is physical intimacy important to a relationship?

[Lucius]

So in a relationship, pag ang girl pumayag that means gusto nyo talaga kami? But doesn't necessarily mean na love nyo kami right?

[froshie1]

if you can tell your sons/daughters (or future sons/daughters) that it's ok to do it before marriage hehehe then so be it! hintayin ninyong magkaanak kayo. kung ok, sige pards walang problema :D yan lang usapan dyan.

Mabilis kasing sabihin na ok eh, hintayin ninyong magkaanak kayo.

[devdevlin]

lustful guy = cannot be trusted = DUMPED with no hesitations

hhmm the situation is not based on lust kse if it was, like some of the responses here dami sideline dyan. im shying away from it kse its not what i want. i would want to share that intimacy with my gf and no one else.

[shadow]

You still haven't answered my question regarding how you define or determine ***ual compatibility.

Anyway, if I were a young adult male again, I would still wait until the honeymoon before becoming physically intimate with my partner because that is the way I was brought up. My mother taught me the value of patience and respect for the opposite ***. I had crushes in high school and I dated girls in college, but I never fantasized about having *** with them. I worked on our friendship first, watched movies with them, brought them to their home after school, talked until the sun went down, ate meals together, learned what they were like as persons, not as *** objects.

Because essentially, the lustful desire to have *** before marriage, IMO, is rooted in the mistaken belief that people are tools to be used instead of living beings created in God's image who should be respected. It's like needing to test drive a car before buying it to find out how the suspension and handling are. However, spouses are not like cars that you can trade in or junk once they no longer suit you.

My girlfriend (the woman who eventually became my spouse) and I went to Mass together. I ate at their house and talked with her parents and siblings more often than I brought her out on dates. We asked what each other thought about having kids, about work, about old age, about discipline, about the future. We exchanged boxes full of love notes and letters --and not just the wishy-washy kind, but the kind where a person bares his soul and makes himself vulnerable to a trusted other. I stood vigil beside her when she went on 48 hour duties as a medical intern. I found out her favorite foods, her favorite music and other things she liked, so that I could make her happy with small tokens of affection. I sacrificed for her, a concept that I find is getting more and more uncommon in this self-centered age.

if I may asked what circa are we talking about here? I mean your teenage years? hehehhe

What if your GF is a virgin and she says that she wants to keep it until after marriage? Is that okay with guys? Kasi I have a guy friend who said that he won't marry a girl until he knows that they are ***ually compatible (which I guess means that he should sleep with her first)

I will respect her decision and belief.....

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Boys don't want to reach for the good apples because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them when in fact they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy, the one who will risk everything, who's grave enough to climb all the way up tp the top of the tree.

I love to eat good apples...hehehehe

as to the topic what if my daughter/son do it? I wouldn't know it I'm sure until they have done it....bakit yun first time niyo ba sinabi niyo sa parents niyo na gagawin niyo na yun? you decided on your own diba?

[boydapa]

Cathy for you:

What if your GF is a virgin and she says that she wants to keep it until after marriage? Is that okay with guys? Kasi I have a guy friend who said that he won't marry a girl until he knows that they are ***ually compatible (which I guess means that he should sleep with her first)
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aha alam ko na itong linyang ito! luma na yan girl. kilala ko kayo... eto yun sinasabi ng ibang girl na may nakaraan na at nagalaw na tapos huling alas nlng nila yun line na yan para tangapin sila or buy some time. tapos sasabihin nlng na na um sila pag ikakasal na or after titignan kng tatangapin pa sila nun guy. o diba hehe
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for those dads na disagree on physical intimacy... i know these are dads na maraming atraso sa mga tsiks na ayaw nila bumalik sa kanila. wala po tayo magagawa dyan babalik at babalik talaga yan and that is the price to pay. kaya be nice hwag lang iskor tapos about face.

[mikey177]

hhmm the situation is not based on lust kse if it was, like some of the responses here dami sideline dyan. im shying away from it kse its not what i want. i would want to share that intimacy with my gf and no one else.

So if you want to share your intimacy with only your girlfriend, why can't you wait to do it until after you are married?

Again, you still haven't clarified how you determine "***ual compatibility." Better yet, could you give us instances when you could say that you are "***ually incompatible" with someone? Ano ba ito, yung tipong 6'5" yung lalaki tapos 4'11" lang yung babae?

if I may asked what circa are we talking about here? I mean your teenage years?

What difference does it make if I was born in an earlier generation? Morality does not change --only the values that people adhere to does. Before we accept these values, we must sincerely ask ourselves if they will lead us closer to what is true and holy, and not just whether they make us feel good physically.

[uls]

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Boys don't want to reach for the good apples because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them when in fact they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy, the one who will risk everything, who's brave enough to climb all the way up to the top of the tree.

Ya there are apples way up high on the tree nga...

And they think they are way much better than the apples low down...

They talk about the lower apples "Eeeew, ang cheap nila!"

But the lower apples dont care. The lower apples get their boys, they get pregnant, then get dumped.

The higher apples think "See what happened to them? Cheap kasi nila. Di tayo cheap. That wont happen to us."

But the lower apples dont care. Life goes on. They have their babies, they raise their babies... years pass... the kids bring much happiness to the lower apples...

The higher apples are still where they are... high up in the tree... they get ripe with age... they get so ripe they just fall off the tree.

Now boys notice them on the ground... but dont bother to pick them coz they are no longer fresh looking...

hehehe

[shadow]

What difference does it make if I was born in an earlier generation? Morality does not change --only the values that people adhere to does. Before we accept these values, we must sincerely ask ourselves if they will lead us closer to what is true and holy, and not just whether they make us feel good physically.

bec. generation gap plays a big role of this matter....the taboos in your generation might be just a normal thing now...

[boydapa]

uls:

The higher apples are still where they are... high up in the tree... they get ripe with age... they get so ripe they just fall off the tree.

Now boys notice them on the ground... but dont bother to pick them coz they are no longer fresh looking...

hehehe
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great! o diba! ganyan nga nangyayari tingin ng tingin pili ng pili hangang sa dumating yun point na kahit na sila na yun nagpepresent sa sarili nila ayaw na kagatin. dami ko kakilalang ganyan! hahaha

[uls]

***ual compatibility:

What if the girl doesnt like ***? What if the girl thinks *** is dirty and feels guilty doing it? (maniwala kayo meron ganyan)

What if the girl doesnt enjoy *** and thinks it's a chore or a duty to the husband?

What if the girl just lays there and does nothing and the husband does all the work? Here's worse --- total lights out, under the sheets, lays there, no reaction.

I can hear the girls' reactions now "Baket? Ano ba dapat?!" haha

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Applies to women too.

What if the guy cant satisfy you?

What if the guy finishes too early all the time?

What if the guy is impotent?

There are lots of what ifs.

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Ya sure, there things more important than physical intimacy in a relationship. But problems in the bedroom can affect things outside the bedroom.

[mikey177]

bec. generation gap plays a big role of this matter....the taboos in your generation might be just a normal thing now...

That was the point I raised in my previous reply. The so-called taboos you are referring to are the set of values prevalent at a particular time in society. My reply was that morality does not change, only values (or taboos) do --meaning, just because many people are doing something doesn't make it right.

***ual compatibility:

What if the girl doesnt like ***? What if the girl thinks *** is dirty and feels guilty doing it? (maniwala kayo meron ganyan)

What if the girl doesnt enjoy *** and thinks it's a chore or a duty to the husband?

What if the girl just lays there and does nothing and the husband does all the work? Here's worse --- total lights out, under the sheets, lays there, no reaction.

In my opinion, the answers to all of the items you posted can be extracted just by talking to your partner, without need for having actual physical contact.

Moreover, all of these problems can be solved after marriage through dialogue, prayer and counseling. Human beings aren't set in stone --we have the power to change given the right motivation.

[devdevlin]

bec. generation gap plays a big role of this matter....the taboos in your generation might be just a normal thing now...

i agree with shadow. though i dont want to get into morality, values, and religion with regards to this topic. kasi lahat tyo may kanya kanya nyan at lahat tyo were brought up differently. magtatalo lang tyo mga chiefs if we inject these factors too much sa discussion.

though to answer mikey's question, ***ual compatibility for me is knowing that my partner will be willing to explore. hindi lang yun usual stuff, i wont go into details kasi baka ma-censor na tyo ng mga admins. but i guess most people here would know what im talking about. im not the kind of guy who would not want to do certain stuff with my gf, but rather do with somebody else. i know there are guys who are like this. i am not questioning them but i dont want to be like them.

just to add, this is not just for my personal gratification. i would also want to know how to please my partner. i would want to know what she likes, dislikes, or may be WOULD like when sharing the intimacy. i know din kse most women are not happy with their partners coz hndi nila namamatch yun expectations at satisfactions nila. i dont want to be in that kind of a relationship na i cannot make my partner happy sa physical intimacy.

[uls]

great! o diba! ganyan nga nangyayari tingin ng tingin pili ng pili hangang sa dumating yun point na kahit na sila na yun nagpepresent sa sarili nila ayaw na kagatin. dami ko kakilalang ganyan! hahaha

Exactly.

Meron ako kilala isang 38 year old girl. Very intelligent, Masters degree, well travelled. Yun nga lang single parin. Kasi lakas mamintas ng lalake. Lahat ng nirereto sa kanya may mali.

Hindi daw galing sa good school (UP kasi sya so kung di ka UP or Ateneo wala ka), nakakalbo na raw, kesyo ganun, kesyo ganyan...

Her younger sister who is 27... is, well, less of an achiever... pero madami boys.

After a whirlwind romance with one of her boys (States-based, vacationed here), she packed her stuff and flew to the States with the guy and they got married. Na-shock kami lahat sa ginawa nya.

Now this 38 year old sister couldnt accept the fact that her much younger sister na hindi kasing talino nya nag asawa na... and to a guy who has a good job and grad ng isang university sa States.

So she just grabbed the next guy that came along and got married. A 40 year old balding guy.

[uls]

Have any of u surplus guys experienced having done it with a girl and immediately after, u felt u dont want to see her again?

After that, u didnt call or text her na. Naexperience nyo na yun?

[devdevlin]

Have any of u surplus guys experienced having done it with a girl and immediately after, u felt u dont want to see her again?

After that, u didnt call or text her na. Naexperience nyo na yun?

chief sorry sa pagiging ignorante, but ano ang isang surplus na lalake?

[uls]

chief sorry sa pagiging ignorante, but ano ang isang surplus na lalake?

got the term from the other thread. Guys who already had premarital ***. Di na brand new hehe

[devdevlin]

got the term from the other thread. Guys who already had premarital ***. Di na brand new hehe

whahaha ok sa analogy ah parang tsikot din.

[valskie01]

What if your GF is a virgin and she says that she wants to keep it until after marriage? Is that okay with guys? Kasi I have a guy friend who said that he won't marry a girl until he knows that they are ***ually compatible (which I guess means that he should sleep with her first)

im the luckiest person if this is the kind of gf i have. tell to your guy friend na masuwerte siya sa gf niya

[smooth]

time out. joke muna.

one guy was desperate to marry a virgin. dismayed by the choices in his social circle, he decided to adopt a 3 year old girl and then proceeded to send her to the convent. on her 18th birthday, he takes her out of the convent and marries her. on their honeymoon, he pulls out some lubricating (KY) jelly. "what's that?", the girl asks. the guy, happy that his bride's a virgin, gamely answers, "its so that i won't hurt you." "oh," the girl replies, "why don't you just spit on it like the monks do?"

hehehehe (sorry na-OT, couldn't help it hehehe)

anyway, from a strictly medical point of view, if you can't be good, then please be protected. STI's (***ually transmitted infections) are no laughing matter. and also, it might be a good idea to vaccinate your daughters against HPV before puberty.

[valskie01]

physical intimacy is important to a married relationship but not to gf/bf relationship.