[Merged] Just for Laughs

[mazdamazda]

The daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her out:

"Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us? Not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mom through??!!"

The girl, crying: "Sniff, sniff.. dad.. I became a prostitute..."

"WHAT? Out of here, you shameless harlot, sinner! You're a disgrace to this family! I don't ever want to see you again!" OK, Dad. As you wish. I just came back to give Mom this fur coat and title to a mansion, a savings account certificate of $5 million for my little brother, and for you, Daddy, this gold Rolex, the spanking new BMW that's parked outside and a lifetime membership to the Country Club.. and an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve, on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and ..

"Now what was it you said you had become?"

Girl, crying again: Sniff, sniff "A prostitute Dad!"

"Oh, Gee! you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "A Protestant! Come here and give your old man a hug!"

[BlueBimmer]

wahahahahhaha!!!!

[mazdamazda]

The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved in its original, unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog. Please read with feelings...



October 1996



To Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you're very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I'm realize that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you're habit of making pakialam all his walks and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.

And then he say he get ashame to met iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you're very, very, very fat body. But you hate it. Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of Jose Marie Chan? Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I'm never call you names iether in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don't have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING. You can't blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more ***ier than you when you look to us in the mirror.

I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.



Love,
The ***iest Girl of D.M.



P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me. There you go.

[BlueBimmer]

good english!

[mhelskie]

uuuuuyyyy naintindihan ko ibig nyang sabihin kahit sobrang tawa ko habang binabasa letter nya!!! wahahahahaha

[silverbx986]

When the "F" word is acceptable.....

There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use.


They are as follows:


11. "What the F*** do you mean, we are sinking?"

-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912



10. "What the F*** was that?"

-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945



9. "Where did all those F***ing Indians come from?"

-- Custer, 1877



8. "Any F***ing idiot could understand that."

-- Einstein, 1938



7. "It does so F***ing look like her!"

-- Picasso, 1926



6. "How the F*** did you work that out?"

-- Pythagoras, 126 BC



5. "You want WHAT on the F***ing ceiling?"

-- Michelangelo, 1566



4. "Where the F*** are we?"

-- Amelia Earhart, 1937



3. "Scattered F***ing showers, my butt!"

-- Noah, 4314 BC



2. "Aw c'mon. Who the F*** is going to find out?"

-- Bill Clinton, 1998 and a drum roll please............!



1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this F***ing mad."

-- Saddam Hussein,


And if you have seen this before, am I supposed to be F***ing sorry?

[silverbx986]

This is when you need good hearing skills!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose and still heavily sedated from a 4-hour
operation. A young nurse appears in his room to sponge his hands and
feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles
black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only
here to wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his 'johnson'
in one hand and his testicles in the other hand, takes a close look and
says, "There's nothing wrong with them."

The man removes his oxygen mask and says very slowly, "That was really nice, but listen very, very closely, "Are...my...test...results...back?"

[Field Master]

A Filipino is having breakfast in a hotel in France one morning...
coffee, croissants,bread, butter & jam when an
American, chewing a gum, sits down next to him. ThePinoy ignores the
Kano who,nevertheless, starts a conversation:
Kano: "You Filipinos eat the whole bread??"
Pinoy (nayayabangan sa Kano): "Of course."
Kano: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In America, we only eat
what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it,
transform them into croissants and sell them to the Philippines."
The American has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence.
Still The American persists.
Kano: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
Pinoy: "Of Course."
Kano: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In
America we eat fresh fruits for breakfast, then we put all the peels,
seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into
jam and sell the jam to the Philippines."
Pinoyasar na talaga) asks: "Do you ve *** in America?"
Kano:"Why of course we do."
Pinoynow smirking): "And what do you do with the condoms once you've
used them?"
Kano: (a bit puzzled): "We throw them away, of course."
Pinoy: "We don't. In my beloved Philippines, we put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them into chewing gum and sell them to America...
BWAHAHAHA!!

[BlueBimmer]

Lol

[silverbx986]

joke time muna ulit....

The Dentist's Office

A man walks into the dentist's office with a toothache, and after the dentist examines him, he says, "That tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "No way. I hate needles. I'm not having any shot!" So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll go with the gas." The man replies, "Absolutely not. It makes me sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "Here" he says. "Take this pill." The man asks, "What is it?" The doc replies, "Viagra". The man looks surprised, "Will that kill the pain?" "No." replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth."