Ngayon lang ako nag mourn ng ganito sa hindi ko relative. Ever since I knew of his passing, I couldn't function na. Hindi ako makakain, tulog, ligo etc. I have documents I need to review that my whole family and lawyers are waiting for, hindi ko magawa. Tonight I slept on my bed without sheets because I TRIED to do things I normally do like change my sheets pero I just end up crying and that's when I fell asleep sa pagod ng iyak. Kapag hindi ako umiiyak parang sasabog dibdib ko, like now wala ako kausap so I am posting here and crying.
It is so sudden. Yun ang masakit. He was still young at marami pa siyang matutulungan. Seeing posts about him, nakikita ko how consistent he was with people - yung pagiging helpful, humble and generous. He is close to being a saint sa bait. He was so perfect. Looking back, it was sacrilege to even compare him to crush. Kay crush I was deeply disappointed dahil mali pagkaka kilala ko sa kanya. Kay Dr Cutie, he was consistent in words and actions, when he tells me not to worry and he will take care of it - he did. He really had a heart of gold. Daming posts ng mga natulungan niya, and his batchmates in HS and COllege really looked up to him because he was so generous in sharing his talent and intelligence. I mourn not just for myself and family but for everyone else and the people he could have helped with a longer life.
I would look at his photo and I still could not believe he is gone. Kausap ko lang siya a few weeks ago and this week I was supposed to contact him pero wala na siya
Losing him, I am not just worried but I am scared. I only look up to 4 men in my life and that is my Dad, ex Kuya, Dr Cutie and my boss. Sila lang kasi yung could make me feel safe, protected and secure tapos nawala pa si Dr Cutie.
Si Dr Cutie recent lang sa buhay ko but he made such an impact. Yung family friend dr namin passed away a few months ago, siya yung takbuhan ng Mom and Tita ko and I cried when he passed din but they said not to worry I have Dr Cutie. Si Dr Cutie, he's a big shot surgeon pero ang BILIS MAG REPLY SAKIN. He NEVER disappointed me. Ang sakit sakit talaga, just how important and expensive is his time and yet he never dismissed me or my hypochondria. I told him naman e na bakit kapag marami ako mararamdaman I would text him and all he needed to say was I'd be okay nawawala agad symptoms ko (eg palpitations or shortness of breath). Yung ibang doctors ko, pag magtatanong ka, you need to set up online appointment (of course bayad yan) Nahihiya na rin kasi ako minsan kulitin si Dr Cutie. Si Dr Cutie he never made us pay PF, alam ko PF niya nasa 2.5k-4k. Pag punta ako sa clinic niya, I don't even appointment na, basta text ko siya na pupunta ako. I will also miss pag nasa Ortigas office ako and I would drop by his clinic to chat with him. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan bakit kinuha siya agad. Yung sakit na nararamdaman ko, ilang yrs ko pa lang kilala, paano pa his family and friends who he has known his whole life? I can't imagine their pain
That's what I told my MOm nga, I wanted more time with him. I have no regrets because Dr Cutie knows how much I look up to him and appreciate him. But our time together was not enough, he is so young and everyone was shocked at how sudden it was. Wala mag iisip na mawawala siya, he was not sick, he did not have cancer, kidney disease or covid etc. I see so much of my Dad in him (even physically), shadow is probably right that I have Daddy issues, because very few men can give me that feeling of security. Sa family and friends ko, parati sinasabi masyado malakas personality ko, that is because I have NO CHOICE. Kaya I cherish the few people where I can show my vulnerability. Tama yung friend ni Dr Cutie that when you are with him he gives a warm and re-assuring presence