted by nervenllarena

A MAN'S ***UAL ANATOMY ANALYSED

A research group at the University of Western Ontario conducted a study to determine why the head of a penis is larger than the shaft. After spending hundreds of thousands of dollars, during months of research, they concluded that the head of a penis is larger than the shaft, to give the woman more pleasure during ***.

Scientists at the Queen's University questioned the findings and proceeded with their own study. After spending thousands of dollars, and after weeks of research, they concluded that head of penis is larger than the shaft, to give the man more pleasure during ***.

The research staff at the University of Waterloo thought both studies were incorrect. Spending twenty dollars for three days days of research, they determined that the head of a penis is larger than the shaft to prevent the man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead!

kaya pala

**leadzmaster** · March 27th, 2011 02:26 AM

A patient complains to a famous psychologist: ‘

Patient: Professor, I’ve been having
terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.’

‘Psychologist: Who’s been treating you until now?’

‘Patient: Dr Lal Rathor.‘

Psychologist: ‘I see. He’s an idiot. I’m curious to know what he advised you to do.’

Patient: ‘To come and see you.