Joke Time!

[gertrude]

Warning R-18! : Boy Bastos Jokes

Bago pa man mabuo si Boy...

Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na tayong lumabas!
Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! ***!***! ***!

Sumunod na oras....

Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! TONSIL! TONSIL!

At sa sumunod pa...

Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD! *splat!*
ay...condom...!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sa kabutihang palad ay nabuo rin si Boy. at di nagtagal...

Nanay: honey!!! oras na! manganganak na ako!!!
Tatay: talaga honey? o teka lang! wag kang gagalaw!

(Biglang naghubad si Tatay at ipinasok nya ang kanyang batutoy sa batutay ni Nanay!)

Nanay: honey! anong ginagawa mo???
Tatay: basta! akong bahala! ANAK! KUMAPIT KA! KUMAPIT KA!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hindi umepekto ang "delivering the baby" style ni Tatay, so dinala si Nanay sa ospital...

Doc: ayan ho Mrs., nakalabas na ang ulo ng anak nyo!
nabigla si doc nang...

Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
Doc: hindi! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! nurse halika dito dali!
nang dumating ang lalaking nurse...
Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
Nurse: naku! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! teka tatawagin ko sya!
nang dumating si Tatay...
Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
Tatay: oo anak! ako nga!
Boy Bastos: (sinundot-sundot and noo ng Tatay) masarap ba yan ha? masarap?!

[gertrude]

eto pa isang boy bastos joke...

Isang araw, magkasabay na naliligo si Boy Bastos at ang tatay nya,

Boy: Tay, ano yan? (sabay turo sa batutoy ng tatay)

Tatay: Ah ito ba anak? Ang tawag dito ay kotse...

Boy: Meron din po bang ganyan si nanay?

Tatay: Wala syang ganito, meron sya ang tawag naman ay "garahe".

Boy: Ah...

Kinagabihan, nahuli ni Boy Bastos ang tatay at nanay na nagse-***. Biglang sigaw ni Boy habang pumapalakpak;

Boy: SIGE PA TAY! SIGE PA! PASOK NYO PA! NAKALABAS PA PO YUNG DALAWANG GULONG NG "KOTSE" NYO SA LIKOD!

[vito corleone]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard !

'That must've been scary', said the teacher.

'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...And before he could say '****', the Rottweiler ate him!'

[navigator2377]

2 men were searching for their lost wife in a festival.

First Man: How does your wife look like?

Second man : She is 5'7", 36-24-36 ***y figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green ***y eyes, brown hair, seductive lips... And yours?

First man: Forget mine, let us look for yours...

---------------------------------
Me : I can help looking..

[Hanren]

Telephone Call
(((RING))))
**Pick Up**
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul "
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."

"Oh yes I do. He's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do:Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and
he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess
he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit
the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause**
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??"... Is this 486 -5731??

[Hanren]

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.


"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."


"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.


Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide
open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.


The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a darned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning." What part of broke do you not understand?

[dcph172]

i love this thread! lets keep it alive :D up! haha

[Hanren]

Suggestions For Women To Respond To Pickup Lines

"Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

He: So what do you do for a living?
She: Female impersonator.

"Is this seat empty?"
"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

"So, wanna go back to my place?"
"Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

"I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
"It's in the phone book."
"But I don't know your name."
"That's in the phone book too."

"What sign were you born under?"
"No Parking."

"I know how to please a woman."
"Then please leave me alone."

"Haven't we met before?"
"Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

"I want to give myself to you."
"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

"I can tell that you want me."
"Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you... to leave."

"Hey, baby, What's your sign?"
"Stop."

"Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

"May I see you pretty soon?"
"Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

"Your body is like a temple."
"Sorry, there are no services today."

"I'd go through anything for you."
"Good! Let's start with your bank account."

"I would go to the end of the world for you."
"Yes, but would you stay there?"


"Your place or mine?"
"Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

After hearing a pickup line:
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

If you are looking at a girl and she says "What are you looking at?"
say "I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken."

He: Would you like to dance?
She: Not with you.
He: Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did.

He: Do you wanna dance?
She: Yeah but not with you!
He: You must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants!

Q: Does beauty run in your family?
A: It obviously doesn't in yours!

Q: What's your name ***y?
A: Taken!

Q: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?
A: Yeah, but this time don't stop!

Q: I think you're the best looking girl in here.
A: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

He: Your legs go clear up to your a**.
She: Most peoples' do!

Q: Can I buy you a drink?
A: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

"You look like a dream."
Response: "Go back to sleep."

He: What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
She: What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

"I can see forever in your eyes."
Response: "But all I can see is never in yours."

"I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included."
Response: "Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk."

[boybi]

Interview ni Boy Abunda ke Liz Uy:

Boy: Bakit mo binasted si PNoy?

Liz: Hindi ko nakayanan yung transition from John Lloyd to Mongolloyd.

[Hanren]

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up