Joke Time!

[jodski]

Classic natin

[cardict]

Classic natin

Sana yan nag nagamit sa mamasapano


sana yan ang nagamit sa mamasapano

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Classic natin

Sana yan nag nagamit sa mamasapano


sana yan ang nagamit sa mamasapano

[carofsteel]

Classic natin

Wala pala di FPJ dito eh. Kalahating bala ka lang.

[Monseratto]

A very rich married man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

The man not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, told the Italian woman he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. And If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

The Italian woman was skeptical but she agreed, she then asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. And once he got the postcard he would then arrange for the child support to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. ‘Sweetie, she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today from Italy.’

‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said.

The wife said ok and then watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without. Send extra sauce.

[Monseratto]

I love my nothing box...

[Monseratto]

A nun walking home, badly needed to use to the bathroom, but nothing was open except the local Hooters, so she walked in.

The place was packed and it was hopping with music and loud conversations and every once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’ Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when they saw the nun, the room went silent, so silent that you could hear a pin drop. The nun walked up to the bartender, and asked, ‘Sir, may I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, ‘Sure thing, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,’ said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, ‘Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?’

Well, now everyone knows you’re one of us,’ said the bartender, ‘Would you like a drink?’ ‘No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,’said the confused nun.

‘You see,’ laughed the bartender, ‘every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A nun walking home, badly needed to use to the bathroom, but nothing was open except the local Hooters, so she walked in.

The place was packed and it was hopping with music and loud conversations and every once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’ Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when they saw the nun, the room went silent, so silent that you could hear a pin drop. The nun walked up to the bartender, and asked, ‘Sir, may I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, ‘Sure thing, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,’ said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, ‘Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?’

Well, now everyone knows you’re one of us,’ said the bartender, ‘Would you like a drink?’ ‘No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,’said the confused nun.

‘You see,’ laughed the bartender, ‘every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?

[CVT]

^ ^ ^ That's cool!

I remember a bar and grill restaurant abroad, where one of the urinals in the men's room is typically left vacant for some reason... Makes a newcomer who is answering the call of nature wonder, but nevertheless grabs the opportunity... tipsy tipsy tipsy....

Because everyone would have a front view of you urinating in all your splendor.... :hysterical:

And when you exit the toilet,- the crowd would be cheering for your "live performance"....

Take a bow!....


"The measure of a man is what he does with power" LJIOHF!

25.8K:shazam:

[Erick Chavez]

[kimbon]

kapag mabilis tumakbo ang pogi ay nag jojoging lang daw pero kapag pangit naman snatcher!!! asan ang katarungan dyan...

[Monseratto]

When John and Mary first got married John said, “I am a *** addict and I’m putting a box under the bed to help control my addiction. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 30 years of marriage Mary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents.

That evening they were out for a special Anniversary dinner. After dinner Mary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”

John thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”

Mary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However since you are addicted to ***, I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.”

John thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.

A little while later Mary asked John, so why do you have all that money in the box?

John answered; “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash”

[robgowild]

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[Monseratto]

Having a bad day?

[Monseratto]

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[99moves]

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."

The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she replied.

"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"

[Erick Chavez]

[Monseratto]

[machine.pistol]

Politically Incorrect but......

A passenger plane has engine failure and its altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.

The pilot speaks over the intercom ...."I'm sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne. Baggage is thrown out but still the plane continues to lose altitude.

Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter 'A'". "Africans? Are there any Africans on board?"

No answer so the pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on board?"

Again silence. " Colored people? Are there any colored people on board?" Still silence.

A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turns to his mother and says, "Mum, ain't we African? Ain't we black? Ain't we colored?"

She replies, "Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the M_sl_ms first. If that don’t work we is Zulu’s......"

[machine.pistol]

Politically Incorrect but......

A passenger plane has engine failure and its altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.

The pilot speaks over the intercom ...."I'm sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne. Baggage is thrown out but still the plane continues to lose altitude.

Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter 'A'". "Africans? Are there any Africans on board?"

No answer so the pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on board?"

Again silence. " Colored people? Are there any colored people on board?" Still silence.

A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turns to his mother and says, "Mum, ain't we African? Ain't we black? Ain't we colored?"

She replies, "Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the Muslims first. If that don’t work we is Zulu’s......"

[Monseratto]

A mechanical engineer who was unemployed for 5 years decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $400; we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail.”

Doctor Ed walks by the sign and thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

The doctor says ” Sir, I have lost my sense of taste.”

Engineer replies “Nurse, can you please bring the medicine from box 19 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

The doctor immediately screams “WHAT THE?!? This is Gasoline!”

Engineer responds “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $400.”

The doctor gets very annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor this time tells the engineer “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer again says “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 19 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

The doctor “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer smiles and says “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $400.”

The doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.

This time the doctor said “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer replied “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000,” passing the doctor a $500 bill.

Doctor: “But this is $500…”

Engineer said “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $400.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A mechanical engineer who was unemployed for 5 years decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $400; we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail.”

Doctor Ed walks by the sign and thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

The doctor says ” Sir, I have lost my sense of taste.”

Engineer replies “Nurse, can you please bring the medicine from box 19 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

The doctor immediately screams “WHAT THE?!? This is Gasoline!”

Engineer responds “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $400.”

The doctor gets very annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor this time tells the engineer “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer again says “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 19 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

The doctor “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer smiles and says “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $400.”

The doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.

This time the doctor said “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer replied “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000,” passing the doctor a $500 bill.

Doctor: “But this is $500…”

Engineer said “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $400.”

[xwangbu]

natawa ako ng may nasundan akong bus sa edsa na nakapost ito sa likod:

[IMG] http://allstarcms.tv5.com.ph/Upload/...PJ-875x480.jpg [/IMG]