Live alone or live with parents?

[Jun aka Pekto]

It's his folks home, therefore he should live by their house rules, NOT their LIFE rules. Should the time ever come that the folks will be the one to live with him then the folks will be the ones to go by his house rules.

Of course there are different prototypes as to what we consider as a 'normal' family. In the prototype I grew up in, kids usually left home when they marry. If the kids are single but working already, they are still free to stay at home but are free to live life as they choose (of course, a piece of advice or two from the older, wiser ones is welcome from time to time). If the kids marry then that's considered a forced eviction already from where I come from.

My commander's clan has a different prototype. No one seems to leave home. The grandmother bought houses for her kids. Now that the grandkids are married, a lot of them are still living with their folks in the houses grandma bought. In one house lives grandma's kid, his wife and all of his kids (including the persons they married). Seems like a messy set up to me and I guess that's why we have forced evictions in my clan to avert that from happenning.

In a perfect world, parents will treat their kids as adults when they reach aduthood. But, I've seen more than one adult living with their parents who were treated like they were still a kid.

Well, that's not really the parents' fault. Parents are parents. In their eyes, their kids will always be their kids and will always do what they think is right for their kids.

In my case, I have a mom who wanted to control aspects of my life. An example is who I should have married. If it was up to her, she would've arranged me to marry someone (a rich friend's daughter) I've never met.

Sure. If I didn't have any balls and still lived with her, I would've done what she wished and we'd all be one happy family. But then, you'd probably see me here writing about whether I really loved this girl or not because it was a forced marriage.

The only way to really stand on your own is to move out and face the hardships of life. Moving out does not mean not seeing your parents again. I'm not sure where people got that idea.

What it signifies is a new stage in a parent's relationship with their kids. The parents will have to acknowledge their kids as an equal and until that happens, that thirty-something guy's not really an adult.

I mean, I've been there. When I was still single, I always enjoyed coming home to Nevada because I never have to cook, never have to do my own laundry, can come and go as I please. But in the end, I still preferred living on my own.

Even my wife seems to think it's better to be away from the parents. We have my mother-in-law living with us. Whenever my wife and I argue, her mom always backs me up which ticks my wife off.

Add: An example of undue influence...... The fact that the guy's parents will deprive him of his comforts if he moves out is an indication they may be similar in attitude to my mom. All the more for the guy to be independent. Good parents will always be ready to aid their kids even if they moved out.