Live alone or live with parents?

[LEB]

The situation is like this. My friend works in the family business and live with his parents but the thing is he feels he cannot mature as a man when he still is with his parents. That is the reason why he is contemplating on living alone. However living with his parents has a lot of pros money-wise. They pay for his gas, living expenses are free, trips abroad, eat at fancy restaurants, nice car, good name
and stature. If he decided to leave and try his luck alone, he would be deprived of all these but he would have the freedom however there is always that guilt feelings that he has left his parents behind and his parents is very vocal in telling him this. Now he is torn. Should he follow the dictates of his heart that is to be free live alone and have that satisfying feeling or should he follow what his mind is telling him that is to still live with his parents and enjoy those economic and social perks but at the expense of his manhood?

[badkuk]

i'm lucky enough to have parents/relatives who respect a married person's privacy/authority...so imho ok lang, kahit single or married ka. what's important to me is that one should carry his/her own weight, and not depend on your parents to wash your clothes, take care of your kids, or get allowance from. i mean, they're not exactly young you know, time will come na di na nila kakayanin yan ang will have to retire.

ok lang naman if your parents help out with the chores at sa mga gastuhin. pero wag naman ung puro sila na lang.

[laklak]

i think its alright to live with your parents for as long as you give something or "chip in" with the household expenses. Parang you would be hitting two birds with one stone, you could save money on rent, and still help out your parents. The only time i would contemplate on living alone is when I am able to afford owning my own place, I dont see myself renting a place just to be able to say that I indeed am living alone.

[BLINGBLING]

my piece:

LEB, given the situation u described in ur 2nd post, eventually he must do what he thinks will give him the most peace of mind. evaluating the given situation, i think the pros of keeping it together outnumber the cons.

imo, living with one's parents won't deter a man's maturity for the simple reason that maturity is a state of mind regardless of the number/kinds of environment that one has experienced. yes he will be deprived of the experience of living alone but that deprivation is only temporary. why don't he treat it as an opportunity to be with his parents for as long as he could. if he's already married, maybe things will be weighed differently.

unless the family share a single room during bedtime, what privacy will be compromised?if one's up to something very very naughty, there are lots of convenient places out there!!may view pa!!

[OTEP]

he feels he cannot mature as a man when he still is with his parents

It's an ego problem. I doubt if living alone will solve this. The problem is not with his place of residence but it is within him. No one can resolve these personal issues except himself.

If he really wants, he could try a halfway solution. My cousin has two condos already yet umuuwi pa din siya sa kanila 2-3x/wk. The units are investments sa part niya and at least may nauuwian near work or kung ginabi sa gimik, etc.

[oldblue]

libre kuryente, telepono, linis ng tsikot daily, taga-linis ng banyo, home meal, labandera, mineral water, coding car

san ka pa? hahaha

[Jun aka Pekto]

It's an ego problem. I doubt if living alone will solve this. The problem is not with his place of residence but it is within him. No one can resolve these personal issues except himself.

That would make sense if his parents don't have an undue influence on him living with them. But were talking Pinoy parents here. You know they will exert their influence on him.

Hopefully his parents wouldn't be like mine....rather wouldn't be like my mom. She's the "donya" type so much stereotyped in Pinoy tearfests. If I stayed with my mom at her house, I'd be subject to her rules, her whims. Granted, I'd be very well off financially. But, I'd never be able to make a decision on my own. For myself, I value my individuality as a person far more than money. If he's fine with that, then he should stay with his folks.

[chua_riwap]

LEB, friend mo ba, or ikaw yan? He-he!

Libre lahat? Wow, sarap buhay. Wala pa naman asawa, di sa parents muna. Share na lang sa gastos, kahit na sinasagot ng magulang yung mga expenses.

[Alpha_One]

That would make sense if his parents don't have an undue influence on him living with them. But were talking Pinoy parents here. You know they will exert their influence on him.

I remember as a kid that I told my mom that when I grow up, I'll get rich and take care of them in return. I mean, I thought it was the ideal - the "be successful and take care of your parents and grandparents and the rest" is THE ambition of many Filipino youths. She then told me not to... I have the right to live my own life. I then asked her, why not, and what if I want to. She replied about that being my choice, if I want to reciprocate, if I wanted to "return the favor". She insisted that nobody's obliging me to do so.

My mom (and most of my family, for that matter) is individualist at heart. While we do have the stereotypical Pinoy middle-class compound setup, what occurs in our household has absolutely no effect on the affairs at grandma's next door (and vice versa). Individualism is generally thought to be a Western value, and that's one trait of Western society I hold in high regard.

I know, Filipinos are proud of their family ties, but I percieve the "traditional" Filipino family to be way too collectivist. Families are physically close together for the sake of being physically close together. Reciprocity is obliged, out of a false sense of "utang na loob". Members wanting to leave are shamed threatened of being cut off... why?!

I have to thank my mom for that moment of wisdom, kasi nga naman, raising kids is a fact of family life. It's not a matter of "extending favors" to the children that are to be paid later in life. That false sense of "utang na loob"... why make the children feel guilty because the parents raised them - that's the parents' job! Ika nga ng kapatid ko, like duh!

My family lives physically close to each other because we enjoy each other's company - and not for the sake of it because "it's expected in our society". The family that laughs together stays together. My parents and I treat each other so casually that our friends often remark we talk like best friends. But once they exert their authority, we treat them with respect (I'm still dependent, so I should be in their authority). Not many things make me as proud.

[Jun aka Pekto]

The situation is like this. My friend works in the family business and live with his parents but the thing is he feels he cannot mature as a man when he still is with his parents. That is the reason why he is contemplating on living alone. However living with his parents has a lot of pros money-wise. They pay for his gas, living expenses are free, trips abroad, eat at fancy restaurants, nice car, good name
and stature. [SIZE=3]If he decided to leave and try his luck alone, he would be deprived of all these[/SIZE] but he would have the freedom however there is always that guilt feelings that he has left his parents behind and his parents is very vocal in telling him this. Now he is torn. Should he follow the dictates of his heart that is to be free live alone and have that satisfying feeling or should he follow what his mind is telling him that is to still live with his parents and enjoy those economic and social perks but at the expense of his manhood?

Why would that be? He can still mooch off his parents and make them pay for his expenses even if he's not living under the same roof.

But, it's all a matter of pride. I had the urge to live my own life as soon as I hit 20. Once I left, I never looked back. It was hard. But, I've gotten this far without any further help from my folks. So, I'm satisfied where I'm at.