Joke Time!

**karlbo** · January 30th, 2007 03:35 AM

hahahaha... ampota.. kulit!

**the_wildthing** · January 30th, 2007 03:53 AM

Gotta love California weather.

**Mz5** · February 1st, 2007 10:00 PM

wanna trade-in some of our Florida sunshine... anyone?

pero anlamig din dito for the last few days na, lalo na sa gabi. freezing pa nga kung minsan kaya problema ng mga orange growers eh baka lugi sila this season.

aso had that similar experience sa Indiana naman... bagong dating din ako US. langya, nagpapala ako ng snow at 3AM galing airport. di kasi makapasok sasakyan sa driveway at hindi naman pede iwan sa kalsada at baka mapala nun snow plow. oh well, i guess florida it is, for me.

**arez_g** · February 5th, 2007 02:26 AM

Advantage lang sa may snow,libre ka yelo 4 your Halo-halo...he,he,he.

**arez_g** · February 11th, 2007 03:24 AM

helo mga peepz,wala nba add thread na to?hehehe

**n2knee** · February 16th, 2007 10:45 AM

what is a snow?
--guy fr cali--

**Alpha_One** · March 31st, 2007 08:52 PM

I always thought snow was overrated. This confirms it.

Snow is only magical when you don't get it. It's best that you never do. Huwag mo nang intindihin. Hiwaga'y huwag nang lutasin. Sayang ang hiwaga, pag di na siya hiwaga.

**Jun aka Pekto** · March 31st, 2007 08:57 PM

Originally Posted by donski

[SIZE=3]White Christmas [/SIZE]

Dear Diary,

Dec 14

Finally arrived in America for the first time.

News: about the possibility of a White Christmas!

Dec 15

Wife and I sat by the window all day watching the snowflakes gently drifting down, covering the trees and the ground. Like the Christmas card my sister sent me. Oh, how beautiful!!! (Nicer than the ash fall of Mt. Pinatubo!)

Dec 16

Awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! I really enjoyed shoveling my sister’s driveway. It was really FUN!!! A snowplow accidentally covered up the driveway. He waved. He reminded me of Santa Claus. I waved back to this nice citizen and shoveled again... no problem.

Dec 17

Wow! 5 more inches of snow! The temperature dropped down to 5 degrees. The snowplow covered the driveway again with a compacted snow. I guess I’ll have to shovel again. It’s quite fun though. But it is really cold out!!! BRRRRRRR..........

Dec 18

The temp went up a little and the snow on the street turned into a slush mixed with dirt and became brownish-gray. Then at night, the temp went down again and became icy. A tree limb snapped and fell on my sister’s new car. WOW, HASTLE!!! More snow and ice predicted. Sho-shovel nanaman ako?!!! Ah leche, suma-sakit na ang likod ko !!! Whew... I miss my houseboy so much!!!

Dec 19

******-ina, ang Lamig!!!! The snow plow came by 2X today. First he covered the streets with “sand”, then came back and pushed the snow and ice mixed with the dirty sand on the driveway again. Eh, tangina, ako NANAMAN ang mag sho-shovel noon eh!!!!!!!! Ang hirap pala kung araw-araw mong ginagawa!!! Kung nasa Pilipinas ‘to pinag-mumura ko na yung tanginang driver na yon!!! LECHE!!!

Dec 20

Power went off due to the weather and cold. Sinisipon na kaming lahat dito. Used kerosene heater which tipped over. Putaragis, nasunog yung mga kilay at pilik mata ko. Hindot!!! Bwuisit na bansa ito!!!

Dec 21

More snow predicted. Wind chill -7 degrees!!! Nag li-leak na yung bubong ng utol ko. All the Plumbing pipes are frozen. Naku hindot, wala pang katulong! Mukhang ako nanaman ang gagawa!!! Tangina, ang hirap ng buhay na walang maid!! Pagbumalik pa yung hayop na snowplow na yon, sa-salubungin ko na siya ng pala at palakol!!!

Dec 22

Anak ng ****, ang ginaw! Inabangan ko yung snowplow, hinabol ko ng itak at ina-temp kong saksakin yung driver, pero nakatakas ang kupal. Hindi ko mahabol dahil ang sakit ng mga daliri, toes at likod ko, at luma-labo ang paningin ko. Nabubulag na yata ako!

Dec 23

Lumamig nanaman!!! Dumami nanaman ang SNOW. Sabi sa tv na a-abot hanggang Abril daw ang winter season!!!

Ano?!! Ayoko na!!! Inyo na!!! BUWAKA-NG-INA!

KAYO NALANG DITO. UUWI NA ‘KO SA PILIPINAS!

Lecheng bansa ito!!!

It's funny because it's so true - The Simpsons

Sounds like my wife's aunt on her first winter in Reno.

**kinyo** · May 25th, 2007 10:04 PM

A young lady goes to her local pet store in search
of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she
notices a box full of live frogs.

The sign says: *** FROGS!

Only $20 each!

Money Back Guarantee!

Comes with complete instructions!

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's
watching her. She whispers softly to the young man
behind the counter, "I'll take one."

The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the
instructions The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly
on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her
apartment, she grabs the instructions and reads them
very carefully. She does exactly what the instructions say:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very ***y nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you
5. Allow the frog to follow its training.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to
her dismay, nothing happens! The girl is very disappointed
and quite upset. She grabs the instructions and rereads
them and then notices at the bottom of the page, in small
print, it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please
call the pet store."

So, she calls the pet store. The same young man is still at
work. When he hears her problem, he says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The young lady
welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according
to the instructions. The damn thing just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog,
stares directly into its eyes and sternly says:

"Now you listen to me! I'm only going to show you
how to do this ONE more time. . .

**architect** · May 25th, 2007 10:14 PM

A foreign Newspaper wants to publish a report about the life in Egypt,So
they send a female reporter to interview the common citizen in egypt..when
she arrives at cairo..she picks a random guy ,and starts her interview

Reporter:Hi
Egyptian:We 3alkom el salam ya 2otta
Reporter:Do u speak english?
Egyptian:Berfect
Reporter:Do u mind if i interview u?
Egyptian:No,i dont have a mind
Reporter:What's your name?
Egyptian:Taha
Reporter:***?
Taha: I love it
Reporter:oh no, i meant male or female?
Taha (yelling): what do u sink?
Reporter:Its just for the sake of the report..never mind...male....
Taha:yas male..and i can brove it any time u want
Reporter:No,thanks,I'll take u for ur word...so..how do u find life here in egypt?
Taha:Egybt..very nice cantry..nice wezar..nice food..byramidz
Reporter:oh well..beside the weather and the pyramids..what else do u like in ur country?
Taha: Byramids,nice wezar,nice food
Reporter:Ok..lets move on..what do u do?
Taha: I am very well ,sank u
Reporter:No,I mean do u have a job?
Taha(looking around him and whispering):Jobat?..no i dont have any (jobat)..lessa mastaba7nash..do u have a (job) with u?..we can esmoke it in my car..dont warry about bolice
Reprter:Oh my god,DO YOU WORK?
Taha:Yas yas..Taxi drivar
Reporter:What do u think about the traffic problem in egypt?
Taha:Very big broblem..very much cars..u see?..but za guvurment is trying to make it bettar..zey did the circle street and za me7war street..and zey make all streets one way so if u go..u cant come back..niahahaha3
Reporter:What about the economic problems in Egypt?
Taha:I do not undurstand what u say
Reporter:I mean..how do u deal with money problems in egypt?
Taha: No NO NO..egybt very rich cantry...we have alot of cotton..alot of water..and we have byramidz
Reporter: So do u make a lot of money?
Taha:No no.. it is not legal to make money..one frend i know make money at home..and he go to brizon..if u make money at home..u can only give it to za banzeena man..they take any money
Reporter: let me rephrase..since Egypt is a rich country.. do u have a lot of money?
Taha:me?! ..Not alot..but I eat and drink Al7amdulelah?
Reporter:Then where does all the money go?
Taha: Guvurment
Reporter:And what does the government do with the money?
Taha:Zey Build circle street,me7war street and make all streets one way
Reporter:well , Ok...Do u vote?
Taha:What duz zat mean?
Reporter:Do u choose your president
Taha:Mubarak?
Reporter:yes
Taha(nervously): i didnt give my voice..but if i was..i will give him my voice
Reporter:Why him?
Taha:Because he was an airoplane in za war..he waz za leadar airoplane
Reporter:But there r no wars right now
Taha:But if we have war..u see?...we know we will have a very good airoplane in it
Reporter:what about the last 26 years ?
Taha:I got marry..and have 3ala2 and Amira..and drive taxi
Reporter:No,i meant what did Mubarak do for Egypt in the last 26 years
Taha:He build circle street,me7war street and make all streets one way
Reporter:Thank you very much for ur time Mr. Taha
Taha:No broblem,only 10 bounds
Reporter:I never said i will pay u for this
Taha: Ok..just give me the (job) then..we smoke ,and make head
Reporter:Grrrrrrrr
Taha:ok ok..need a Taxi?

**LexTer** · May 25th, 2007 10:17 PM

Originally Posted by iigakusei

sa start lang talaga masaya makakita ng snow pero kung everyday na nakakasawa na. sobrang lamig nakakadagdag ng homesick.

+1

nung una ako makakita pasimple lang ako. para di magmukhang inosente. pero sa tutoo lang gusto ko gumulong sa tuwa. pero nung huli wala ng dating. masasabi mo talagang badtrip yelo na naman.

**mmanson** · May 27th, 2007 08:46 PM

Originally Posted by architect

A foreign Newspaper wants to publish a report about the life in Egypt,So
they send a female reporter to interview the common citizen in egypt..when
she arrives at cairo..she picks a random guy ,and starts her interview

Reporter:Hi
Egyptian:We 3alkom el salam ya 2otta
Reporter:Do u speak english?
Egyptian:Berfect
Reporter:Do u mind if i interview u?
Egyptian:No,i dont have a mind
Reporter:What's your name?
Egyptian:Taha
Reporter:***?
Taha: I love it
Reporter:oh no, i meant male or female?
Taha (yelling): what do u sink?
Reporter:Its just for the sake of the report..never mind...male....
Taha:yas male..and i can brove it any time u want
Reporter:No,thanks,I'll take u for ur word...so..how do u find life here in egypt?
Taha:Egybt..very nice cantry..nice wezar..nice food..byramidz
Reporter:oh well..beside the weather and the pyramids..what else do u like in ur country?
Taha: Byramids,nice wezar,nice food
Reporter:Ok..lets move on..what do u do?
Taha: I am very well ,sank u
Reporter:No,I mean do u have a job?
Taha(looking around him and whispering):Jobat?..no i dont have any (jobat)..lessa mastaba7nash..do u have a (job) with u?..we can esmoke it in my car..dont warry about bolice
Reprter:Oh my god,DO YOU WORK?
Taha:Yas yas..Taxi drivar
Reporter:What do u think about the traffic problem in egypt?
Taha:Very big broblem..very much cars..u see?..but za guvurment is trying to make it bettar..zey did the circle street and za me7war street..and zey make all streets one way so if u go..u cant come back..niahahaha3
Reporter:What about the economic problems in Egypt?
Taha:I do not undurstand what u say
Reporter:I mean..how do u deal with money problems in egypt?
Taha: No NO NO..egybt very rich cantry...we have alot of cotton..alot of water..and we have byramidz
Reporter: So do u make a lot of money?
Taha:No no.. it is not legal to make money..one frend i know make money at home..and he go to brizon..if u make money at home..u can only give it to za banzeena man..they take any money
Reporter: let me rephrase..since Egypt is a rich country.. do u have a lot of money?
Taha:me?! ..Not alot..but I eat and drink Al7amdulelah?
Reporter:Then where does all the money go?
Taha: Guvurment
Reporter:And what does the government do with the money?
Taha:Zey Build circle street,me7war street and make all streets one way
Reporter:well , Ok...Do u vote?
Taha:What duz zat mean?
Reporter:Do u choose your president
Taha:Mubarak?
Reporter:yes
Taha(nervously): i didnt give my voice..but if i was..i will give him my voice
Reporter:Why him?
Taha:Because he was an airoplane in za war..he waz za leadar airoplane
Reporter:But there r no wars right now
Taha:But if we have war..u see?...we know we will have a very good airoplane in it
Reporter:what about the last 26 years ?
Taha:I got marry..and have 3ala2 and Amira..and drive taxi
Reporter:No,i meant what did Mubarak do for Egypt in the last 26 years
Taha:He build circle street,me7war street and make all streets one way
Reporter:Thank you very much for ur time Mr. Taha
Taha:No broblem,only 10 bounds
Reporter:I never said i will pay u for this
Taha: Ok..just give me the (job) then..we smoke ,and make head
Reporter:Grrrrrrrr
Taha:ok ok..need a Taxi?

waah..nahilo ko dito ah..hehehe

**architect** · May 28th, 2007 12:42 AM

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen
her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the
best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was
horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the
exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her step mom to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm
wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother, who graciously said, "Never mind,
sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous
dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother,
"Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another
occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm
wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."

**LexTer** · May 28th, 2007 09:08 AM

nyahahaha. nanghiram ng dress stepmom nya sa mom nya. :D

**chua_riwap** · June 7th, 2010 05:40 PM

I got this from my Inbox today.......

Wowowee Q & A

These are questions and actual answers of contest participants!

1. Q: "Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?" A: "Utong!"

2. Q: "Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?" A: "Umiilaw!"

3. Q: "Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao? A: "Humanitarian?"

4. Q: "Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga." A: "Ninja?"

5. Q: "Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?" A: "Sunog!"

6. Q: "Magbigay ng sikat na Willie." A: "Willie da pooh!"

7. Q: "Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?" A: "Hindunesia?"

8. Q: "Anong hayop si King Kong?" A: "Pagong!"

9. Q: "Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain." A: "t*e!"

10. Q: "Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?" A: "Canadia!"

11. Q: "Kumpletuhin - Little Red." A: "Ribbon!"

12 Q: "Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?" A: "Buhok?"

13. Q: "Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin." A: "Tinga!"

14. Q: "Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?" A: "Pag balita?"

15. Q: "Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?" A: "Baby oil?"

16. Q: "Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?" A: "Sweetserland?"

17. Q: "Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?" A: "Godzilla?"

18. Q: "Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?" A: "Itlog ng tao!"

19. Q: "Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?" A: "Sadista?"

20. Q: "Blank is the best policy." A: "Ice tea?"

22. Q: "Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?" A: "Sa likod!"

23. Q: "Fill in the blanks - Beauty is in the eye of the ____." A: "Tiger?"

24. Q: "Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?" A: "Saging!"

25. Q: "Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?" A: "Baliw!"

26. Q: "Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?" A: "Kamag-anak!"

27. Q: "Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?" A: "Sa motel?"

28. Q: "Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?" A: "Cold water!"

29. Q: "Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?" A: "Si scooby dooby doo?"

30. Q: "Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka." A: "Operadang bakla?"

31. Q: "Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?" A: "Madami!"

32. Q: "Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?" A: "Abnormal

**Starex_Gold** · June 7th, 2010 05:42 PM

putrages :hysterical:

Hinukay mo ang thread na ito?

**chua_riwap** · June 7th, 2010 06:13 PM

^^ Naluha nga ako sa katatawa nyan.......

**prince777** · June 7th, 2010 07:20 PM

*Chua

got the same message almost 3wks ago...di ko alam may thread palang ganito!..

:naughty:

**_Cathy_** · June 7th, 2010 08:37 PM

Post pa kayo ng jokes. Tawang tawa ako dun sa pinatay ni David si Godzilla!

**olidotcom** · June 7th, 2010 11:17 PM

wahahhahaaa!

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