[Merged] Just for Laughs

[artpogi]

Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."
Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"

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Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

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Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"

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Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"

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Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
Witness: "Four times."

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Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"

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Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"

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Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"

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Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

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Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
Witness: "Not yet."

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Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

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Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
Witness: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."
Lawyer: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"

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Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"

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Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."

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Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

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Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"
Witness: "Fair."

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Lawyer: "Are you married?"
Witness: "No, I'm divorced."
Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."

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Lawyer: "And who is this person you are speaking of?"
Witness: "My ex-widow said it.

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Lawyer: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"
Witness: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."

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Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

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Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"

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Lawyer: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
Witness: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."

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The Court: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."

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Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"
Witness: "Picking them up in the air."
Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?"
Witness: "Attached to the ears."

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Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."

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Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
Witness: "Oral."
Lawyer: "How old are you?"
Witness: "Oral."

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Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
Witness: "She is my daughter."
Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"

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Lawyer: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"

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Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"

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Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"

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Lawyer: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?"
Witness: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture."

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Lawyer: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?"
Witness: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital."
Lawyer: "It was covered?"
Witness: "Yes, bandaged."
Lawyer: "Then, later on...what did you see?"
Witness: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head."

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Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."

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Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"
Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."

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Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."

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Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."
Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

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Lawyer: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?"
Witness: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words."

[ephraim]

Which lane are you?

[kimpOy]

Some English words with new Filipino meaning added to Webster's Dictionary>
> 1. contemplate - kulang ang pinggan>
2. punctuation - pera para maka-enroll
> 3. ice buko - is my hair o.k.?
> 4. tenacious - footwear for tennis
> 5. calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
> 6. devastation - sakayan ng bus
> 7. protestant - tindahan ng prutas
> 8. statue - ikaw ba yan?
> 9. predicate - pakawalan mo ang pusa
> 10. dedicate - pinatay ang pusa
> 11. aspeck - pandurog ng yelo
> 12. deduct - ang pato
> 13. defeat - ang paa (ng pato?)
> 14. detail - ang buntot (ng pato?)
> 15. deposit - gripo ( call diploma if deposit is leaking.)
> 16. city - bago mag-otso
> 17. cattle - kung saan nakatira ang hali at leyna
> 18. persuading - unang kasal
> 19. depress - ang nagkasal sa persuading
> 20. shampoo - bago mag labing-isa
> 21. profit - patunayan mo
> 22. beehive - magtino ka
> 23. CD ROM - tingnan mo ang kuwarto
> 24. debug - and ipis
> 25. july - nagsinungaling ka ba?

[kevinp]

bwahahaha! TENACIOUS! hahaha!

[kevinp]

Blonde Driving

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

[kevinp]

Baked beans and their delightful tune

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn't imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions.
On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her he'd have to walk home. He walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he figured he could indulge, and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans, and he "put-putted" all the way home.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"

She blindfolded him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms, to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

[kevinp]

Hilarious Signs

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

[jesi]

This might be old but I just got it from the e-mail.



>>Don't know if it's really true, but the telling is great.
>
>
>
>>---
>> Black Robbers - a true story
>>
>>
>> For anyone who didn't see David Letterman's take on this: (And it's a
>>true story...)
>>
>> On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of
>>quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with
>>her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the
>>quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her
>>husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.
>>
>> As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men
>> already aboard. Both were black.
>>
>> One of them was tall...very tall...an intimidating figure.
>>
>> The woman froze.
>>
>> Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next
>> thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.
>>But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and
>>stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered and ashamed. She hoped
>>they didn't read her mind but Gosh, they had to know what she was
>>thinking!!!
>>
>> Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious
>>now.
>>
>> Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty
>>effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with
>>the other foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned
>>around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed.
>>
>> A second passed, and the another second, and then another. Her fear
>>increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. My God, she
>>thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed! Her heart plummeted.
>>Perspiration poured from every pore.
>>
>> Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her to do
>> what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out
>>her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down
>>on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed.
>>
>> More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if
>>you'll just tell us what floor you're going to,
>> we 'll push the button."
>>
>> The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He
>> was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her head
>>and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. Confused,
>>she struggled to her feet.
>>
>> "When I told my friend here to hit the floor," said the average sized
>>one, "I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't
>>mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am." He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It
>>was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.
>>
>> The woman thought: My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself. She was
>>humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed
>>her.
>>
>> How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for
>> behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to
>>say.
>>
>> The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her
>> bucket.
>>
>> When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her
>>to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid
>>she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good
>>evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with
>>laughter as they walked back to the elevator.
>>
>> The woman brushed herself off.
>>
>> She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her
>>husband.
>>
>> The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses.
>>
>> Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.
>> The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."
>>
>> It was signed;
>> Eddie Murphy
>> Michael Jordan
>>

[kinyo]

Balance

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?".

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant."

"I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts."

"This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a group of islands and said, "What are those?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the Philippines, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, mountains and forests. The people from the Philippines are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as carriers of peace and love."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in the government."

[V-dub*chic]

An American and an Italian were seated next to a Filipino on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the American bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious pancakes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When the Filipino remained silent, the American smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.

"And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop."

[TEAL]

A Grave Tragedy:

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied... "My wife's first husband."

[TEAL]

Who Should Make the Coffee?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."

[TEAL]

"Guess Which One I'm Going to Marry"

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry.

"She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The mother replies, "I don't like her."

[pajerokid]

So it's back to normal folks. The soldiers are back in camp. The
adulterers are back at Oakwood. And the ****in' politicians are back on
TV!
After EDSA 1, EDSA 2, and EDSA 3, July 27 will go down in history as
GLORIETTA 4.

Q: What is coup de etat in Japanese?
A: HU-NA-SAN
Q: What is coup d etat in Mexican?
A: GRINGO!

Dad: Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?
Anak: Yes, Daddy.
Daddy: Maka-Diyos?
Anak: Sobra Dad.
Daddy: Nasaan siya?
Anak: Nandoon sa simbahan, nagmimisa!

Genie: Dahil pinalaya mo ako, may 3 wishes ka!
Man: Gawin mo akong rich, pero di bayad ng tax; powerful, pero di halata; notorious, pero wala sabit.
Genie: Mula ngayon ikaw na si PING LACSON.

Sgt: Boss, nakatakas si Al-Ghozi.
Ebdane: Huh! Did you seal all exits?
Sgt: Yes, sir!
Ebdane: Eh paano siya nakatakas?
Sgt: Doon po kasi siya lumabas sa entrance.

Two young priests discussing prospects of celibacy.
P1: Do you think Vatican will allow us to get married?
P2: Not in our generation, maybe our children!

A COW story:
America has COWboy and COWgirl.
England has madCOW.
China has MaCOW.
Russia has MosCOW. But the Philippines has the cutest
COWs:
iCOW at aCOW.

Vet: Sorry po, patay na aso nyo. Pinaliguan kasi ng anak nyo ng
laundry soap.
Nanay: Anong masama sa sabon?
Vet: Di sya doon namatay, sa washing machine!

The movie TANGING INA is a big hit. They are now filming a sequel
TANGING INA MO RIN! And the producers are also planning a third:
TANGING INA NYONG LAHAT!

Guro: Ibigay ang kahalagahan ng PERIOD!
Pupil: Nang hindi dumating ang PERIOD ni Ate, hinimatay si Mommy, nastroke is Daddy, at nagbaril sa sarili yong pari namin!

Elderly man saw his son's Viagra and asked for one. Son agreed and told him to make the most out of it cause its $10 each. The next day the son received $110. $10 from Dad ang $100 from mom!

Quote of the Century: "I voted Republican this year. The Democrats left a bad taste in my mouth. - Monica Lewinsky

Sabi ng Pari: Wag mag*** sa tubig, di ka naman isda. Wag sa damuhan di ka naman hayop. Higit sa lahat, wag sa likod ng simbahan, di ka naman pari.

Pres. GMA visited Mental Hospital and talked to a patient.
GMA: Do you know me? I'm the President
Patient: Ah, don't worry, when I came here I used to say I am the
President, but we have good doctors, you'll be cured too!

A woman's monthly cycle cleanses the womb of impurities. *** after the process is thus called ..... MATRIS RELOADED!!!!

What makes a happy man:
daughter is on the cover of Cosmo;
son is on the cover of Sports Illustrated;
mistress is on the cover of Playboy; and
wife is on the cover of Missing Persons

Doc: Congrats! Tell your husband you're pregnant.
Lady: I'm single.
Doc: Tell your lover.
Lady: There's no lover.
Doc: OK, then. Tell your parents to prepare for the second coming of Christ!

A lady visits her doctor again.
Doc: You looked more sick & exhausted than before. Are you having three meals a day as I advised?
Lady: What? I thought you said three MALES a day!

Young childless wife asked for advice.
Pastor: Keep trying.
Iglesia: Try another doctor.
Born Again: Try special diet.
Rabbi: Try yoga.
Bishop: Let me try.

Jinggoy: Dad totoo bang may side effect ang Viagra?
Erap: Tanga, sa harap ang effect niyan hindi sa side.

A widow asked a lawyer about her late husband's will.
Lawyer: Your husband left 'all he had' to the Home for the Aged.
Widow: But what about me?
Lawyer: You're "ALL HE HAD."

[TEAL]

The End Is Near!

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"

[EPhatch]

kakatawa to haha *work warning*

[kiper]

paksyet tong mga joke joke na to.






















alas-dos ng madaling-araw..sakit ng tyan ko kakatawa..hahaha..!!

[TEAL]

Guilty Conscience

An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni, and I am alive today because of it."

"Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi.

"Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty."

"It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with ***ual favors, which she did, repeatedly."

"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."

"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."

"And what is that?"

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

[TEAL]

Private Audience With the Holy Mother

After a long life of unselfish service, Father John O'Malley died and went to heaven. St Peter met him at the gate and said: "John, you did such a wonderful job for us on earth, we'd like to do something special for you. You name it; it's yours."

John thought for a moment and said: "I'd like a private audience with the Holy Mother." St Peter told him it would be arranged.

On the appointed day, St Peter escorted John to the Holy Mother's sanctuary. John went before Her, knelt, and said: "Holy Mother, I've always looked to You for guidance, and You have granted me peace and serenity through some difficult times. But I have one question that has nagged me during my whole time on earth. In all the paintings that were done of you, and in all the sculptures that were carved of you, you always looked so sad. Why is that?"

Mary thought for a moment, pursing her lips. She said: "I always wanted a girl."

[boybi]

1. Tatlong madre nagpunta sa palengke:
Madre1 : Magkano itong talong?
Tindera : Sampung piso ang apat na piraso.
Madre2 : Paano yan sister, tatlo lang ang kailangan natin?
Madre3 : Bilhin mo na sister, yung isa ulam na lang natin.


2. Teacher : Student, bakit mo dinala dito classroom yang pusa?!
Student : Nakakaawa po kasi iiwan sa bahay.
Teacher : Bakit?
Student : Narinig ko po kasi kagabi yung ate ko sinabi sa boyfriend
niya
na, "Bukas I will let you eat my pussy."


3. At a job interview?
Manager : Marunong ka ba mag-fax at mag-xerox?
***y applicant : Naku po, sir. Hindi pa ako na-xerox, pero maraming
beses
na ako na-****s.


4. Pare1 : Ang tanga talaga ng kapitbahay ko.
Pare2 : Bakit p're?
Pare1 : Ang pagka-intindi niya sa LAWSUIT e uniporme ng pulis.
Pare2 : Ang tanga naman niya! Hindi ba suot ng abogado yun.


5. A wife wanted to scare her alcoholic husband. One night, he comes
home
dead drunk, she dresses up as satan?
Husband : Shhino ka? (hik)
Wife : Si Satanas! Kukunin ko na kita!
Husband : Huwag mo akong takutin? asawa ko ang kapatid mo!


6. Nanay : Naku anak, ang dami mo dalang pera at pasalubong. Anim na
buwan
ka pa lang nagtratrabaho sa Japan a.
Anak : Ay naku Inay, kung dalawa lang ang pekpek ko, DOBLE pa yan!


7. Bagong kasal si Elias, humingi siya ng tip sa tatay niya?
Elias : 'Tay, hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat ko gawin sa honeymoon.
Tatay : Madali yan anak, basta ilagay mo ang pinaka-matigas na parte
ng
katawan mo kung saan siya umiihi.
(Kinabukasan)
Tatay : O Elias, ayos ba kagabi anak?
Elias : Ginawa ko yung sinabi mo 'Tay, muntik na akong malunod nang
ipasok
ko ang ulo ko sa inidoro namin.


8. Three Essential Things in Life:
1. Good food 2. Good sleep 3. Good ***
Number 3 lang puede na. Kasi habang nag-se-*** ka, kinakain mo. After
***
you sleep.


9. Magkumare nag-chichikahan?
Mare1 : Kinakausap mo ba ang mister mo habang nakikipag-*** ka?
Mare2 : Hindi ah! Pinapatay ko ang celphone ko para di niya ako
matawagan.


10. ***y woman nagkukumpisal sa simbahan?
***y : Those are all my sins, Father. I hope God will forgive me.
Priest : He does, my child. Pero ikwento mo nga uli yung tungkol sa
blowjob at 69.


11. Nagkita ang pari at madre sa isang seminar?
Pari : Ano ang apelyido mo, Sister?
Madre : Hulaan mo, hinahawakan mo gabi-gabi.
Pari : Titi !?!
Madre : Susmaryosep! Rosario po ang apelyido ko!