HELP: Married but in a dilemma

[larshell]

Pare ito yong sinabi ng tatay ko bago ako nag-asawa. Mang-babae ka pero wag mo iiwanan ang pamilya mo. Don't be an a-hole. Sabihin mo sa dun sa babae na iwan nya na yong asawa nya at ikaw nalang bahala sa kanya at mga anak nya. Bakit mo iiwan yong isa kung pwede naman silang dalawa. Be sure lang you can afford it. Mahal ang gatas ngayon.

[van_wilder]

divorce muna kayo... then go to her. then leave her. go back to your wife. kidding.



just pray and ask yourself if He is on the same sit, "what would Jesus do?"

[Jun aka Pekto]

What if you are doing your darnest best to bring back the feeling but its really gone. Its sad but this things do happen in REAL LIFE.

If that's the case, then what's your wife's say in all these? If she's not involved in all these, then you haven't really tried your best yet.

Now if your wife knows all these and she allows you to leave her, it's up to you. I still think it'll bring chaos. But, you two are adults. You two can deal with the repercussions.

[valskie01]

Thanks sa mga nagbigay ng words of enlightenment. Lahat naman ng mga suggestions niyo ay naisip or iniisip ko. But the point is, what if hindi mo na talaga mahal spouse mo. What if you are doing your darnest best to bring back the feeling but its really gone. Its sad but this things do happen in REAL LIFE. Minsan naiisip ko rin kung bakit nandyan at ginawa pa yung "legal system" About my young daughter, kahit anuman mangyari hindi ko naman siya pababayaan. The fact remains na bago ko pa ma meet ulit yung friend ko, I already have this dilemma. Its as if I'm just always going through the motions na lang.

About my friend, I've searched my feelings for her and I'm pretty damn sure its NOT LUST. But the thing is minsan hindi ko talaga alam status ko sa kanya. Minsan she's sending mixed signals din kasi kaya its best for me to enumerate yung mga instance not because "kinikilig" lang ako when I read them but para maintindihan ng mga mag-popost or mag susuggest if ever.

The next time she comes back in a few months time I'm planning to reveal to her all what's in my mind including what I feel for her.

Bro, i think you really need guidance! like what i've said in my previous post love is not just feeling. Pag tinuloy mo yang nararamdaman at naging kayo leaving your wife and your daughter, i'm sure pag nawala na ang feeling mo sa friend mo at hindi ka na "in-love" sa kanya iiwanan mo din siya.

[just4u]

kahit na ano ang sabihin ng mga tsikoteers dito siyempre, nasa sa iyo pa rin ang desisyon... ang tanong ko bakit determined ka masyadong mapasaiyo ang taong di ka pinansin noon at iiwan ang pamilyang nagmamahal ng buo sa iyo?... siyempre pag nagsama kayo ng babae di malalayo ang mga anak niya sa kanya... kelangan susuyuin mo rin ang mga anak niya para matiwasay ang buhay ninyo, are you going to do this at the expense of your wife and daughter?...

i think you're the one who should wake up and face the real life... because in reality, you're married and have a family who loves you... and face it, you haven't done anything to salvage your marriage... kasi if you have, you wouldn't go on seeing the woman... instead, you would ask your wife for a night-out....

pasensiya na at medyo direct... peace

[allen_the_great]

Don't do it. Please.

[GasJunkie]

No need to say please he already made up his mind.




:fly:

[redorange]

Thanks sa mga nagbigay ng words of enlightenment. Lahat naman ng mga suggestions niyo ay naisip or iniisip ko. But the point is, what if hindi mo na talaga mahal spouse mo. What if you are doing your darnest best to bring back the feeling but its really gone. Its sad but this things do happen in REAL LIFE. Minsan naiisip ko rin kung bakit nandyan at ginawa pa yung "legal system" About my young daughter, kahit anuman mangyari hindi ko naman siya pababayaan. The fact remains na bago ko pa ma meet ulit yung friend ko, I already have this dilemma. Its as if I'm just always going through the motions na lang.

About my friend, I've searched my feelings for her and I'm pretty damn sure its NOT LUST. But the thing is minsan hindi ko talaga alam status ko sa kanya. Minsan she's sending mixed signals din kasi kaya its best for me to enumerate yung mga instance not because "kinikilig" lang ako when I read them but para maintindihan ng mga mag-popost or mag susuggest if ever.

The next time she comes back in a few months time I'm planning to reveal to her all what's in my mind including what I feel for her.

First stop thinking with the head between your legs and start using the one on your neck. Second stop searching for feelings about your friend and start searching for feelings for your wife.
Third the legal system is one of the things that seperates us from animals who just mate with anyone they wish. Fourth when you married your wife I am pretty sure you had feelings for her also, but now after so many years those feelings have matured and are not the same as the "kilig" you feel for your friend. Should you go on with what you are thinking how do you know that same "kilig" feeling will stay and not fade also like with your wife. What will you do then? Look for another reason to abandon the relationship?? You say she doesn't like her husband because he is a womanizer but you are no different with what you are doing to your wife. Last, stop living in the past and start living with the here and now and prepare for the future of your child. You now have responsibilities and the day that child was born your happiness became secondary to everything. Go see a marriage councilor with your wife before you say you have done everything to rekindle the flame. Because now you are too busy thinking about your friend to think about your wife and the family that you two made together.

I realize now that with your initial post and the one that followed that you are looking for someone to say that you are doing the right thing and to go for it. Unfortunately or fortunately for you people in Tsikot have more sense than to give you an advice to wreck your family.

[wildthing]

Yup your mindset is towards your friend and not towards your real family.

Highly recommended that you seek a professional help before it ruins your life...oops nagstart na nga e.

[saint_benidict]

Sir real life,

para lang mapagbigyan mo ang sarili mo, "tirahin mo na, bago tirahin ng iba",
>>ang magandang dahilan jan bakit mo nagawa eh
#1. tao ka lang, nagkakasala.
#2. lalaki ka, tinatayuan.

then after that, go back to your wife, start a new life. hwag mo na isipin si friend.

tapos

[redorange]

Sir real life,

para lang mapagbigyan mo ang sarili mo, "tirahin mo na, bago tirahin ng iba",
>>ang magandang dahilan jan bakit mo nagawa eh
#1. tao ka lang, nagkakasala.
#2. lalaki ka, tinatayuan.

then after that, go back to your wife, start a new life. hwag mo na isipin si friend.

tapos

Does anybody else see the irony that this advice is coming from someone calling themselves Saint Benedict?

[Alpha_One]

I don't feel qualified to give any love or marriage advice. However, I can see how completely one sided this whole story is.

First of all, as everybody else has pointed out, you only seem to be considering the feelings of yourself, not the ones of the parties involved.

Second, you seem to be using your friend's husband as a scapegoat for your whole dilemma. You say your friend's husband is causing problems for his family. You never mentioned having any problems with YOUR family. Just stop and think about it for a moment, do YOU want to be THE PROBLEM? Do you want to be just like your friend's husband? Do you want YOUR wife to be searching for her high school suitor because of YOU, the "philandering" husband?

Your friend's problems are hers and hers alone. Do not let it become your family's problem.

[moneywhiz]

an uncle of mine has this Pinoy friend here in NY.....kamukha ni Jestoni Alarcon at Aga Muhlach na pinaghalo, blackbelter pa sa karate....mas gwapo pa nga kay Aga pero mas matanda nga lang......a lot of Pinay nurses and doctors wanted to leave their boyfriends and husbands for him....not only pinays but latinas and whites too have fallen in love with him....BUT he never left his wife for these women....hindi naman gaano maganda yung asawa niya, hindi din mayaman yung pamilya nung babae.....he did fell in love with another woman but he made everything possible not to leave his wife hanggang siya na yung lumayo dun sa babae niya after a few weeks....he said he would rather pay a prostitute than to have an affair with another woman because having an affair would most likely to result to his family being broken....he said his wife loves him very much, she is a very devoted wife and mother to their children and never cheated on him.....

ako din starstruck dito sa New York.....ang daming puti, asians at latinas na magaganda pero im sticking to my wife no matter what happens.....we have sacrificed a lot together and i would not drop her like a hot potato just because someone more beautiful than her showed interests in me......i am a very lucky guy to have met my wife.....im not gonna put our relationship in jeopardy.....

im sure your situation is different but you have to stay strong and you have to be committed to your wife and kids....do your best to rekindle your "lost" feelings for your wife and always think about your kids as well....

[HIFI]

Real_Life:

I think you're just looking for justification on what you're about to do (or have done) sa forum na ito.

When something is wrong, it's wrong. Period.

Are you being pressured to commit? Why don't you cool off a bit and tell you're friend, na this is wrong.

Unless your wife have done something really stupid, I don't think you should even consider this.

[wren]

The grass seems greener at the other side of the fence...forbidden fruits are always more desirable...but once you go to the other side of the fence, you'll notice that the grass is not greener, it's actually full of weeds...one bite of that apple and you'll find out that it was forbidden because it was worm infested.

[BoEinG_747]

pare 5 letters lang ,

sana matakot ka sa ..........K A R M A

[EC248M]

ito lang masasabi ko.

nilalagay mo kasi sa isip at puso mo yong dati mong friend. why don't you try to give a full quality time to your family para mawala siya sa isip mo. baka pagsisihan mo sa bandang huli.

[Mz5]

a mistake wouldn't correct another mistake bro..

just turn around and forget entertaining those "what if" excuses of yours.

its not too late yet. you'll be thanking us later, you'll see.

[Hanren]

Thanks sa mga nagbigay ng words of enlightenment. Lahat naman ng mga suggestions niyo ay naisip or iniisip ko. But the point is, what if hindi mo na talaga mahal spouse mo. What if you are doing your darnest best to bring back the feeling but its really gone. Its sad but this things do happen in REAL LIFE. Minsan naiisip ko rin kung bakit nandyan at ginawa pa yung "legal system" About my young daughter, kahit anuman mangyari hindi ko naman siya pababayaan. The fact remains na bago ko pa ma meet ulit yung friend ko, I already have this dilemma. Its as if I'm just always going through the motions na lang.

About my friend, I've searched my feelings for her and I'm pretty damn sure its NOT LUST. But the thing is minsan hindi ko talaga alam status ko sa kanya. Minsan she's sending mixed signals din kasi kaya its best for me to enumerate yung mga instance not because "kinikilig" lang ako when I read them but para maintindihan ng mga mag-popost or mag susuggest if ever.

The next time she comes back in a few months time I'm planning to reveal to her all what's in my mind including what I feel for her.

Bro..dito pa lang talo ka na. You are gambling on something na hindi mo naman pala alam ang at stake. Think also of the distance. I am not pre empting what she might feel for you pero sa layo niyo sa isa't isa eh baka possibleng may iba pa rin doon na pinag tutuunan niya ng pansin di ba?

Just think before you reveal to her everything. People are likely to fall on something na mysterious ang dating. It is a trap. Walang trap na walang "hook" ..

[XTO]

Do you admit that she’s more attractive than your wife?
or you just want to try and taste her? I think so kasi kung
hindi siya attractive sa ‘yo hindi aabot sa ganito.
Seriously, Mahirap kasi pag lust ang nangibabaw, hahamakin
ang lahat "matira" ka lamang. Gud luck