When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

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A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

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ANG SULAT
Patient: Dok, malungkot dito sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...

Doc: E ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?

Patient: Di ko pa po alam kasi next week ko pa ata matatangap...

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PROMOTION

Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang humaharap sa korte ko ah!

Swindler: Your Honor, di ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote.

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Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”