Results 161 to 170 of 4555
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March 19th, 2011 08:22 PM #162
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool, and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act, he
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital. He now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Edna the news, he said, "Edna I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon did you say I can go home?"
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March 23rd, 2011 04:27 PM #163
TATAY: mula ngayon walang magsasalita ng ingles.. ang sinumang magpa dugo ng ilong ko at sa nanay nyo, palalayasin sa pamamahay na to ! klaro ba ?
ANAK: ang mga namutawi sa inyong mga labi ay mataman ko pong iiimbak sa sulok ng aking balintataw,
sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, gugunam-gunamin, aariing salik ng aba at payak kong kabatiran..
tatalikdan ang matatayog at palalong banyagang wika, manapay kakalingian,
bibigkasin at sakdal timyas na sasambitin ng aking sangkalooban..
TATAY: (tulala)
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March 23rd, 2011 04:32 PM #164
[SIZE=3]Anak: tay cnu mas matalino ang anak o ang Papa?
Papa: eh syempre dapat ang papa.
Anak: cnu nag embento ng telescope.
Papa: si galileo.
Anak: eh bakit hindi papa ni galileo ang uminbento?
[/SIZE]
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March 25th, 2011 11:33 AM #166
Billy was on holiday in America and didn't speak very good English. It was his last day and he was heading to the airport to fly home, but first he needed to buy a few things.
He ends up going to the store and asking the clerk for some "BUM". She sits there and thinks for awhile and then says, "Oh you must mean gum."
Then he goes to the fish store and askes if he could get some "F*ck IT". The fish man thinks and says, "Oh I get it, you must mean Bucket (bucket of fish)"
Billy shakes his head as YES.
Then he makes a trip to the pet store and says, "Could I get a cock and spank it?" The pet store owner says "Oh you must mean Cocker Spaniel."
Billy shakes his head YES.
He finally makes it to the airport where he will be catching his flight.
When he gets there he askes this guy...
"Could you hold my bum and f*ck it while I get my cock and spank it"
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March 25th, 2011 11:35 AM #167
In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."
The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!
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Verified Tsikot Member
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Verified Tsikot Member
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March 27th, 2011 02:26 AM #170A patient complains to a famous psychologist:
Patient: Professor, Ive been having
terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.
Psychologist: Whos been treating you until now?
Patient: Dr Lal Rathor.
Psychologist: I see. Hes an idiot. Im curious to know what he advised you to do.
Patient: To come and see you.
Choice I would have made as well.:nod:
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