Live alone or live with parents?

**OTEP** · July 14th, 2007 09:19 PM

But, I've seen more than one adult living with their parents who were treated like they were still a kid.

Yeah, tell me about it. I know a set of parents that wouldn't even teach their kids how to drive! hehehe. And when one parent overheard the kid asking me about real estate, the parent said: "Malaki naman itong bahay natin, ha!". And their kids are significantly older than me!

Rather than teaching their kids how to handle life, the parents seem to want to never let the child leave. No one teaches them how to talk to other people (a representative from their business would always transact on their behalf for even the simplest things like LTO, BIR, SSS, etc.). Up to now they have to wait for an 'electrician' to replace busted lightbulbs. :lol:

I really appreciate growing up in an environment where my parents were just like good pals. When kimpOy saw my dad, he though my dad was my kuya.

Even my wife seems to think it's better to be away from the parents.

This is also what my parents keep telling me. I think they've been telling me this since I was in high school. Probably because they had to go through the hardships of 'nakikitira' during the first few years of their married life.

**Jun aka Pekto** · July 14th, 2007 09:54 PM

Originally Posted by OTEP

Yeah, tell me about it. I know a set of parents that wouldn't even teach their kids how to drive! hehehe. And when one parent overheard the kid asking me about real estate, the parent said: "Malaki naman itong bahay natin, ha!". And their kids are significantly older than me!

Rather than teaching their kids how to handle life, the parents seem to want to never let the child leave. No one teaches them how to talk to other people (a representative from their business would always transact on their behalf for even the simplest things like LTO, BIR, SSS, etc.). Up to now they have to wait for an 'electrician' to replace busted lightbulbs. :lol:

I really appreciate growing up in an environment where my parents were just like good pals. When kimpOy saw my dad, he though my dad was my kuya.

This is also what my parents keep telling me. I think they've been telling me this since I was in high school. Probably because they had to go through the hardships of 'nakikitira' during the first few years of their married life.

Well you know, they're parents. They will do what they think is best. It could be a pain sometimes like in my case. Even so, I know my mom only wanted to do what she thinks is best for me. I do have her blood. So, I'm equally stubborn in living my own life.

Being a parent myself, I may see myself in my parents' shoes years from now. I keep telling my daughter, "When you're 18, you're out the door". Of course, I'm just saying that. She can stay with us as long as she wants once she becomes an adult. But, we'll always be ready to help her out when she does move out.

**spongee** · July 14th, 2007 10:00 PM

its ok naman for a single guy to live with his parents as long as he knows to share certain responsibilities like bills, chores...etc..well if the family is well-off na may mga maids mas ok.

pero ang di ko ma-stomach is yung may sarili ka nang pamilya e nakatira ka pa sa kanila..

it could be the other way around tho..at least ikaw ang tumatayong padre de pamilya..

**LEB** · July 16th, 2007 07:26 PM

Originally Posted by Jun aka Pekto

In a perfect world, parents will treat their kids as adults when they reach aduthood. But, I've seen more than one adult living with their parents who were treated like they were still a kid.

Well, that's not really the parents' fault. Parents are parents. In their eyes, their kids will always be their kids and will always do what they think is right for their kids.

In my case, I have a mom who wanted to control aspects of my life. An example is who I should have married. If it was up to her, she would've arranged me to marry someone (a rich friend's daughter) I've never met.

Sure. If I didn't have any balls and still lived with her, I would've done what she wished and we'd all be one happy family. But then, you'd probably see me here writing about whether I really loved this girl or not because it was a forced marriage.

The only way to really stand on your own is to move out and face the hardships of life. Moving out does not mean not seeing your parents again. I'm not sure where people got that idea.

What it signifies is a new stage in a parent's relationship with their kids. The parents will have to acknowledge their kids as an equal and until that happens, that thirty-something guy's not really an adult.

I mean, I've been there. When I was still single, I always enjoyed coming home to Nevada because I never have to cook, never have to do my own laundry, can come and go as I please. But in the end, I still preferred living on my own.

Even my wife seems to think it's better to be away from the parents. We have my mother-in-law living with us. Whenever my wife and I argue, her mom always backs me up which ticks my wife off.

Add: An example of undue influence...... The fact that the guy's parents will deprive him of his comforts if he moves out is an indication they may be similar in attitude to my mom. All the more for the guy to be independent. Good parents will always be ready to aid their kids even if they moved out.

This is exactly what my friend feels inside. His father is dictatorial. His mother is very controlling. He feels he cannot live his own life. His parents are always meddling with his decision still treating him like a 10 yr old boy. Also his mother is a prima donna type who loves the high and the mighty. She would always question who his friends are if they are rich enough to be worthy of his son's friendship. She keeps on pushing a friend's girl for him to court and marry because the girl is rich.
My friend feels quite suffocated in this setup but there are perks or tradeoffs. You let them control you, you follow their rules and be an obedient boy and you would be rewarded with material perks ..say a nice Porsche cayeanne for him to drive around + another 5million car of his choice, a comfortable house with maids and driver at your beck and call, trip to the US and EUrope and other countries of his choice at least 3 times a year, sumptuous and delicious food eat out at the classiest resto in town, no worries about money, taxes, obligations everything would be taken cared off. The thing however for my friend is that he needs to hand them his balls in exchange for all these.
Lets consider the opposite. Get out and live his own life he would be able to buy himself a second hand corolla, he needs to pay his electric water phone internet cable bills on his own. He would have to budget 300/day for his fastfood meals. Wash his own laundry, clean his car, clean the house Probably get out of the country once a year to hongkong through budget airfares. When he needs to leave his car in the casa would need to take a taxi back home. But he would be more fullfilled and happy I believe thats what I advised him.

**Jun aka Pekto** · July 16th, 2007 07:54 PM

Originally Posted by LEB

This is exactly what my friend feels inside. His father is dictatorial. His mother is very controlling. He feels he cannot live his own life. His parents are always meddling with his decision still treating him like a 10 yr old boy. Also his mother is a prima donna type who loves the high and the mighty. She would always question who his friends are if they are rich enough to be worthy of his son's friendship. She keeps on pushing a friend's girl for him to court and marry because the girl is rich.
My friend feels quite suffocated in this setup but there are perks or tradeoffs. You let them control you, you follow their rules and be an obedient boy and you would be rewarded with material perks ..say a nice Porsche cayeanne for him to drive around + another 5million car of his choice, a comfortable house with maids and driver at your beck and call, trip to the US and EUrope and other countries of his choice at least 3 times a year, sumptuous and delicious food eat out at the classiest resto in town, no worries about money, taxes, obligations everything would be taken cared off. The thing however for my friend is that he needs to hand them his balls in exchange for all these.
Lets consider the opposite. Get out and live his own life he would be able to buy himself a second hand corolla, he needs to pay his electric water phone internet cable bills on his own. He would have to budget 300/day for his fastfood meals. Wash his own laundry, clean his car, clean the house Probably get out of the country once a year to hongkong through budget airfares. When he needs to leave his car in the casa would need to take a taxi back home. But he would be more fullfilled and happy I believe thats what I advised him.

Sounds like my life story except we're not that rich plus my Dad has been a really good influence to me and backed up every decision I've made thus far. Needless to say, I chose the harder course and haven't regretted a second of it. That's just me though. I have had a very strong sense of independence even when I was young. It's up to him if he wants to stay with his folks. Who knows? It may not turn out all bad. But if one wants to live life to the fullest, one has to go out on his own. I did that and experienced so many things that money cannot replace. And I'm still relatively young. If I died today, I'd die a happy man because I've done a lot of things I wanted to do which wouldn't have been possible if I still lived with my folks.

**leolop** · July 16th, 2007 08:45 PM

Originally Posted by LEB

Lets consider the opposite. Get out and live his own life he would be able to buy himself a second hand corolla, he needs to pay his electric water phone internet cable bills on his own. He would have to budget 300/day for his fastfood meals. Wash his own laundry, clean his car, clean the house Probably get out of the country once a year to hongkong through budget airfares. When he needs to leave his car in the casa would need to take a taxi back home. But he would be more fullfilled and happy I believe thats what I advised him.

that's even way more than what most people have! pasensya na if i'm insensitive but it's hard to imagine na kawawa naman siya if he has to live this way.

but what i can imagine is that making that step out that door or even just telling the parents of his decision would be very difficult. Hope he finds himself and does what he believes is right.

on a side note, if he decides to leave, he shouldn't have to burn bridges unless he has enough moxy to do so if it's the only way to be himself. good luck to him.

**OTEP** · July 16th, 2007 09:04 PM

Get out and live his own life he would be able to buy himself a second hand corolla, he needs to pay his electric water phone internet cable bills on his own. He would have to budget 300/day for his fastfood meals. Wash his own laundry, clean his car, clean the house Probably get out of the country once a year to hongkong through budget airfares. When he needs to leave his car in the casa would need to take a taxi back home. But he would be more fullfilled and happy I believe thats what I advised him.

He doesn't sound 'kawawa' in this scenario. This sounds pretty much like an above average lifestyle still. Buti pa nga siya may pang-HK pa.

**Jun aka Pekto** · July 16th, 2007 09:22 PM

Wealth aside for a moment...... What difference would it make if the guy lived in his own apartment/condo rather than at home with his parents unless the parents want to maintain control? I can see it happening if he's a young adult with no job or is still studying. But, if the guy has the means to support himself even if it means enduring some hardships, by all means, he should live his own life. The parents can help if they want. But, they should let their son stumble a bit because how else is he going to learn the facts of life? I mean look at my Dad. His method of teaching me how to swim was to throw me bodily into the shark-infested (at least I thought it was) waters of the South China Sea. If I didn't start floating, I'm going down. of course, I'm sure he must've been ready to bail me out in case I couldn't hack it. His Dad should give him the opportunity to try living on his own. And he should give room for failure because no one's perfect.

**chain** · July 17th, 2007 12:07 AM

kung kaya naman, live alone. kung kaya financially, get a condo.

and like what others said, dalaw sa folks every now and then. dun na dalhin yung labahin.. hehehehe

**smooth** · July 17th, 2007 12:25 AM

Originally Posted by LEB

Lets consider the opposite. Get out and live his own life he would be able to buy himself a second hand corolla, he needs to pay his electric water phone internet cable bills on his own. He would have to budget 300/day for his fastfood meals. Wash his own laundry, clean his car, clean the house Probably get out of the country once a year to hongkong through budget airfares. When he needs to leave his car in the casa would need to take a taxi back home. But he would be more fullfilled and happy I believe thats what I advised him.

nothing wrong with this scenario. masyado atang rich kid ang kaibigan mo, nawalan tuloy ng spine. napaisip tuloy ako: ganun ba talaga ka-importante ang porsche cayenne? nasa pangalan ba niya ang cayenne? o hinihiram lang niya sa magulang niya? at the end of the day, e sasakyan lang din yun (at hindi pa kanya -- pag naisipan ng may-ari ibenta yun, anong magagawa niya?). pardon me pero medyo mababaw ata kaligayahan niya.

there was a time i had this really great suv for a day. british made. full options. start mo ang engine, umaangat ang sasakyan. ang ganda talaga. then i got stuck in traffic. 45 minutes in traffic and guess what? you're still in traffic like the average dude. the novelty of this great suv dropped like a rock really quick.

watch the kids selling garlands on the street when they are playing amongst themselves. their smiles and laughter are truly authentic. will your friend get that from a cayenne? poor rich kid. if he can find happiness in material possessions, then i'm happy for him. tell him to stay with his folks. at least siya, nabibili ang kaligayahan niya. madaling abutin.

from francisco balagtas: "ang laki sa layaw karaniwa'y hubad."

note: what's wrong with flying budget? ang ganda kaya ng budget terminal ng singapore. does he regularly fly business class or, gasp!, first class? i honestly didn't find any difference between PAL's coach and cebu pac's seats (except for the snacks). but if you're going to hongkong, what's the use? isang oras lang ang flight. baka hindi pa niya matapos basahin ang magazine e pa-landing na ang eroplano.