[Merged] Just for Laughs

**Litespeed** · July 17th, 2003 09:15 PM

I always love Filipino jokes. They are the best. Ha Ha Ha.

**ssaloon** · July 17th, 2003 10:47 PM

Q: anong bansa ang puro gera?
A: HAWAIi

Q: anong bansa puro barkada?
A: FRANCE

Q: anong bansa puro tinapay?
A: JAPANdesal

mas maganda pag inperson yung delivery ng forst 2 jokes... JOKE, JOKE, JOKE!!! :lol:

**baiskee** · July 17th, 2003 10:59 PM

Originally posted by ssaloon
Q: anong bansa ang puro gera?
A: HAWAIi

Q: anong bansa puro barkada?
A: FRANCE

Q: anong bansa puro tinapay?
A: JAPANdesal

mas maganda pag inperson yung delivery ng forst 2 jokes... JOKE, JOKE, JOKE!!! :lol:

mas maganda siguro di mo na lang nilagay joke mo. nyahahaha

peace bro...:D :D

**ssaloon** · July 17th, 2003 11:03 PM

Q: baket mamamatay na ang kalendaryo?
A: kasi bilang na mga araw nya.

Q: ano tinatanong ni ja rule pag-oorder sa restaurant?
A: MesMeRize?

joke, joke, joke! :D

**TEAL** · July 18th, 2003 09:46 AM

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! galing ng jokes ni kimpoy!!!! nasita tuloy ako ng boss ko kasi tawa ako ng tawa & di nagtratrabaho, hahahahahaha!!!!!!

**TEAL** · July 18th, 2003 11:26 AM

A young, good-looking Congressman from Laguna sponsored a bill recommending Filipino language be used in all levels of accounting firms and banking institutions. The solon claimed it will provide a better understanding of the business transactions for those who are inexperienced and non-English speaking citizens. The bill received unanimous approval from the House and was presented to the President for signature to become a law of the land. But in spite of the overwhelming pressure from the members of Congress, President Gloria Arroyo vetoed the bill. Why? She found out that when the English "business" words are translated in Tagalog, they sound very malicious and are "nakaka-hiya at nakaka-kilabot!" Here are a few sample words -
English to Tagalog:
Asset - Ari
Fixed asset - Nakatirik na ari
Liquid asset - Basang ari
Solid asset - Matigas na ari
Owned asset - Sariling pag aari
Other asset - Ari ng iba
Miscellaneous asset - Iba-ibang klaseng ari
Asset write off - Pinutol na pagaari
Depreciation of asset - Laspag na pagaari
Fully depreciated asset - Laspag na laspag na pagaari
Earning asset - Tumutubong pagaari
Working asset - Ganado pa ang ari
Non-earning asset - Baldado na ang ari
Erroneous entry - Mali ang pagka pasok
Double entry - Dalawang beses ipinasok
Mutiple entry - Labas pasok nang labas pasok
Correcting entry - Itinama ang pagpasok
Reversing entry - Baligtad ang pagkakapasok
Dead asset - Patay na ang ARI

**kimpOy** · July 18th, 2003 11:39 AM

na post ko na ito before pero nabaon na yata pero ito ulit

SHOWBIZ BLOOPERS
==========================

"Alam mo ate Ludz, you know, when you are alone, you really
have to step your foot...ah ,forward!"
> MELANIE MARQUEZ ANSWERING ATE LUDS QUESTION: Paano ka nag-susurvive sa mga trials mo?

" Ano kasi, she is, I mean she was, kasi past tense na nga pala..."
> SNOOKY ANSWERING A QUESTION FROM THE PANEL IN SEE-TRUE

> Eddie Mercado: Of the three titles at stake, which would you want to win?
> Finalist: I want to win the Bb. Pilipinas Universe because it honor to represent the Philippines in the whole Universe!
BINIBINING PILIPINAS CIRCA 70's

Alma Moreno wrapping up the conversation with Joey in her now defunct show Rated A. Joey de Leon was the co-host.
> Alma: So Joey, paki ulit muli yung concert mo sa University of Belt.
> Joey de leon: Ness naman eh, kaya tayo pinagtatawanan eh, University Belt

> Joe Quirino: Sharon, are you familiar with the current problems we have in the film industry?
> Sharon: Sorry, Tito Joe, I'm afraid not.
> JQ: What about you Myra, what can you say?
> Myra Manibog: Naku Tito Joe, I'm afraid also!

> Joey de Leon: How are you?
> Miss Gay Philippines contestant: How are you too!

> Eddie Mercado: Angie Dickinson has insured her legs for a million dollar, would you also do the same?
> Melanie Marquez: NO, of course no, because I am proud and contented with my long legged.
With this answer, she bagged the crown and eventually won the Miss International in 1978.

> Joe Cantada: So Atoy, what are your prospects now, mukhang makakayanan kayo ng Toyota this coming semi-finals round...
> Atoy Co: Well Joe, the ball is around! (naghanap tuloy ng bola si Joe)

> PBA anchor: So sino sa tingin mo Arnie ang may appeal sa iyong artista natin?
> Arnie Tuadles (SLN): Si JEN siyempre!
> Anchor: Sinong Jen?
> Arnie T: Si JEN SABURIT.

SA GERMSPECIAL...debut ni Janice de Belen!
> Kuya Germs: Happy Birthday Janice, Ana, may sasabihin ka pa?
> Ana Margarita Gonzales (sister ni Kring-Kring): Ilan taon ka na ngayon, Janice?

Snooky and Tom Babauta ing on Germspecial
> Kuya Germs: Do you love Philippines?
> Tom: Yes Kuya Germs.
> Kuya Germs: Have you ah made love to a Filipina?

Lydia immediately after winning against PT Usha of India for the Century Dash.in 1984 Asian Games.
> Reporter: What happened Lydia, mukhang bumanat ka sa ending.
> Lydia: OO nga, mabilis siya, but you know, I ran and I fast!

New Year's presentation ng See True:
> Ate Luds: O sige ano na ang inyong prediction para kay Stella Strada?
> Madam Auring: Lalo siyang sisikat sa darating na taon at
malalampasan niya ang kasikatan ni Alma Moreno!
> Kinabukasan - HEADLINE: STELLA STRADA COMMITS SUICIDE!
>
> Joey de Leon: Ano sa tingin mo ang katangian mo na iba sa mga kalaban mo?
> Miss Gay Philippines Contestant: Unang-una, isa akong tunay na Babaeng Pilipina na handang maglingkod sa bayan. Alam ko na ang isang Gay na katulad ko ay maaring maging halimbawa sa lipunan. OO nga kami'y pinagtatawanan subalit may karapatan din naman kaming mabuhay para hindi lamang sa sarili kundi para sa mga taong aming mapaglilingkuran.
> Joey: So Ano nga ang katangian iba sa iyo?
> Contestant: Palangiti ako.
> Vic: Kahit walang tao?

> Isang panelist sa See-True: Paano mo nabibigyanbuhay ang pag-bobold?
> Coca Nicolas: Pinaiinum ako ni Tito Rey ng FONDADOR.

> Joey de Leon: Ano ang masasabi mo sa katayuan ng mga katulad mo sa lipunan, sabi nila...blah, blah, blah..
> Miss Gay Phil Contestant: (panay ang ngiti at halatang
kinakabahan...)
> Unang una Joey at Vic, Magandang tanghali sa inyong lahat. Pwedeng pakiulit yung tanong?

> NAP GUTIERREZ INTERVIEWING MANILYN REYNES IN MOVIE MAGAZINE
> NAP: Saan ka movie outfit nakakontrata?
> MANILYN: So far, hindi ko naman pinoproblema ang mga wardrobes ko kasi ex-deal naman eh.

> JULLIE YAP DAZA ING ON VILMA!
> JULLIE: O Vi nag- na ko dito sa show. Ikaw,kailan ka naman mag-ge- sa show ko?
> VILMA: Alam mo naman Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa
pag-a-arrange ng kasal namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng marriage!

> If I were to compare the stars of my era with the star discoveries of Dr. Rey dela Cruz, it would be like placing the Taj Majal of India side by side with a Volkswagen. * CELIA RODRIGUEZ

> Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon,napaka-enlighting. Teka magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening.
> *VILMA SANTOS

> Thank you, Lucky for the flowers...where did they came from?
> *VILMA SANTOS

> Salamat po sa Board of Judges. Ito na ho yata ang pinakamaligaya kong pasko at manigong bagong taon sa inyong lahat.
> * MELANIE MARQUEZ'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR WINNING BEST ACTRESS IN A METRO FILMFEST

> "Sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait kasi ako eh"
> *MR. POGI CONTESTANT'S ANSWER TO THE QUESTION: ANO SA MUKHA MO ANG PINAKA-ASSET MO?

> Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ma.Rosario Liboon, I come from the beautiful city of Pangasinan...City!
> *SHE'S GOT THE LOOK CONTESTANT DURING THE PARADE OF CONTESTANTS

> Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Carmelita Hernandez, I come from Pasay City and I want to be a medicine!
> *ANOTHER SHE'S GOT THE LOOK CONTESTANT DURING THE PARADE OF CONTESTANTS

> BOY A: O Melanie, do you have any message to your mother-in-law in case nanonood siya ngayon!
> MELANIE: You know what Kuya Boy, I have to speak in English cause she cannot understand Tagalog. "You know what Mrs. Dee...I've long been wanting to tell you this... Ang labo mo!"

> EDU: So who's to blame?
> VILMA: Excuse me, it's not my fault anymore. It's your fault anymore!

> DESSA AFTER SINGING A SPOT NUMBER IN A REGINE VELASQUEZ CONCERT. DESSA APPARENTLY SANG A VERY VOCALLY CHALLENGING SONG AND AS EXPECTED, ENDED IT WITH A THROAT BREAKING NOTE. REGINE ENTERS.
> DESSA: O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses. Kaya mo yun?
> REGINE: Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?

> SABRINA M. MAKES TARAY TO OSANG IN A TALK SHOW.
> SABRINA M: At least hindi naman ako katulad ng iba diyan na retokado ang boobs.
> OSANG: Hoy Sabrina, oo nga itong boobs ko retokado. Pero at least ang ngipin ko hindi pustiso tulad ng sa yo! Ooops huwag kang magagalit baka malaglag yan sa sahig!

> "I am not an addict. I am the victims!" (WALA TALAGA SIYANG PAGOD,NO?)
> *Melanie Marquez-

> Host: "Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately, Melanie?"
> Melanie Marquez: "Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung "Simple and Simplicity".

Sa "Kris and Tell":
> Kris: Can you describe Dingdong in three words?
> Jessa zaragosa: Ay naku, kahit na one word na lang... MY LIFE!

. Salamat po sa Board of Judges. Ito na ho yata ang pinakamaligaya kong pasko at manigong bagong taon sa inyong lahat.

* MELANIE MARQUEZ'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR WINNING BEST ACTRESS IN A METRO FILMFEST

Successful naman ang libing ng nanay ko. *BABETTE VILLARUEL

EDU: So who's to blame?

VILMA: Excuse me, it's not my fault anymore. It's your fault anymore!

CHARLIE ARCEO: EXKYUSH me, Ate LUDSH, I have a QUESHTION to ISHNOOKY.

ISHNOOKY,GUSHTO ko lang SHANANG itanong....

SNOOKY: (SUMINGIT BEFORE CHARLIE COMPLETES HIS QUESTION)

Excuse me Charlie, pero puwede bang isulat mo na lang para malinaw?

OVERHEARD FROM A GIRL NA GALIT SA KARARATING NA BOYFRIEND SA STARBUCKS.

GIRL: My God you're so late. Where did you...Where have you... Where do you...saan ka ba galing???

HOST: WHICH DO YOU PREFER: BLONDE OR DUMB?

GIRL: DUMB NA LANG AT LEAST HINDI AKO MAPAGKAKAMALANG BLONDE!

"I am inviting all the televiewers to watch our movie "14 Going Steady on the twenty-twoth of November...."

(HAY NAKU, O SIYA....)
*Nadia Montenegro

"Sana po'y panoorin natin ang The Life Story Of Julie Vega...alam kong masaya si Julie ngayon dahil it's just around the corner.

(GAWIN DAW BANG CHRISTMAS SPIRIT SI JULIE?)
*Nadia Montenegro

"I am not an addict. I am the victims!" (WALA TALAGA SIYANG PAGOD,NO?)

*Melanie Marquez-

. "Sikat na sikat ka talaga! Wala akong masabi sa yo. Wala akong masabi lalo na sa kabaduyan mo!"

*Ai Ai delas Alas on her concert, with April Boy Regino

"Magandang Tanghali po, ako po si Luzviminda Cortez mula sa Camarines Sur, sumalangit na po ang inyong kaluluwa!"

*Miss Gay Philippines candidate during the parade of candidates

**OTEP** · July 18th, 2003 12:09 PM

Ang sarap tumawa dito sa school... hehehe

**TEAL** · July 18th, 2003 12:29 PM

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!) The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

**Litespeed** · July 18th, 2003 07:35 PM

kimpOy, your showbiz bloopers are very funny. nabasa ko na dati 'to pero oks pa rin kahit ulit-ulitin. HAHAHAHA
Most filipino actresses are gorgeous. but they are DUMB as a wall.