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March 4th, 2015 03:01 PM #3314A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."
The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she replied.
"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"
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March 6th, 2015 07:04 PM #3317Politically Incorrect but......
A passenger plane has engine failure and its altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.
The pilot speaks over the intercom ...."I'm sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne. Baggage is thrown out but still the plane continues to lose altitude.
Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter 'A'". "Africans? Are there any Africans on board?"
No answer so the pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on board?"
Again silence. " Colored people? Are there any colored people on board?" Still silence.
A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turns to his mother and says, "Mum, ain't we African? Ain't we black? Ain't we colored?"
She replies, "Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the M_sl_ms first. If that don’t work we is Zulu’s......"
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March 6th, 2015 07:06 PM #3318Politically Incorrect but......
A passenger plane has engine failure and its altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.
The pilot speaks over the intercom ...."I'm sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne. Baggage is thrown out but still the plane continues to lose altitude.
Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter 'A'". "Africans? Are there any Africans on board?"
No answer so the pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on board?"
Again silence. " Colored people? Are there any colored people on board?" Still silence.
A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turns to his mother and says, "Mum, ain't we African? Ain't we black? Ain't we colored?"
She replies, "Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the Muslims first. If that don’t work we is Zulu’s......"
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Social Dementia
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March 7th, 2015 12:12 PM #3319A mechanical engineer who was unemployed for 5 years decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $400; we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail.”
Doctor Ed walks by the sign and thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
The doctor says ” Sir, I have lost my sense of taste.”
Engineer replies “Nurse, can you please bring the medicine from box 19 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
The doctor immediately screams “WHAT THE?!? This is Gasoline!”
Engineer responds “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $400.”
The doctor gets very annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor this time tells the engineer “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Engineer again says “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 19 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
The doctor “But that is Gasoline!”
Engineer smiles and says “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $400.”
The doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.
This time the doctor said “My eyesight has become weak.”
Engineer replied “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000,” passing the doctor a $500 bill.
Doctor: “But this is $500…”
Engineer said “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $400.”
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A mechanical engineer who was unemployed for 5 years decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $400; we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail.”
Doctor Ed walks by the sign and thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
The doctor says ” Sir, I have lost my sense of taste.”
Engineer replies “Nurse, can you please bring the medicine from box 19 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
The doctor immediately screams “WHAT THE?!? This is Gasoline!”
Engineer responds “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $400.”
The doctor gets very annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor this time tells the engineer “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Engineer again says “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 19 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
The doctor “But that is Gasoline!”
Engineer smiles and says “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $400.”
The doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.
This time the doctor said “My eyesight has become weak.”
Engineer replied “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000,” passing the doctor a $500 bill.
Doctor: “But this is $500…”
Engineer said “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $400.”
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March 9th, 2015 09:15 PM #3320natawa ako ng may nasundan akong bus sa edsa na nakapost ito sa likod:
[IMG] http://allstarcms.tv5.com.ph/Upload/...PJ-875x480.jpg [/IMG]
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