Joke Time!

[joemarski]

anong case yung na-ifile? kasalanan talaga maging pangit

Kawawa naman 'yung mga bata paglaki nila.
Imagine sasabihan sila ng mga friends nila:
Bakit ang gaganda ng mga mga parents mo, samantalang ikaw... fanget?!?

[Retz]

Makeup lang katapat nyan sir. Kaya maganda sa babae eh ung nakikita mo siya ung bagong gising sa umaga dun mo makikita natural na beauty nya.

[OLDisCOOL]

[Retz]

^

Exagge naman yan sir.

[jick.cejoco]

Makeup lang katapat nyan sir. Kaya maganda sa babae eh ung nakikita mo siya ung bagong gising sa umaga dun mo makikita natural na beauty nya.

that's why the lights at the clubs are red. that's why you have to have dimmer light switches and a six pack of beer

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aa19-T43Jw]Love ten feet away - Kolea - YouTube[/ame]

[stickers]

Teacher : Who invented the light Bulb ?

Johnny : I don't know Miss

Teacher : You need to focus more on your studies.

Johnny : Please Miss, can I ask a question ?

Teacher : Yes.

Johnny : Do you know Angela ?

Teacher : No, why ?

Johnny : You need to focus more on your husband!!

[stickers]

^

Exagge naman yan sir.

di marunong gumamit ng kaliwa.

[jick.cejoco]

jesus and the apostles were on a mission to preach. jesus instructed each of the disciples to carry two pieces or rocks that day. judas brought two pebbles instead while everybody else brought avocaco sized rocks. at dusk, judas asks jesus " jesus, what are we going to do with the two rock we were carrying the whole day. jesus "judas it is late and we are hungry, those rocks will turn into bread and that is what you will have for dinner". judas was pissed, he only had two little pebble sized bread. the following day, jesus again instructed all the disciples to bring two rocks. judas, this time having learned his lesson, brought two rocks the size of watermelons the whole day. anxious at the end of the day, judas asks "jesus, are you going to turn these rocks into bread, i am hungry". jesus replied " judas, this town has a lot of food, don't worry about dinner". then judas asks, "so, my jesus, what are we going to do with these rocks"? jesus answers him " judas and all of you disciples, cast the rocks as far as you can and wherever the rocks land, will be your property". since judas had melon sized rocks, he only could throw it near and thus got a small piece of land. on the following day, jesus again instructs them to bring two pieces of rocks. as always, judas was the smart alec and always took advantage of any situation, brought two different sized rocks, one the size of an egg ( for throwing far to get a bigger piece of property) and one the size of a melon ( for a bigger loaf of bread). towards the end of the day, judas asks jesus " jesus, are we to cast the rocks to get another property and to have dinner"? jesus smiled and said " judas, this place has a lot of food prepared by the villagers and about the property, you already have one to erect your house". judas, not so happy carrying the two rocks all day asks "so, jesus, what are you going to do with these rocks then we've been carrying all day"? jesus, smiled with a very large grin "judas, you already have property, there's a lot of food, those two rocks you have been carrying will become your testicles"? judas was even more pissed, he had one testicle the size of an egg and one testicle the size of a melon

[rollyic]

jesus and the apostles were on a mission to preach. jesus instructed each of the disciples to carry two pieces or rocks that day. judas brought two pebbles instead while everybody else brought avocaco sized rocks. at dusk, judas asks jesus " jesus, what are we going to do with the two rock we were carrying the whole day. jesus "judas it is late and we are hungry, those rocks will turn into bread and that is what you will have for dinner". judas was pissed, he only had two little pebble sized bread. the following day, jesus again instructed all the disciples to bring two rocks. judas, this time having learned his lesson, brought two rocks the size of watermelons the whole day. anxious at the end of the day, judas asks "jesus, are you going to turn these rocks into bread, i am hungry". jesus replied " judas, this town has a lot of food, don't worry about dinner". then judas asks, "so, my jesus, what are we going to do with these rocks"? jesus answers him " judas and all of you disciples, cast the rocks as far as you can and wherever the rocks land, will be your property". since judas had melon sized rocks, he only could throw it near and thus got a small piece of land. on the following day, jesus again instructs them to bring two pieces of rocks. as always, judas was the smart alec and always took advantage of any situation, brought two different sized rocks, one the size of an egg ( for throwing far to get a bigger piece of property) and one the size of a melon ( for a bigger loaf of bread). towards the end of the day, judas asks jesus " jesus, are we to cast the rocks to get another property and to have dinner"? jesus smiled and said " judas, this place has a lot of food prepared by the villagers and about the property, you already have one to erect your house". judas, not so happy carrying the two rocks all day asks "so, jesus, what are you going to do with these rocks then we've been carrying all day"? jesus, smiled with a very large grin "judas, you already have property, there's a lot of food, those two rocks you have been carrying will become your testicles"? judas was even more pissed, he had one testicle the size of an egg and one testicle the size of a melon

aha! si judas pala ang may kasalanan kung bakit may luslos! :D

[stickers]

Mag-asawa kakataposl lang kumain.

MISIS: dear, pagkatapos mo kumain hugasan mo naman ang mga plato ha

MISTER: alam mo dear ang paghuhugas ng plato ay gawain ng mga babae at hindi ng mga lalake. Kaya nga diba Joy ang pangalan ng dishwashing liquid diba?

MISIS: ah ganun ba? sige bukas maglalaba ka... bumili kasi ako ng sabon at Mr. Clean ang pangalan.

[jick.cejoco]

bakla 1 to another: "man it;s raining again and we can't play outside"
bakla 2 said:"okay,i know exactly what to do, let's play stick it up my butt and i'll guess what that object is".
bakla 1 says: "okay; like it sounds like fun. if ever"
bakla 2: wish ko lang magugustuhan mo ang game na ito
bakla 1:okay mauna ka.
bakla 2 went to the fridge and took a cold grape and stuck it to bakla 1's butthole
bakla 1; it's cold, round, the size of a grape, it must be a grape
bakla 2, like,it's right, tama ka
bakla 1: my turn,
bakla 1 went to the fridge and took a banana, peeled it and stuck it into baklaa 2's butthole
bakla 2: it.s bent, it's cold, it's shaped like a titi, i know what it is, a banana
bakla 1: it's like you're right,it is a banana
bakla 2: it's my turn,
bakla went to the bathroom and took something with a long handle and a rubber cup at the end
what's that thing called again?

[_Cathy_]

:rofl:

I remember my ex told me na tabloids come up with really funny headlines

[Retz]

^

Ganyan talaga mga headlines ng tabloid natin ngayon. Nabasa mo na ung bwelta ni jed salang sa headlines?

[Monseratto]

Words to live by...

[_Cathy_]

^

Ganyan talaga mga headlines ng tabloid natin ngayon. Nabasa mo na ung bwelta ni jed salang sa headlines?

Ayan ka na naman sa pangbibitin mo Ano bwelta?

[joemarski]

bakla 1 to another: "man it;s raining again and we can't play outside"
bakla 2 said:"okay,i know exactly what to do, let's play stick it up my butt and i'll guess what that object is".
bakla 1 says: "okay; like it sounds like fun. if ever"
bakla 2: wish ko lang magugustuhan mo ang game na ito
bakla 1:okay mauna ka.
bakla 2 went to the fridge and took a cold grape and stuck it to bakla 1's butthole
bakla 1; it's cold, round, the size of a grape, it must be a grape
bakla 2, like,it's right, tama ka
bakla 1: my turn,
bakla 1 went to the fridge and took a banana, peeled it and stuck it into baklaa 2's butthole
bakla 2: it.s bent, it's cold, it's shaped like a titi, i know what it is, a banana
bakla 1: it's like you're right,it is a banana
bakla 2: it's my turn,
bakla went to the bathroom and took something with a long handle and a rubber cup at the end
what's that thing called again?

Yun yata ang ginagamit ng mga bakla para pang- higop ng buto ng santol. :bwahaha:

[Retz]

[jick.cejoco]

aling juaning (a little bit loud, typical of an elderly woman losing the sense of hearing) "marta, ano ba yang dala mo, bote?"

aling marta: "hindi mare, bote ito"

aling juaning: "oh, akala ko bote"

[Retz]

Ayan ka na naman sa pangbibitin mo Ano bwelta?

ma kwan daw si ai-ai.

[Retz]