should i confront her or not? need some advice

[gabriel knight]

A little background:

I met my gf thru MIRC(online chat). She’s fond of chatting before but not anymore when I came to her life (accdg. to her) and she would ask my permission if she needs to chat in MIRC for her projects.

Bago niya ako sinagot, she mentioned something about not totally getting over her ex yet and she would sometimes cry kung naaalala niya yung past. According to her, she’s the one who broke up with her ex kasi pinagbawalan na ng parents niya na magkita sila after they saw a pic of them embracing each other. Hindi na pinaglaban ng gf ko kasi yung ex niya binabale wala na rin daw siya nun and 3 years rin sila. Yes, her parents are very strict. They don’t know about our relationship yet.

We have a may-december relationship.

Present:

We are currently more than 2 months into the relationship. 1st month into our relationship, she was kinda not into me that much and she even broke up with me a week na naging kami for vague reasons that she’s not happy anymore and she’s afraid of what people might say against her once they find out about our huge age gap. But she came back to me again coz she misses me.

Few days after that 1st month, she confessed that she wasn’t into me on the first month because she’s not sure if she wants to continue the relationship or not coz she’s still worried about what people might say, but after thinking about it, she realized that happiness niya dapat sundin and not what other people would say. (yan ang binigay niyang dahilan and not about seeing an ex)

After that she was more into me and she would visit me from time to time until she become a little bit not into me again coz of her finals and projects and she told me about it naman. so ok lang.

Few days ago, she gave me her password for her email account and told me to check an email from her classmate. Since I was given authority already and I’m the bf, I browsed her sent folder and I found out that she sent her pictures to a lot of guys. There was even one where she needs to send her pic to a guy for the guy to help her on a schoolwork. But I checked the date, it was way before we knew each other so I let it pass.

One email caught my attention though; it was an email she sent to herself containing testimonials from another friendster account of hers, which she didn’t tell me about. I browsed through the testimonials and saw a girl, which is the gf of her ex's brother. So I look her up in friendster. Lo and behold, I saw my gf in the girl’s friend’s list. I was shocked to see my gf’s friendster coz she said to me she had none. What’s more surprising was her primary pic, it’s a pic of her with her ex with the ex wrapping his arm around her and the picture was dated around our first month in the relationship. Yes, she’s seeing her ex then and I don’t know now. I even saw her ex’s friendster and his primary pic was the same one.

She had a friendster before that I’m aware of but she erased it for unknown reason and this one is an older one coz of the date joined so this is her original account or personal account for close friends and etc. the other she erased was probably for her chatmates.

I was hurt from what I saw and numerous thoughts and doubts are clouding up my mind right now.

i don't know if i should confront her or wait a few days for new developments. recently she’s been telling me stuff like she’s so blessed to have met me coz I’m way better than her ex and that she have been praying for someone like me to come along and etc. she always compares all my good qualities with her ex's bad qualities. she tells me she loves me so much and we would talk about our future like having kids and family. whenever we're together she's very sweet and very attentive to me and i somehow sense her sincerity(i don't know if magaling lang siya magpretend o sincere talaga) but whenever i looked at her friendster account and saw the pic, doubt would move over lalo na nakalagay pa sa friendster niya ay "married" sa status.

What’s the best thing to do right now? I still love her and I’m afraid that she might broke up with me if I confront her but if I don’t confront her about it, I get no peace of mind. Here are some of my questions:

1. Is it safe to assume that she’s coming clean now considering that the pic was dated during the 1st month of our relationship, which she’s not that into me yet, coz of the reason she gave about our age gap? Or should I consider more what she said few days after the 1st month that she decided to continue the relationship and not confront her about my findings? If she’s coming clean then why didn’t she remove their pic yet and status is "married"?

2. If I confront her about my findings, is there a chance that she would not want to continue the relationship anymore coz she might think that I may not trust her anymore instead of explaining her side to me?

3. Or should I wait further for any new pics to come up and go from there?

4. Was it wrong on my part to open some of her emails in the sent folder? I don’t think I’m wrong coz I’m her boyfriend and she gave me authority to open her email account but I could be wrong. pwede ba niya akong hiritan ng i don't trust her kaya i checked her emails and use it against me to break up para lumabas ako ang may mali although mas malaki mali niya?

5. If I decided to confront her about it, is it better to confront her or should I ask the ex instead about the real score between them, maybe the ex will be more honest about it?

Any more advice and opinions will be appreciated.

[bat_zignal]

Dude, hanap ka na ng iba.... Maybe she's not meant for you..

[oldblue]

don't know if i should confront her or wait a few days for new developments. recently she’s been telling me stuff like she’s so blessed to have met me coz I’m way better than her ex and that she have been praying for someone like me to come along and etc. she always compares all my good qualities with her ex's bad qualities. she tells me she loves me so much and we would talk about our future like having kids and family. whenever we're together she's very sweet and very attentive to me and i somehow sense her sincerity(i don't know if magaling lang siya magpretend o sincere talaga) but whenever i looked at her friendster account and saw the pic, doubt would move over lalo na nakalagay pa sa friendster niya ay "married" sa status.

you want the cold plain hard truth of it all, girls are more manipulative than us guys. magaling magtago mga yan, mas magaling pa sa'tin. they can have *** with their bf or husband and their boylet, na para bang walang nangyari. unlike us, when we have *** to another girl, di na natin kaya pa ulit sa wife or gf, mag-alibi na tayo.

and they engage in backfighting and dirty talk like it's normal talk lalo na pag wala dun yun pinag-uusapan, unlike us guys, na may honor system, we wont talk about somebody behind his back.

get rid of her na.

in case, na-sashock ka sa sinabi ko. galing yan words sa isang kawawang husband sa isang forum. and somehow, I find his story not entirely false.

[russpogi]

Chong, mejo mahirap yang situation mo.

1. Is it safe to assume that she’s coming clean now considering that the pic was dated during the 1st month of our relationship, which she’s not that into me yet, coz of the reason she gave about our age gap? Or should I consider more what she said few days after the 1st month that she decided to continue the relationship and not confront her about my findings? If she’s coming clean then why didn’t she remove their pic yet and status is "married"?

Don't assume anything yet. Talk to her first. If it's ok, may I know your age? Me and my girlfriend have a 5 year age gap kse. Maybe I can relate.

2. If I confront her about my findings, is there a chance that she would not want to continue the relationship anymore coz she might think that I may not trust her anymore instead of explaining her side to me?

This gives you more reason to talk to her about this. Remeber, a relationship without trust is worth nothing. Trust may be broken but it not meant to be given back. To get a person's trust (especially when lost) it must be EARNED.

3. Or should I wait further for any new pics to come up and go from there?

The longer you wait, the more painful it's gonna be.

4. Was it wrong on my part to open some of her emails in the sent folder? I don’t think I’m wrong coz I’m her boyfriend and she gave me authority to open her email account but I could be wrong. pwede ba niya akong hiritan ng i don't trust her kaya i checked her emails and use it against me to break up para lumabas ako ang may mali although mas malaki mali niya?

Para sa 'kin, it's not wrong since she was the one who told you to open her email. Maybe (MAYBE) she did this on purpose or what not. Kung may tinatago ang tao sa yo, gagawin nya lahat ng pwede to protect what the person is hiding.

5. If I decided to confront her about it, is it better to confront her or should I ask the ex instead about the real score between them, maybe the ex will be more honest about it?

Mahirap to ah. If it was me, I'd do a little research of my own then talk to her.


If you notice, I did not use the word "confront". Bago pa lang kayo sa relationship and "confront" does not sound right. Talk to her straight up, wag pasikot-sikot. Get the right info on your research before talking to your girl. Best to do it at a neutral place, not your place nor hers.

HTH

[basti08]

i can relate to this...good thing, im not too emo. ;) parang gusto ko tuloy malaman name ng girl...hehehe

[scarab]

...old habits die hard.

[Negus]

you can ask the ex-bf casually via his friendster/email basta huwag mo haluan ng init ng ulo. baka hindi din alam ng ex na may relation kayo. basta huwag init ulo, tamang approach lang ang kailangan. kung matino naman yung ex, siguro naman sasabihin niya totoo...

yung age gap, ala naman sigurong problema dun basta hindi laging naghihingi yung girl ng kung anuano

[nugundam93]

you could confront her...

pero in the end, break up with her. no use continuing with this, talo ka lang bro.

[basti08]

yup, dont decide when you're still emotional. it's gonna be messy.

try not to lose your cool. think. decide. offer a talk to your girl. set her free if the situation calls for it. remember, be cool!

now if you can't....













.....just dump the b!tch!!! ;)

[nugundam93]

song for the thread...

tug-pshhh--tug-tug-pshhhh...

i just want bang! bang! bang!
i don't want relationship
i just want bang! bang! bang!
i don't want to know your name
i just want bang! bang! bang!
i don't want to meet your mom...

and the song goes on...sa mga nakakarelate. hehehehe! group X flash video. :lol:

BI ko 'no?

[oldblue]

yes. and stop picking gf's from chatrooms too. sa profile pa lang ng girls on chatrooms, di na dapat seryosohin. pero kung trip lang, by all means.

[empy]

give her a chance to explain herself. everyone deserves a chance to tell their side and be heard with an open mind.

if she lies, dump her.

if you're not satisfied with or trusting the explanation, dump her.

if she comes clean but promises not to do it again, it's your decision (and no one but you!) whether you feel you can trust her again. if not, dump her.

but before you dump her, get the buttseks first :banana3:

j/k about that last part

[russpogi]

Bilis ng replies sa thread ah! hehehe!

[nugundam93]

but before you dump her, get the buttseks first :banana3:

best advice evAr! :lol:

[tinky]

Do not keep it bottled up because the longer you wait, the more it's gonna eat you up inside. And believe me, just thinking about it would give you sleepless nights.

Confront her. You may not like what you're going to hear but suck it up. I'm a girl and just by reading your story , it's crystal clear that she's not over him yet.

[Flagg]

Haha! Why am I such a sucker for these kinds of threads?

...We have a may-december relationship.

For curiosity's sake... what's the age gap sir?

...Present:

We are currently more than 2 months into the relationship. 1st month into our relationship, she was kinda not into me that much and she even broke up with me a week na naging kami for vague reasons that she’s not happy anymore and she’s afraid of what people might say against her once they find out about our huge age gap. But she came back to me again coz she misses me...

Immaturity is wonderful... if you're still young...

...Few days ago, she gave me her password for her email account and told me to check an email from her classmate... I found out that she sent her pictures to a lot of guys. There was even one where she needs to send her pic to a guy for the guy to help her on a schoolwork...

Oooh, hot mama! My type of gurl... now that I'm married, that is...

... What’s more surprising was her primary pic, it’s a pic of her with her ex with the ex wrapping his arm around her and the picture was dated around our first month in the relationship. Yes, she’s seeing her ex then and I don’t know now. I even saw her ex’s friendster and his primary pic was the same one....

...I was hurt from what I saw and numerous thoughts and doubts are clouding up my mind right now.

i don't know if i should confront her or wait a few days for new developments.

No, don't... am serious.

...recently she’s been telling me stuff like she’s so blessed to have met me coz I’m way better than her ex and that she have been praying for someone like me to come along and etc. she always compares all my good qualities with her ex's bad qualities. she tells me she loves me so much and we would talk about our future like having kids and family. whenever we're together she's very sweet and very attentive to me and i somehow sense her sincerity(i don't know if magaling lang siya magpretend o sincere talaga) but whenever i looked at her friendster account and saw the pic, doubt would move over lalo na nakalagay pa sa friendster niya ay "married" sa status.

Yes, I would take her actions with a grain of salt from now on... but still, since love mo sya, give her the benefit of the doubt. Yes, it is possible not to be paranoid. Have belief in your gandang lalake-ness.

...What’s the best thing to do right now? I still love her and I’m afraid that she might broke up with me if I confront her but if I don’t confront her about it, I get no peace of mind. Here are some of my questions:

1. Is it safe to assume that she’s coming clean now considering that the pic was dated during the 1st month of our relationship, which she’s not that into me yet, coz of the reason she gave about our age gap?
- No.

Or should I consider more what she said few days after the 1st month that she decided to continue the relationship and not confront her about my findings? If she’s coming clean then why didn’t she remove their pic yet and status is "married"?
- No confrontation.

2. If I confront her about my findings, is there a chance that she would not want to continue the relationship anymore coz she might think that I may not trust her anymore instead of explaining her side to me?
- Yes there is a major chance... and then what do you get out of it? Closure, sir, you will find very overrated.

3. Or should I wait further for any new pics to come up and go from there? - Stalking is not healthy... a lesson for sir GS...

4. Was it wrong on my part to open some of her emails in the sent folder?
- In a perfect world... yes. In our wonderful one... it's not wrong.

... pwede ba niya akong hiritan ng i don't trust her kaya i checked her emails and use it against me to break up para lumabas ako ang may mali although mas malaki mali niya?
- But of course, so don't let her use it against you. Leave it hanging. Just deny looking at anything except her classmate's e-mail.

5. If I decided to confront her about it, is it better to confront her or should I ask the ex instead about the real score between them, maybe the ex will be more honest about it?
- Do not confront and the ex is not worth your time.

Any more advice and opinions will be appreciated.

If I may, sir knight... I opine that your 'December' is a whole season before my 'December-ness', judging by your questions.

With your kind leave, a little knowledge from someone who's been there, done that, as well as a whole lot worse:

1.) You will notice I advice against confrontation.
Your lady love is immature. Confrontation will only make it come out more. Then poof... just you and your hand...

2.) What will confrontation get you?
Either she begs you please, please... or more likely, say: what the hell, there's exie and a whole lot of other boys holding her pics.

Not much in the way of return, 'no?

3.) What to do?
Ah, heartless me again... (allow me to show my age... )

a.) Keep on going. Ignore your jealousy:
You are a man! She is a piece of meat now who must prove herself worthy of you. Yes sir, i am serious. What will she do for you? Will she get down on her knees? Will she act like your car's a yellow jazz? Is the library a wondrous place? You get the drift... we are after returns here. (Oh yeah, better make sure it's wondrous for her, too... a little work on your part) Btw, swallowing... wag masyadong makulit on this matter...

b.) After item a is proven exhaustively... What else is there? After boudoir service... there is domestic service. I don't mean cook & clean house. I mean little things:

She carries the tissues, not you... the pen, not you... when she sees you, a little offering: 1 jamaican pattie, or a stick of fishballs, or even 1 baggie of boy bawang... She is your cigarette supplier... You understand... It is you who must occupy her thoughts. Her main concern in life is YOUR happiness...

c.) Demand (nicely) 90% of her time... I mean it. Just one meal a week with her friends... preferably lunch. (Therefore, you better make time for her...)

d.) Demand (nicely again) to meet her parents. Yes sir, put your best foot forward with them. With parents, there's only one way to go: Money, polite wit, and good manners. They'll be yours.

After items a - d... believe me, you wouldn't even care about confronting her. You know why? You know exactly where she is... all wrapped around your pinky, sir. (Or she could be gone... which is just as well.... but I highly doubt she'd go)

Now remember, always be polite and gentle when demanding the above. Seem concerned about how she feels... look sensitive (kung love mo naman sya, it won't be a pretense)... But make sure all the above are satisfied. Then you will be satisfied. Baka she'll be the one to confess to you, pa.

Don't be a schmuck, and get rid of that schmucky jealousy. It is, you know, one of the 7 deadly sins... Use your head, sir knight...

HTH

Oh yeah, in my opinion... use her then lose her. Ehehe.

[seonadancing]

I'd say leave an open mind and talk to her about it. tell her you saw her friendster account by searching for email or name or something. Whatever happens after that then go on and decide, don't waste your time thinking and getting jealous.

Some women are really manipulative, but i beg to disagree that chatters profile are all the same. I met my fiance through chat and she's no where near manipulative or pretentious.

Buttseks boy, are you by any chance a member of bimmerforums? I saw the same comments there. Very funny indeed.

[wildthing]

If your post is true and not one of those hoax scenario....here is my opinion:

Why worry about that? Hindi mo pa naman asawa yung gf mo di ba?

Haven't you heard the saying "collect and select"....the world evolves because of natural selection...those that survive are those that are aggressive in the selection process....those that are timid will eventually lose in this world...

So why worry....you only have 2 choices to make....fight for your right for that woman or replace her...and both situation is a win-win for you!

[tinky]

Bago niya ako sinagot, she mentioned something about not totally getting over her ex yet and she would sometimes cry kung naaalala niya yung past.

sooo wrong from the get-go.
does she really like you? or on the rebound?

2. If I confront her about my findings, is there a chance that she would not want to continue the relationship anymore coz she might think that I may not trust her anymore instead of explaining her side to me?

why are you so worried about her not trusting you anymore when she's the one who's obviously hiding some dark secrets from you. go ahead and confront her, the sooner, the better.

3. Or should I wait further for any new pics to come up and go from there?

you do love surprises, dontcha?
baka sa susunod wedding pictures na makita mo dun.

4. Was it wrong on my part to open some of her emails in the sent folder? I don’t think I’m wrong coz I’m her boyfriend and she gave me authority to open her email account but I could be wrong. pwede ba niya akong hiritan ng i don't trust her kaya i checked her emails and use it against me to break up para lumabas ako ang may mali although mas malaki mali niya?

you answered your own question my friend.

[Flagg]

OT lang: Hi Ms. Z... long time no see you...