Joke Time!

[Retz]

[Retz]

[Pawo1]

[Monseratto]

[Gumusut_Amige]

hindi ko alam kung na-post na dito ang mga ito, nakita ko lang kanina habang naglilinis ako ng aking personal email

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The Old Nun

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them.

She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "And do you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other very confused. One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steel workers yelled down “Why?

The worker yelled back, "Cos his wife's here with his lunch.
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Burial in Jerusalem
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5000.
The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, "Why would you spend $5000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150?"
the husband replied, "Long ago, I heard that a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance!
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Party Crashers

The host at a party was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.
She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....
He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the bride’s side of the family stand up please?" About twenty people stood.
Then he asked "Will those who are from the groom’s side of the family stand up as well?" About twenty-five people stood up.
Then he smiled and said, "Will all those who stood please leave…this is a birthday party!"
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40 years of marriage...

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant..Â

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table..
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' Â
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband. Â Â
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. Â Â
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me. Â
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. Â So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. Â
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female......Â
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Computers

 If ever you have problems with your pc it is probably an ID ten T problem, read on....
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door (whose bedroom looks like Mission Control), and asked him to come over.Â
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? Â
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned. Â 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''
No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'Â
So I wrote it down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like the little ****..
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Cannibal Story

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
Sun Grilled Tourist: £5.00
Broiled Missionary: £7.00
Fried Explorer with garlic: £9.00
Freshly Baked: Politicians £150.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a huge price difference for the Politicians?'
The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? Â They're so full of ****, it takes all morning!'

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Buy the right pet

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said Rs 50/.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided  she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,"New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, Â "New house, new madam, wow. . new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation  considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
====AND THE FIGHT BEGAN----\

[Retz]

[Gumusut_Amige]

another one.

Believe it or not...Men are Everywhere!

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:


Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?


MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.

[Gumusut_Amige]

double post

[Gumusut_Amige]

and another one.

Once upon a time in China, there lived a happy couple,
Mr. & Mrs.Chan with their 3 lovely daughters: Elaine, Ena & Ella.

The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way
and when they reached 20, they were still virgins.

Years passed, and it was time to get them married.
So, the parents found them the most suitable 'leng chais'
(handsome guys). They got married and were preparing
to set-off on their honeymoon.

As 'concerned' parents, Mr.& Mrs. Chan were curious
about their daughters' first-night experience.

So, before the daughters went on their respective
honeymoons, Mrs. Chan told them,
'Your father & I want to know about your 1st night
encounters and whether you are satisfied. Write a letter
to us, but so as not to raise your husbands' curiosity...
you all must use a code to describe your experiences. '

So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed.
Mr. & Mrs. Chan got the first letter. It was from Elaine.

They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED.

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q

They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the
Standard Chartered advertisement. 'Ah! Here it is!!!!' ...
exclaimed Mr. Chan. The motto for Standard Chartered was:
'BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY.'
Mr. & Mrs. Chan were happy.

>>

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena.
The content was simple.
'NESCAFE'. So again they took the newspaper and
looked for the Nescafe ad. 'Ah! here it is.....

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q

'NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP.'
Mr. and Mrs. Chan jumped for joy.
>>
Another week passed. A month passed. 2 months passed.
There was still no letter from Ella. The Chans became worried.

Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly
be read, but Mrs. Chan managed to figure it out.
The code was 'PHILIPPINE AIRLINES'.

http://www.onetraveloffers.com/image...e_Airlines.jpg


Mr.Chan, confused on why she chose Philippine Airlines,
rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper.
He flipped the pages frantically. ....... 'Ah! Here it is!!!'
Mrs.Chan grabbed the page and read aloud.

Before she could finish...THUMP! !!...she fell off her chair....

The Airline's motto was...
'7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP....

[chua_riwap]

^ ihi lang pahinga ni daughter sa PAL.
nice one GA.

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