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  1. Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    568
    #3261
    An admiral visits one of the ships under his command.
    While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit.

    He went to the Chief cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command.

    The Chief replied, "Well Admiral, after each one is cut out I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the insignia.

    Horrified the Admiral exclaims, "That's very unhygienic!"
    The Chief shrugs and replies, "If you feel that way sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts."

  2. Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    568
    #3262
    MILITARY HUMOR

    On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and
    civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
    middle.
    One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,
    "What time is it?"
    The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
    The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
    The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference...
    If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock.
    If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
    If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
    If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
    If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

    ________________________________

    During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
    "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is."

    _____________________________

    Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass
    along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
    Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

    "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
    ________________________________

    Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
    Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
    Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
    "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
    Soldier: "No, SIR!"

    ________________________________

    Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
    A: He'll tell you.

    Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
    A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

    Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
    A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

    ________________________________

    An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

    The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

    The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
    ________________________________

    "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

    "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

  3. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,586
    #3263
    Dad Is Shocked When His Daughter Says This To Him.


    A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.”

    The father asked, “Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?”

    The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”

    The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

    A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: “God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The next day the grandmother died.

    “Holy Moley, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

    Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: “God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy.” He practically went into shock.

    He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

    Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?”

    He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”

    She said, “You think you had a bad day? You’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch!”

  4. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,586
    #3264

  5. Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    5,010

  6. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,586
    #3266

  7. Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    907
    #3267
    Hahaha! Bwiset!😂

  8. Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,185
    #3268
    Quote Originally Posted by Monseratto View Post
    Dad Is Shocked When His Daughter Says This To Him.

    She said, “You think you had a bad day? You’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch!”
    nasalisihan pala ng kartero. hahaha

  9. Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,868
    #3269
    ^ bwahahahaha!!! imported kasi kaya MAILMAN.

    kapag dito sa 'pinas, malamang, PADYAK BOYS 'yan! :hysterical:

  10. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,586
    #3270
    Woman Thought She Had The Perfect Husband. But Then He Said This.


    Several men are in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

    Man: “Hello?”

    Woman: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

    Man: “Yes.”

    Woman: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2000. Is it okay if I buy it?”

    Man: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

    Woman: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”

    Man: “How much?”

    Woman: “I think its $90,000.”

    Man: “Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

    Woman: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… The house we wanted last year is back on the market. The asking-price is 1.25 million.”

    Man: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 1 mil.”

    Woman: “Okay, honey, you’re the best! I love you!”

    Man: “Bye, I love you, too.”

    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

    He starts to smile and asks: “Does anyone know whose phone this is?”

Joke Time!