[Merged] Just for Laughs

[Syuryuken]

Manny dethroning Emilio Aguinaldo



Manny as national hero

[Syuryuken]

eto pa

[gearspeed]

Sayang popost ko na dapat ito eh.. Naunahan ako..

[karlbo]

meron an nito hehehe

http://tsikot.yehey.com/forums/showt...4&page=2&pp=20

[j_avonni]

FURNITURE BUSINESS

WITH0UT GRAPHICS, THIS IS STILL PRETTY FUNNY !!

Bubba, a furniture dealer in Georgia, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in Georgia.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.

He invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her.

She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance.

They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

To this day, Bubba has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

[j_avonni]

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked.

I said to the guy, "Why are you doing that."

He said, "Because you came home early!"

[j_avonni]

Bruno: Ano ang nasa papel na yan?
Pedro: Listahan ng mga takot sa akin.
B: Patingin nga! Bakit andito ang pangalan ko?
P: Bakit, lalaban ka ba?
B: Oo.
P: E di tanggalin natin! Problema ba yun?

[hailax167]

(over the phone)
boy: "girl, sunduin kita mamaya ha!"
girl: "cge"
boy: "alrayt, pgdaan ko haus nyo busina nalang ako ha?!"
girl: "ok, edi dala mo car mo?"
boy: hinde, busina!"

[bavent]

MOTTO

Once upon a time, there lived a happy couple, with their 3 lovely triplet daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella. The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper fashion and when they
reached 20, their parents thought it was time to get them married. So, the parents found them the most suitable " leng chais" ( handsome guys).

They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon. As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, they were curious about their daughters' first-night experience.
So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, mother told them......

" Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you were satisfied.
Write a letter to us, but so as not to raise your husbands'
curiosity... you all must use a code-name to describe your experiences".
So, the excited daughters were off.

A week passed, they got the first letter. It was from Elaine.
They opened the letter and found the word "STANDARD CHARTERED". They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement.
"Ah! here it is!", the motto for Standard Chartered was....
"BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY"

They were happy. A week later, they got another letter.
This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE".
So, again they took the neswpaper and looked for the Nescafe ad.
"Ah! here it is. "NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP".

Again, they were beamed with joy. Another week passed.
A month passed. And another. There was still no letter from Ella.
They became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but managed to figure it out.

The code-name was "PHILIPPINE AIRLINES".
Why Philippine Air Lines?
Mom rushes to the nearest store and got a newspaper.
She flipped the pages frantically.
"Ah! Here it is!" and read aloud.
Before she could finish. THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair.

The motto was..
"7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP."

[mazdamazda]

putik... minsan ganito ako!

[Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder]
This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide
my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch
table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage
can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the
garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take
out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my che ck book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check
left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the
house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke
aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke
is getting warm, and I decide I should put
it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the
counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses
that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to
water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water
and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for
the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I
decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water
the
flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the
floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, ge t some towels and
wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying
to remember what I was planning to
do.

At the end of the day:

----the car isn't washed,

----the bills aren't paid,

----there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,

----the flowers don't have enough water,

----there is still only 1 check in my check book,

----I can't find the remote,

----I can't find my glasses,

----and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for
it,
but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know,
because
I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

[bavent]

A NEW POKER STRATEGY

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.

When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!Shocked by this, Jim, upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you like under there?" Surprised by her boldness, Jim courageously admitted that, well indeed. he did.She said, "You can have what you'd seen but at a cost of $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is, indeed, interested.

She tells him that since her husband Bob works Friday afternoons and Jim doesn't, he should be at her house around 2p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly, "Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact, he did give me $500."

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, replied, "Good, I was hoping he did. Jim came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friend, is a poker player!



The Monk

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound not Like anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. the next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception." The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound.. ....









But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk!!!

[j_avonni]

A long, long time ago, God went missing for six days. On the seventh day, Michael the Archangel found Him looking smug and happy.

"Where have you been?" the angel asked.

God pointed down through the clouds. "Look, Michael, what I've created. My masterpiece."

"What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance? What's that?" asked the angel.

God explained, pointing to the different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh, while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This place will be extremely hot while this place will be very cold and covered in ice."

"So that's balance, great," said Michael. "But what are those?" pointing to a group of islands.

"Ah, that's the Philippines," said God, "the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, mountains and forests. The people from the Philippines will be good-looking, modest, intelligent and humorous and they will travel the world. They will be very sociable, hospitable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as carriers of peace and love."

Michael gasped in awe and admiration, but then asked: "But where is the balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God replied: "Ah, wait until you see the idiots I put in their government."

[baiskee]

______
Ma_
Parishioner: Father bakit may nakasampay na daster, bra at panty sa may

kumbento? may asawa ka?

Father: Kung aasa ako sa mga donasyon nyo, di ako mabubuhay! Tumatanggap

akong labada!

_____



GF: I'm warning you! darating na si daddy within 1 hour!

BF: Eh ano ngayon? eh wala naman tayong ginagawang masama ah!

GF: Kaya nga! kung may plano ka, DALIAN MO NA!!

_____



Nun: I was raped... what shall i do?

Mother Superior: Hir, take this calamansi.

Nun: wil ds ease d pain?

Mother Superior: sipsipin mo! ng mawala ngiti sa mukha mo , Bwiset!!!



_____



Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?

Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo...

Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO?

Ay, tumigil ka na nga Luneta at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuya FX

mo!

_____



HONEYMOON:

Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin

Husband: You mean ako ang una?

Wife: Yes, do it na

Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!!

Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala

_____



Ama: Buntis anak ko, panagutan mo!

BF: May asawa na po ako!

Ama: Pano 'to?

BF: Areglo na lang po... 2 M pag Boy, 2.5M pag Girl

Ama: Ok, pero pag nakunan. GIB HER ANADER CHANS ha?

_____



Maid: Sir sinong mas yummy? si mam ba o ako?

Sir: Syempre naman ikaw day! bakit?

Maid: Naguguluhan lang po kasi ako eh... sabi kasi ng driver, eh mas yummy

daw talaga si mam!

_____



Wife: Dear, ano reglamo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin?

Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa...

Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin?

Husband: Susunduin na kita!

_____



BUS HINOLDAP!



Holdaper: re-reypin ko lahat ng babae dito!

Prosti: ako na lang po, maawa kayo sa iba..

Lola: Sinabi na ngang LAHAT eh! sasagot pa! gagang 'to!

_____



Dalawang probinsyano sumakay sa elevator



Gorio: magkano ibabayad natin?

Andoy: tanga! inosente! bugok! stupid! bat ka magbabayad eh wala pa tayong

tiket!



_____



Pedro bumps a foreigner



Pedro: ay sori

Foreigner: sorry too

Pedro: sori 3

Foreigner: what are you sorry for?

Pedro: (kala mo bobo ako ha!) sori 5

Foreigner: i think you are sick!

Pedro: hahahaha! sick daw, seven sunod!

_____



Pedro: Pare bakit malungkot ka?

Juan: Asawa ko nag hire ng driver, Gwapo, Bata, Macho!

Pedro: Nagseselos ka?

Juan: Nagtataka lang ako kasi wala kaming sasakyan!

_______


Women are physically stronger than men...

Why?

Because women can carry two mountains at a time!

while men can carry only two eggs...

Take Note!

with the help of a bird pa!

_____



Madre: Father, tell your seminarian not to urinate along the fence...

Father: Sister naman, maliit na bagay lang papansinin mo pa...

Madre: No Malalaki, Father.. Malalaki!Shocked

____



Alam mo ba kung bakit may sabaw ang balot?

Kung Ikaw kaya ang ikulong sa shell... saan ka ji-jingle?

Aber?

Saan??

Sumagot kaaaa!!!

SaaaAANNNNNNN ?!?!?! Angry

_____





Ama: Hoy! Huwag kang babakla bakla ha?

Anak: Hindi po Itay, pupunta nga ako ng basketbolan eh!

Ama: Yan! Astig!

Anak: Inay? nakita mo yung POMPOMS ko?

Ina: Alin? yung pink? Wink

_____





Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala Niya ang

limang anak namin."



Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"



Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa Iyo diyan!"

_____



Juan: San ka galing?

Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.

Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?

Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!

_____



Two nurses on duty...

Nurse 1: Hoy! Gaga, bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo!

Nurse 2: Ha? susmaryosep! kaninong pwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpen

ko!!Shocked

[bavent]

CATHOLIC MOTHERS



Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how
important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks
into
a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop.
Whenever he
walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but
my son
is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your
Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"


She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'4", hard bodied, well hung, male
stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God...."

[claRkEnt]

From SMS:

What's the difference between
> GF
> Prostitute
> Wife


Answer:
* GF - Post Paid
* Prosti - Pre-paid
*Wife - Unlimited
--------------------------------

ANo kaibahan ng Kare-kare at Babae?


Answer:
Ang kare-kare pag kinain, may giniling na mani.
Ang babae, gumigiling pag kinakain ang ****.

[nat2x]

coolness!!!!

[bavent]

>The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a
>great chest you have."
>
>He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."
>
>He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you
>have."
>
>The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."
>
>He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the
>apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and
>chases after her.
>
>He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like
>that.
>
>The blonde replied "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
>after I saw how short the fuse was!"

[outmap]

[SIZE="3"]Juan: "Miss, saan malapit ang building ng PAG-IBIG?"

Chelsea: "Oh, sorry... But I can’t understand Tagalog. Can you speak in English?"

Juan: "Miss… Where is the Love?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE="1"](what's wrong with the world mama'?!)[/SIZE]
:rave:

[j_avonni]

[SIZE="3"]Juan: "Miss, saan malapit ang building ng PAG-IBIG?"

Chelsea: "Oh, sorry... But I can’t understand Tagalog. Can you speak in English?"

Juan: "Miss… Where is the Love?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE="1"](what's wrong with the world mama'?!)[/SIZE]
:rave:

Anong sinagot ni Chelsea?

[GasJunkie]

Want to go eat at pekpek carinderia????







:hysterical: