Live alone or live with parents?

[LEB]

Well here are some facts about my friend. He works in the fambiz but he also has his own business on the side that can afford him to buy a car, rent a condo etc.. In short he would be able to survive in the world but the luxurious standards of living that he is used to would not be the same once he moves out.
Last time I talked with him he mentioned that he already told his parents about moving out but they simply refused to and got really angry with him and threatened him with stuffs that if he decided to leave he would be cut off the family tree. In short they are burning the bridges with him permanently if he would leave home.This is a serious thing so I advised him to rethink things as not to jeopardized his future.
Another thing is his dad connives with his mom so its 2 heads against one.

To Jun Pekto: What exactly have you learned by living alone. maybe you can share some specific details and examples point for point so i can impart them to my friend. Since I havent experience that yet I wouldnt be able to give the right advice that my friend needs at this point of his life.

[MAXBUWAYA]

plus its nice to walk around the house naked , scratching yourself without the fear your parents or kasambahy seeing you hehehehe

And also you dont have to use coaster for your beer hehehehe

[funkngruvn]

live alone na lang, tapos hanap na asawa..

pero depende sa lifestyle? hehe parang si andy.. :hysterical:

[smooth]

Last time I talked with him he mentioned that he already told his parents about moving out but they simply refused to and got really angry with him and threatened him with stuffs that if he decided to leave he would be cut off the family tree. In short they are burning the bridges with him permanently if he would leave home.This is a serious thing so I advised him to rethink things as not to jeopardized his future.

ang masasabi ko lang ay HANEP! kakaibang mga magulang yan a hehehe dad ko tuwang tuwa ng nag-sarili na ako e. pero mga magulang niya ganun? question: guy ba o girl ang kaibigan mo? ang tindi a. can you say SHELTERED?

incidentally, you did say family tree right? as in FAMILY TREE? whoa. hindi lang parents and siblings, kundi pati na din mga uncles, aunties, cousins, grandparents and stuff. whew. parang excommunication a. what gives? nag-iisang anak ba ito? and the dad connives with the mom pa. pardon me pero sobrang lakas ng influence ng mother a. curious lang ako: "under" ba ang tatay? medyo "malambot" ba ang kaibigan mo? yung nanay ba ang successful at medyo "hanger on" ang tatay?

sorry, pero kelangan ko na itanong ito: baka naman dinadagdagan na ng kaibigan mo ang kwento. kasi parang total na pagtatakwil na ang gagawin ng nanay niya kapag nagsarili siya. nakakapag-bakasyon ba outside the country ang kaibigan mo nang hindi kasama ang nanay niya? ang tindi ah.

[LEB]

ang masasabi ko lang ay HANEP! kakaibang mga magulang yan a hehehe dad ko tuwang tuwa ng nag-sarili na ako e. pero mga magulang niya ganun? question: guy ba o girl ang kaibigan mo? ang tindi a. can you say SHELTERED?

incidentally, you did say family tree right? as in FAMILY TREE? whoa. hindi lang parents and siblings, kundi pati na din mga uncles, aunties, cousins, grandparents and stuff. whew. parang excommunication a. what gives? nag-iisang anak ba ito? and the dad connives with the mom pa. pardon me pero sobrang lakas ng influence ng mother a. curious lang ako: "under" ba ang tatay? medyo "malambot" ba ang kaibigan mo? yung nanay ba ang successful at medyo "hanger on" ang tatay?

sorry, pero kelangan ko na itanong ito: baka naman dinadagdagan na ng kaibigan mo ang kwento. kasi parang total na pagtatakwil na ang gagawin ng nanay niya kapag nagsarili siya. nakakapag-bakasyon ba outside the country ang kaibigan mo nang hindi kasama ang nanay niya? ang tindi ah.

Firstly He is a he so a guy. His Mom runs the household and she has more power over dad. I dunno kung dinagdagan iyun kuwento pero ang sabi sakin is itatakwil daw sha pag nagsarili sha. Seems like mom is over protective and he is definitely sheltered. Thats the reason why he wants to get out so he wont be too sheltered and know how the real world is. As to the question whether he is malambot , I can say is that constant pressure from mom since childhood have altered his backbone a bit. we cant really blame him given his circumstance in life but he sure is luckier than most of us when it comes to material possessions courtesy of his family.

[mazdamazda]

as long as he can feed himself 3x a day, have a decent roof over his head, and have some savings... I think that he can forego with all the "luxuries" in favor of "freedom".

theatening to cut-off ties is just so immature of them. well... pera lang yan.

[swordsman]

joke lang yon ni mommy. parang threat nung bata na 'kurot ka ni mommy sa singit pag nibosohan mo si inday..'

i'm sure, di tototohanin yan...pag tinotoo... abnormal nga.

[Alpha_One]

That would make sense if his parents don't have an undue influence on him living with them. But were talking Pinoy parents here. You know they will exert their influence on him.

I remember as a kid that I told my mom that when I grow up, I'll get rich and take care of them in return. I mean, I thought it was the ideal - the "be successful and take care of your parents and grandparents and the rest" is THE ambition of many Filipino youths. She then told me not to... I have the right to live my own life. I then asked her, why not, and what if I want to. She replied about that being my choice, if I want to reciprocate, if I wanted to "return the favor". She insisted that nobody's obliging me to do so.

My mom (and most of my family, for that matter) is individualist at heart. While we do have the stereotypical Pinoy middle-class compound setup, what occurs in our household has absolutely no effect on the affairs at grandma's next door (and vice versa). Individualism is generally thought to be a Western value, and that's one trait of Western society I hold in high regard.

I know, Filipinos are proud of their family ties, but I percieve the "traditional" Filipino family to be way too collectivist. Families are physically close together for the sake of being physically close together. Reciprocity is obliged, out of a false sense of "utang na loob". Members wanting to leave are shamed threatened of being cut off... why?!

I have to thank my mom for that moment of wisdom, kasi nga naman, raising kids is a fact of family life. It's not a matter of "extending favors" to the children that are to be paid later in life. That false sense of "utang na loob"... why make the children feel guilty because the parents raised them - that's the parents' job! Ika nga ng kapatid ko, like duh!

My family lives physically close to each other because we enjoy each other's company - and not for the sake of it because "it's expected in our society". The family that laughs together stays together. My parents and I treat each other so casually that our friends often remark we talk like best friends. But once they exert their authority, we treat them with respect (I'm still dependent, so I should be in their authority). Not many things make me as proud.

[Alpha_One]

Yeah, tell me about it. I know a set of parents that wouldn't even teach their kids how to drive! hehehe. And when one parent overheard the kid asking me about real estate, the parent said: "Malaki naman itong bahay natin, ha!". And their kids are significantly older than me!

Rather than teaching their kids how to handle life, the parents seem to want to never let the child leave. No one teaches them how to talk to other people (a representative from their business would always transact on their behalf for even the simplest things like LTO, BIR, SSS, etc.). Up to now they have to wait for an 'electrician' to replace busted lightbulbs. :lol:

My mom always tells me that they would always be there for us, if only they can. She tells me about the inevitable time that they'll no longer be around. As a result, I've never had too much time adjusting to dorm life in college. It was too much of a non-event, in fact, that I often joke to my mom that "masaya lang kayo, nakakatipid kayo kasi wala nang nasa harap ng TV/computer 24/7 at naguubos ng tsokolate sa repridyereytor". She answers with "Nakaka-miss rin minsan yung pagtatalo niyong magkakapatid... CHARING!"

A case comparison would be my bro and my cousin when they both went to college in Manila and started living in a boarding house. My mom occasionally reports to work on Saturdays and comes by to pick them up. Whenever she doesn't, she texts my bro, my bro responds "okay" and shows up at home Saturday afternoon. My cousin on the other hand, would keep asking *his* mom if she'd pick the two up, even if she has to go all the way from home to do so (we aren't Metro Manila based). Ika nga ng kapatid ko "Okey lang naman sa akin mag bus. Siya lang ayaw."

My dad has been insisting on me getting a non-pro driving license already. My dad and I have a shared interest in cars, though we're not really that rich, and my mom says that me getting a license means a lot to my dad (and his fatherly ego ). I've never had the time to do so, and I just tell dad that gas and spare parts are expensive, and there's always good ol' public transport. Why I wonder about maintenance costs even if dad foots the bill in the end, is their parenting investment paying dividends.

Heck, my bro's not even interested in learning how to drive. Me and my mom chalk it up to "the fact that there's always people to drive for him, and in case there isn't, there's always the bus".

I don't see what's with some people and changing lightbulbs (and other fairly basic maintenance work) either. When I moved out of the dorm and into my aunt's apartment, the flashlights received batteries, the kitchen 7W lamp got replaced with a 15W one, the "dead" cordless unit got a new cord and the toilet flush handle got replaced.

[Jun aka Pekto]

To Jun Pekto: What exactly have you learned by living alone. maybe you can share some specific details and examples point for point so i can impart them to my friend. Since I havent experience that yet I wouldnt be able to give the right advice that my friend needs at this point of his life.

For one thing, I learned the value of money and how hard my parents worked to earn a living. I also learned responsibility like maintaining my upkeep, maintaining a home, establishing credit very early on. Of course, I went through for a period where I had barely had enough to make ends meet. But, I was single then. So, there weren't any undue repercussions to anyone but myself.

Since I was in charge of myself, I chose freely who to associate with and without regards to race or creed. If it was up to my mom, I wouldn't have any friends except other Pinoys. By that I mean only those in "Tagalog" regions. Forget about my wife who's from Leyte and speaks Waray. My mom has a very bad xenophobic streak. Even in the US, she didn't want to have anything to do with African-Americans. She's not too hot with caucasians either. I remember her chasing off (with a machete) an Aussie architect who was a penpal of my sister and who came from abroad to visit. There was no way my sister was marrying a foreigner according to her book.

Of course, I had to endure her full wrath when I married my wife. But, by that point, being on my own made me strong. I had enough confidence to stand up to her and tell her point blank that it's my life and I'll live it the way I wished. In hindsight, I probably should've just kept quiet not have said that last part. The consequences from that I still feel today. Oh well *shrugs*. Life goes on.

I probably wouldn't have fitted her mold anyway because I was a free spirit. Like what someone else in this thread said, my attitude was more akin to young adults in the US than a young adult in the Philippines. Continuing to live with my control-crazy mom would've been a death sentence to me. It would've been a matter of time before I walked off anyway.

The TS' friend seems already capable of fending on his own. I don't see why a mere move from a bedroom at his folks home to his own condo would make such a big difference. If I was in his position and moved to an apartment nearby, my mom would probably visit everyday and go yak-yak-yakking to my face and still try to control me.