HELP: Married but in a dilemma

[AnuVaYan]

Thanks sa mga nagbigay ng words of enlightenment. Lahat naman ng mga suggestions niyo ay naisip or iniisip ko. But the point is, what if hindi mo na talaga mahal spouse mo. What if you are doing your darnest best to bring back the feeling but its really gone. Its sad but this things do happen in REAL LIFE. Minsan naiisip ko rin kung bakit nandyan at ginawa pa yung "legal system" About my young daughter, kahit anuman mangyari hindi ko naman siya pababayaan.

Let me tell you something that also happens in REAL LIFE, fact is, kahit anong gawin mo, hindi magiging pareho ang treatment ninyo sa mga bata. Kung yung totoong magkapatid nga e nag aaway sa attention ng mga magulang, yun pang hindi talaga magkapatid? How sure are you na hindi mamamaltrato ang anak mo kapag hindi ka nakatingin?

Kung ako naman sa HS friend mo, kung talagang buwisit ang asawa ko, makikipag hiwalay ako sa kanya pero hindi ako hahanap ng ibang lalaki to take his place. Hello??? E paano kung magsawa ka din sa akin tulad ng pagsasawa mo sa asawa mo? E pag nagdalaga na anak ko e di mas sariwa yun baka sya pa puntiryahin mo.

If you break a promise, you are not to be trusted, and you made a promise to your wife and to GOD.

[tagalnasaabroad]

kapatid real_life ang dilemma mo naranasan din yan ng karamihan lalo na yong mga malalayo sa pamilya..ma babae man sya o lalaki..in fact 2 of my office colleagues are living off with 2 women (d kolang alam kung me pamilya yong mga babae) also working somewhere in the middle east..
but if all else fail notwithstanding advises you've been getting from 2 forums asking you to be sober at "magpakatotoo ka", go find someone to help you para magpaconvert into a MUSLIM..with this you solve your problem getting polygamous..as to other consequencies you're on your own..

[ts1n1ta]

we'll all pray for you.
God bless.

real_life, sana ang pag post mo sa forum ng dilema mo is because you need the strength to do what's right. Sa pagbasa ng post namin sana naman mabigyang linaw ang lahat ng kaguluhang ito. But if you're looking for anybody na magkukunsinte sa sayo...im sorry..mukhang wala. Deep down I know that you KNOW what to do. Do what's right. Sabi nga ni m2k, "we'll be praying for you".

[xoom]

ang dami nyong mga comments and advices pero ni isa sa inyo walang nakaisip ng solusyon sa problema ni real life

kapatid na real life, ito lang masasabi ko sayo para matapos na yang suliranin mo. MAGPACONVERT KA NA LANG AS A MUSLIM. hanggang apat na bebot pwede mong ibahay, legal pa seriously, joke lang po hehehe

[ts1n1ta]

ang solusyon sa problema nya?

nye. nde mo pala nakuha yung mensahe.. ang solusyon nya eh...umiwas sa tukso.

[jonski]

to thre3adstarter: how old are you? based on your post parang kang highschool na kinikilig sa mga text and emails niya nagtatanong kana meron bang meaning ang mga one liner niya? , for pete's sake grow up!!!

kasi pare noon wala pang text and email kaya ngayon lang sya kinikilig sa mga text galing sa girl na yon


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dont do it pare. think about it...kapag nagkatuluyan kayong dalawa, malaki chance na masasawa din kayo sa isat isa.

[HyBrideVo]

i was just wondering di kaya si MA ang tinutukoy nyang "friend"

[space invader]

bro, ang dami ko ng narinig na kwentong ganyan sa LOVE NOTES ni JOE D' MANGO every friday 10:15 am with replays at 7:15 pm over on Wave 89.1 [ayan, nag plug pa ako] hehehehe..

narinig ko na sa love notes ni joe d' mango yung story na gaya ng sayo.. to make the story short, in the end, merong isang mag gi-give way.. masakit man isipin aabot din sa point na magkakahiwalay din kayo at dahan-dahan na matatanggap mo yun.. wala nman nagsabing bawal magmahal ng tao.. pero, think to the point na parehas na kayong married at responsibilidad nyo na pagsilbihan ang pamilya nyo.. pwede nman kayo maging 'friends'..

[Jun aka Pekto]

I can't say I blame real life. After all we're all human beings and human beings aren't perfect. If this was a perfect world, we'd all be marrying our HS sweethearts. Still, we have our priorities. It should be clear to real life what his real priorities should be.

I did learn a few things from this thread. I too have often wondered what my life would have been like if I kept in touch with my HS crush. I only found out I had a chance with her shortly before I left. I didn't pursue it any further because I wasn't sure when I'll be back and I didn't want her holding a torch for me.

But through the years, that thought had crossed my mind. I even managed to get her cellphone number although it wasn't easy. I've thought about giving her a call just to say hello. But reading through this thread, calling my HS crush would probably result in myself being in real life's situation. It's better if my HS crush doesn't know I still exist. The "what ifs" will still be there bugging me. But at least, I still have my family which is my real priority.

[oldblue]

lately i've been hearing a lot about married men and women hooking up.

I mean married men preferring married women and married women preferring married men. Not to mention swingers which is another topic.

what the hell is happening to our society?

Here's the troubling thing... married women who get pregnant could be having the other guy's child... and the real husband doesnt have a clue.

baka napanood din nila pinoykamasutra ni Katya Santos, highly recommended yan duon eh

[oldblue]

Let me tell you something that also happens in REAL LIFE, fact is, kahit anong gawin mo, hindi magiging pareho ang treatment ninyo sa mga bata. Kung yung totoong magkapatid nga e nag aaway sa attention ng mga magulang, yun pang hindi talaga magkapatid? How sure are you na hindi mamamaltrato ang anak mo kapag hindi ka nakatingin?

Kung ako naman sa HS friend mo, kung talagang buwisit ang asawa ko, makikipag hiwalay ako sa kanya pero hindi ako hahanap ng ibang lalaki to take his place. Hello??? E paano kung magsawa ka din sa akin tulad ng pagsasawa mo sa asawa mo? E pag nagdalaga na anak ko e di mas sariwa yun baka sya pa puntiryahin mo.

If you break a promise, you are not to be trusted, and you made a promise to your wife and to GOD.

oo nga sir makinig kay ma'm.

the point is kung kaya gawin ng ex mo sa asawa nya yan, lalo na sayo in the long run.

[wren]

everyone has their share of temptations, some more so than others, but the trick is to not succumb to them. i just thank God members of the opposite *** don't pay an ounce of attention to me...less hassle to deal with.

[oldblue]

for me, the best way to combat temptation is to give in to it partially. not succumb to it.

[seonadancing]

I don't think that this is a question of temptation. Sa akin lang, we only live once and we can die tomorrow, so anything that will make me happy today, i'll take it. Of course I'll have to guage the consequences but in any case, life is a pursuit of happiness. Kung di na kayo masaya sa mga partners nyo then what's the point? The thing is if haven't tried to work out the marraige with your wife then you might as well do that first, pero kung wala na talaga, you need to let your wife find her happiness too. And ikaw, dun ka na sa old flame mo, at least your happy and she's happy, and tomorrow you could die or you could remain happy with her. Another thing is that, sa tingin mo ba masaya pa yun asawa mo sayo? Your partner's happiness should at least be taken into considertaion pero kung pareho kayong di na masaya, mas mabuti pang maghiwalay na.

Marraige is overrated. If you're not happy in it, try to make it work, if not, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. So habang buhay ka pa, find a way to be happy, if it's going to be with another woman then think about it. Madali talaga magsalita e, pero think about it, one life to live...

[j_avonni]

Let me tell you something that also happens in REAL LIFE, fact is, kahit anong gawin mo, hindi magiging pareho ang treatment ninyo sa mga bata. Kung yung totoong magkapatid nga e nag aaway sa attention ng mga magulang, yun pang hindi talaga magkapatid? How sure are you na hindi mamamaltrato ang anak mo kapag hindi ka nakatingin?

Kung ako naman sa HS friend mo, kung talagang buwisit ang asawa ko, makikipag hiwalay ako sa kanya pero hindi ako hahanap ng ibang lalaki to take his place. Hello??? E paano kung magsawa ka din sa akin tulad ng pagsasawa mo sa asawa mo? E pag nagdalaga na anak ko e di mas sariwa yun baka sya pa puntiryahin mo.

If you break a promise, you are not to be trusted, and you made a promise to your wife and to GOD.

Very well said!

Just try your best to keep your family intact.

[tsupermario]

I don't think that this is a question of temptation. Sa akin lang, we only live once and we can die tomorrow, so anything that will make me happy today, i'll take it. Of course I'll have to guage the consequences but in any case, life is a pursuit of happiness. Kung di na kayo masaya sa mga partners nyo then what's the point? The thing is if haven't tried to work out the marraige with your wife then you might as well do that first, pero kung wala na talaga, you need to let your wife find her happiness too. And ikaw, dun ka na sa old flame mo, at least your happy and she's happy, and tomorrow you could die or you could remain happy with her. Another thing is that, sa tingin mo ba masaya pa yun asawa mo sayo? Your partner's happiness should at least be taken into considertaion pero kung pareho kayong di na masaya, mas mabuti pang maghiwalay na.

Marraige is overrated. If you're not happy in it, try to make it work, if not, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. So habang buhay ka pa, find a way to be happy, if it's going to be with another woman then think about it. Madali talaga magsalita e, pero think about it, one life to live...

love/happiness vs. marriage?

[creepy]

I don't think that this is a question of temptation. Sa akin lang, we only live once and we can die tomorrow, so anything that will make me happy today, i'll take it. Of course I'll have to guage the consequences but in any case, life is a pursuit of happiness. Kung di na kayo masaya sa mga partners nyo then what's the point? The thing is if haven't tried to work out the marraige with your wife then you might as well do that first, pero kung wala na talaga, you need to let your wife find her happiness too. And ikaw, dun ka na sa old flame mo, at least your happy and she's happy, and tomorrow you could die or you could remain happy with her. Another thing is that, sa tingin mo ba masaya pa yun asawa mo sayo? Your partner's happiness should at least be taken into considertaion pero kung pareho kayong di na masaya, mas mabuti pang maghiwalay na.

Marraige is overrated. If you're not happy in it, try to make it work, if not, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. So habang buhay ka pa, find a way to be happy, if it's going to be with another woman then think about it. Madali talaga magsalita e, pero think about it, one life to live...

Real_Life: may dahilan ka na para hiwalayan asawa mo...

[fortuner13]

real life...eto medyo similar case niyo... one of JOE THE MANGO story


TWO ENDS OF THE BRIDGE

Dear Joe,
John and I had been officemates and friends for a long time, having worked in the same company for close to six years now. He used to bug me about a girl friend of mine whom he likes very much, something that sometimes annoys me despite the fact that John and I are quite close.
Still, I keep noticing his strange behavior towards me, like always asking me out to lunch, dinner, movies, or simply hanging out in my office. He would sometimes visit me at home and play chess with my dad for hours, while I laughed hard at his antics, something that my family finds so entertaining. My brothers and sisters used to tease me about having John as my boyfriend. But being aware of his affection for my best friend always leads me to dismiss our closeness as sibling-like. I never gave it a second thought.
Four years ago, I met Allan, an extremely impressive guy who immediately captured my heart. A year after that, Allan and I got married. We were blessed with a healthy and beautiful baby girl. Allan is so sweet and thoughtful, and his family is so good to me. Joe, I thought I had it made. With a wonderful family and a stable income, I thought life could never get any better than that.
While I was enjoying the bliss of a happy marriage, John was on the other hand, still struggling amidst one failed relationship after another. As much as I wanted to be there for him like I used to, the demands of my family life won't allow it anymore. Still we remained close, and he even became friends with my husband Allan, as well as developed great fondness for my daughter. John became the family friend, he was always there for us, and us for him too.
One day while having lunch with John, I asked him why he hasn't considered getting married yet. His mood suddenly turned serious when he said he thinks all the good ones are already taken, while staring intently at me. Joe, at that moment I felt a strange chill envelop my body. We fell silent while finishing our meal, and stayed that way until we went back to work. I can't explain how I felt that day, like I was both excited and scared at the same time. I have a strong feeling he was making a pass on me. And for some reason, I was thrilled at the possibility. But upon coming home I realized how wrong I was for entertaining such thoughts. I could never in good conscience betray my husband's trust in me.
Still, the thought persisted. It gave me lots of sleepless nights. I can't understand why all of the sudden I can't get John out of my mind. Whenever we see each other at work, we would only stare at each other. My longing to approach him and be with him is so intense it's almost painful, Joe. And I can see that he's undergoing the same ordeal. One rainy afternoon, I was surprised when John entered my office. He just stood there and didn't say a word for a few minutes. I tried to act nonchalantly while continuing on with my work. When he spoke, I felt a thousand explosions going off simultaneously inside my heart. John told me how all these years he secretly loved me, but was too frightened to express his feelings for fear that it might ruin our friendship. At that moment, I realized I can't hold back the fact that I had fallen in love with him too. I broke down and wept silently, my tears free-falling on the computer keyboard. He attempted to come close to comfort me, but I thought being physically close to him at that moment of weakness would be disastrous, so I gestured him to leave despite strong protestations from my heart. After he left, I decided to go home early, I was too confused to work.
John didn't report to work on the next couple of days, which caused me to miss him like hell. On the fourth day while I was getting ready to go home, John entered my office. Joe, I wasn't able to control myself, and immediately ran to him and embraced him tight. At that moment, time seemed to have stood still while John and I kissed passionately. We spent hours at the breakwaters near the Army & Navy Club, just talking and cuddling with each other. When I got home just before midnight, I felt like I was stabbed in the heart when I saw Allan sleeping beside our daughter. I have committed a terrible sin against my family, but I can't think of any way to correct it.
John and I continued seeing each other while keeping our relationship a secret from our officemates. Occasionally we would go out on weekends under the excuse that I have to beat some deadlines. We never did IT, if you know what I mean. John said for now he's content with just being alone with me. But I'm not sure until when we can hold out, because our secret encounters keep getting more and more intense everytime. My husband never suspected anything, except when he wondered out loud one day why John stopped paying us a visit at home.
Joe, I know I have to stop this madness. I would have to be stupid to ruin my happy family life, but I just can't stay away from John. I feel so terrible whenever he's not around. It's like he fills a certain void in my life that I didn't know was there before. I still love Allan, and our daughter of course. But the more I think about stopping, the more I long for John's presence. I realize sooner or later the truth will come out, and I can't bear to think about the consequences if it does. I don't know what to do.
Sincerely,
Rona
==========
Dear Rona,
I know how much you want to cross the other side of the bridge and see what life would be like there. I have known several married women who have felt exactly the way you did. Some of them crossed the line but others have come to their senses and realized that their desire was senseless and futile. Those who closed their eyes and made it to the other end found momentary happiness. But as soon as the thrill of their secret romance was over, they just found out that there was nothing so extraordinary about the entire affair. It turns out to be just a fulfillment of something they wanted but something they really didn't need.
Rona, you are playing a dangerous adventure with John. It was probably your long kept , unspoken and repressed feelings for each other that made it easy for you to get yourselves entangled in this sinister emotional trap. In this case, you and you alone will be held responsible for your actions and its consequences. Maybe it wasn't you or John's fault that you waited too long and too late to express your love for each other . But that's fate . You were probably never meant to be. In any marriage, there comes a time when we want to take off our wedding rings and live our uncommitted lives again. We become wishful thinkers and daydream about being happy with someone else. Someone who makes our hearts jump again and someone who makes us feel important and loved. But we know that marriage doesn't come with a dissatisfied or an "I'm in love with someone else" certificate
Rona, you are halfway through the bridge. Your family is waiting on the other side. John is calling on you from the other end. This is your game. The next move is yours. Remember the rule, you can only be at one end of the bridge at one time and when you're there, those on the other end may never be around when you decide to come back.
Rona, you know what you stand to lose and you know in your heart that you will give up more than what you will gain. When you embrace John, think about your daughter. When you kiss him, think about your husband. When you feel like giving in, think about your family. When you miss him like crazy and feel like dying without his love, think of God and how He wonderfully blessed you with a good life. You and John may have all the good reasons to pursue your relationship, but remember, in the eyes of God, there can never be anything better than loving your very own family. There is nothing more beautiful than being happy together. Remember Rona, even if you think you did, you never had the right love at the wrong time. You just had a right husband and fell for a wrong man. And I hope that you will soon realize that it is never too late to right what is wrong and find love and lasting happiness with the beautiful family that God has blessed you with.
Joe

[oldblue]

I don't think that this is a question of temptation. Sa akin lang, we only live once and we can die tomorrow, so anything that will make me happy today, i'll take it. Of course I'll have to guage the consequences but in any case, life is a pursuit of happiness. Kung di na kayo masaya sa mga partners nyo then what's the point? The thing is if haven't tried to work out the marraige with your wife then you might as well do that first, pero kung wala na talaga, you need to let your wife find her happiness too. And ikaw, dun ka na sa old flame mo, at least your happy and she's happy, and tomorrow you could die or you could remain happy with her. Another thing is that, sa tingin mo ba masaya pa yun asawa mo sayo? Your partner's happiness should at least be taken into considertaion pero kung pareho kayong di na masaya, mas mabuti pang maghiwalay na.

Marraige is overrated. If you're not happy in it, try to make it work, if not, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. So habang buhay ka pa, find a way to be happy, if it's going to be with another woman then think about it. Madali talaga magsalita e, pero think about it, one life to live...

I can relate sir. ive been observing families eh. local or american. minsan talaga nagpipilit na lang talaga yun iba magsama kasi may kids na, kasi sabi ng simbahan or religion.

usually makikita talaga ito sa mga relationships na sloppy na both husband and wife. yun tipong nananaba, hindi man lang mag-ayos ng sarili tapos pag nag-attend ng function o event, kala mo ang laki ng salas nila hehehe puro kain at luto na lang inaatupag.

dapat talaga husband and wife kahit na 10 years or more na sila, nag-aayos pa din para sa better half nila.

kaya nga as guys dapat mapili tayo sa mga girls, hindi yun porkit bespren mo, mabait sya, matalino/smart sya, okey na. tingin ko the best girls are those who make an effort for them to look gorgeous/pretty everytime. they're the most resourceful and the more fun to be with in the long run.

[seonadancing]

What I'm trying to say is, marraige doesn't equate to happiness. Meron ngang hindi kasal na mas masaya pa at nagmamahalan e, that doesn't make them any less human just because they didn't follow the normal path of marraige. Hindi ba mas important yun mahal mo yun partner mo kaysa yun wedding certificate na hawak nyo. Eh kung di na kayo nagmamahalan bakit kailangan pilitin na mag sama. Syempre, you can't neglect your kids. Any rational kid would understand why you need to find love and happiness coz they'll end up doing the same thing as they grow old.