Joke Time!

[d'flash]

Paktay ng dahil sa kisses, lolz | Facebook

[Retz]

[carlos]

A group of Cubans deserted their island. In the middle of their arduous journey to Miami, the oldest Cuban aboard, suffers a major heart attack and asks for a flag of his country, to bid good-bye to his dearest Cuba. The other Cubans search desperately in their boat to find even anything that will resemble a flag of their country to fulfill the old man's last request.

A T-shirt, a handkerchief, etc. Exhausted and almost ready to give up all hopes, a 20-year-old girl interrupts their desperate search and shyly tells them of her tattoo of the Cuban flag that is inscribed on the left cheek of her buttocks.

The leader of their journey persuades the girl to show it to the dying old man, and that she will be doing him a great favor. The young girl slowly pulls down her shorts and lowers her underwear, showing the Cuban flag in a beautifully shaped tanned buttock. She approaches the dying man and sticks her ass right on his face. The old man caresses the "flag," grabs the cheek with both hands and starts kissing the flag with great passion saying, "My dear Cuba, I bid good-bye to you with great sadness, my beautiful land, my flag, my Havana. I will miss you."

After going passionately for almost 15 minutes, he says to the girl, "Now chica, turn around, por favor, I want to kiss Fidel good-bye!"

[Retz]

[chua_riwap]

[Retz]

^

busy si ate.

[joemarski]

[Retz]

[iceman_uel]

I don't know if this have been already posted here pero pasingit na rin..


(Saan Nga Ba?)

A naked girl rode on a taxi...
"Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan niya, "Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?
"The driver replied, "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo."...


(Paniki)

A black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy...
Baby: Does this mean I am an angel???
Fairy: (laughs) Of course not! 'Tong negrang 'to! Ambisyosa! PANIKI ka!!


(Pedro)

KONSEHAL: Paki acknowledge si Mayor. Late dumating, hayun kararaan lang!
PEDRO (Emcee): I WUD LYK TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE LATE MAYOR HU JUST PASSED AWAY.


(SH)

Pedro: may ka-eyebol aq mamya.. anu kya itsura nia?
kc sbi nya kamkha dw cia celebrity.. "SH" amg cmula
ng name...
Juan: jackpot ka, Pedro! Bka SHeri or SHaina!
(matapos ang eyebol, uwi c Pedro)
Juan: kmusta eyebol mo? Bakit ka mlungkot?
Pedro: "SHrek" amp


(Libing)

Juan: San ka galing?

Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.

Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?

Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!


(jalibee)

Hari: Ano gusto mong parusa? ipakain sa leon o pasukan ng bubuyog sa ilong?

Pedro: Mas gugustuhin ko pong pasukan ng bubuyog sa ilong.

Hari: Mga kawal! ilabas si Jolibee!


(Mahalay)

GF: I'm warning you! darating na si daddy within 1 hour!

BF: Eh ano ngayon? eh wala naman tayong ginagawang masama ah!

GF: Kaya nga! kung may plano ka, DALIAN MO NA!!


(Side - B)

A mental patient is singing while lying on a hospital bed.
after a song dumapa sya
the nurse asked...
"O, bakit ka bumaliktad?"
he answered:
"Addict ka ba?! Side B na kaya!"


(Misis)

Misis: lolokohin ko mister ko, magpapanggap ako na prosti dito sa kanto namin

(dumaan ang mister nya...)

Misis: Pogi! available ako ngayon, pwede ka ba?

Mister: Yoko sayo kamukha mo misis ko!


(Stepen Spielberg)

A chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk in a bar...

Spielberg hit the chinese...

Chinese: why you hit me?

Spielberg: coz you bombed Pearl Harbor, my father died there.

Chinese: but I am chinese not Japanese, stupid!

Spielberg: Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese... all the same!

... chinese punched Spielberg

Spielberg: why you hit me too?

Chinese: Thats for the sinking of TITANIC.

Spielberg: but the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, you fool!

Chinese: Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg... you are all the same!!


(Magasawa)

A Husband came home 4AM and saw his wife in bed with another man

His wife shouted at him,

"Where have you been?"

Husband: "Who is that man?!?"

Wife: "Grabe ka! Dont change the topic!!"


(For Hire)

Pedro: Pare bakit malungkot ka?

Juan: Asawa ko nag hire ng driver, Gwapo, Bata, Macho!

Pedro: Nagseselos ka?

Juan: Nagtataka lang ako kasi wala kaming sasakyan!


(Tagumpay)

Mommy 1: Ano ang pinapainom mo sa baby mo?
Mommy2: Promil para Matatag na Pangarap! eh ikaw?
Mommy3: Ako? Emperador, sa Totoong Tagumpay!


(Gerlfrend)

Pare 1: Pare, sa wakas nag ka GF na rin ako!!
Pare 2: Bakit!?! Ngayon ka lang ba nagka GF?
Pare 1: OO pare! sobrang higpit kasi ni Misis eh! Ngayon lang ako nakalusot!


(kawawa)

Sino mas kawawa? yung taong iniwan ng mahal nya?
o mga taong nagmamahal ng walang gusto sa kanya?
pareho lang di ba?
pero mas kawawa yung taong...
bihis na bihis na tapos...
hindi naman pala kasama !?!

[Retz]