University Insults!!

[mazdamazda]

amp! tirahan na ito!!!

Favorite Looney Tunes Character
UP: Bugs Bunny
Ateneo: Daffy Duck
La Salle: Elmer Fudd
AMA: Marvin.... and Jolina

Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.

Bracelet ng mga estudyante:
La Salle: Philip Cartier
Benilde: Tennis bracelet
CRC: Tiffany
UST: Silver works
UE: friendship bracelet
AMA: rubber band
FEU: tattoo

[m2's kumander]

sir bunge daming baon na jokes ah. eto nahalukay ko tuloy yun email 'bout colleges and universities
---------
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious in knowing what particular schools attended the big celebration. So he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess who he found and where he found them...

Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a mic chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eves-dropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were at the bedroom with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans, like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line to the bathroom
MCU - they cleaned the bathroom and are now mopping the sala floor
UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual before a frat war
Trinity – they were curing the injured frat applicants from the hazing
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Benilde - they were giving orders and tips to the CEU students
St. Louis - they were in front of the air condition
UE - they don't know how to operate the air condition
San Sebastian - how the hell did they pass the security?
Letran - the security
UST - Oh my G. they were everywhere!
FEU - they were nowhere to be found
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
MLQU - sob! they were not invited
Mindanao State - they were out of place
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
UP Manila - they were into semi-prohibitted drugs
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRU - they were the ones buying
CCP - they were at the backyard drinking ginebra
PUP - they didn’t have enough money for fare to attend
Siliman - nobody understands them
PLM - they were already eating the unserved food
Adamson - went to SM and Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were with the Adamsonians
STI - they went to the neighboring computer shop & played online games
TUP - they were playing against the STI students
AMA - they were spreading viruses to these computers & to nearby cellphones
Informatics - they were inviting new call center agents
CRC/UA&P - says "what in santa claus' name is this party for?"
PSBA - says "What the heck is CRC or UA&P?"
NCBA - says "What the hell is PSBA?"
APC - after 5 hours of party says "Are we late?"
FEATI - from the bedrooms & sala sofas yells "P*nyeta! Kung ayaw niyong matulog, magpatulog kayo!"
Fatima - shouts "Mabuhay ang mga taga-Fatima!!!"


have fun....

[Syuryuken]

DLSU - Di Lusot Sa UP

PSBA - Philippine School Beside Ateneo

FEATI - Filipino Estudyante Aral Tabing Ilog

PLM - Pamantasan sa Likod ng Mapua

PMI - Pamantasan Malapit sa Ilog

[Syuryuken]

Ateneo-elite
Ama-cheap

Ateneo-brilliant
Ama-dumb

Ateneo-blue
Ama-light Blue

[bajumbo]

God Made Lasallites (too rich)


then UP students (too brainy)


He combined them both to make Ateneans (too airy)


Perfection was when He combined Ateneo and UP

A breed of brainy , slightly rich, competitive yet humble individuals were born


God named them after a saint



He called them



"Thomasians"

[CtrlAltDel]

I didn't know who started this jokes in the emails but it seems pinagtutulngan nila yung LaSallites, hehehe. I post this with apologies to the LaSallites. Just for fun lang naman eh.

HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE

A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says: "Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at him and asks: "Sir, are you a La Sallite, by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I ordered BLUE cheese, would you
ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP?
I think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN PARROT, do you ask me if I'm from La Salle?"
"Sir, kasi naman ..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop, eh."

A TYPICAL CONVERSATION

Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a typical La Sallite conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I will give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!

BARKADA SA HUNTING

Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP student, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.
The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer.
The others ask him how he did it, and he coolly replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang!
I got the deer!
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang!
I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.
Therefore, the La Sallite decides to try it himself. However, the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his
two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask.
"Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."

A MURDER MYSTERY

To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic. Who committed the murder?
Suspects:
The Humble Atenean
The Bright La Sallite
The Innocent Maryknoller
The Unaffected Assumptionista
The UP Graduate

Culprit:

The UP Graduate

Logic:

There is no such thing as a Humble Atenean, a Bright La Sallite, an Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.

SUICIDAL SANDWICH

There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student (so you know this story is fictional.)
Anyway, these three friends met for lunch everyday and ate their sandwiches.

UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah. Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na naman
ang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na ako!
Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I'm sick of this already. If I get another roast beef sandwich tomorrow,
I'm gonna shoot myself!
La Salle : Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I am so sawa with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon
tomorrow is ham sandwich again, I'm gonna drive my CRV over the cliff!

The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same sandwiches again. The UP student went back to
his dorm, pulled out a belt,and choked himself to death. The Atenean went home, got a gun, and shot himself in the head.
The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.

At their funerals, their mothers were interviewed:

UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko
sa kanya.
Ateneo: If he had told me that he didn't want roast beef anymore, I wouldn't have given him roast beef.
La Salle : Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich!

[nicolodeon]

:bwahaha: brings back memories of yore when I was still a university student. - asaran umaatikabo pag UAAP season na.

Pero folks, go easy a bit - baka may mga members tayo na ma-offend kase they are true to their school, eka nga ng The Beach Boys.

[Syuryuken]

Where do you go for College???

If you want to be a doctor, then UST

If you want to be a lawyer, then UP

If you want to be an Engineer and got lot of money, then La Salle.

If you have some money and some brains, then Ateneo

If you want to be a Jologs, UE or FEU

[Syuryuken]

Rankings according to Course offerings.

LAW
1-UP
2-San Beda
3-Ateneo

Engnr
1-La Salle and UP
2-Mapua
3-UST

Med Courses
1-UST
2-UP
3-UP-M

Accounting
1-La Salle
2-UP
3-UST

Business
1-UP or La Salle
2-UAnp
3-Ateneo

Arts
1-UP
2-UST
3-Ateneo

Economics
1-UP
2-La Salle
3-UST

Computer Studies and Techn
1-La Salle
2-Mapua
3-UP
4-AMA-(UY........ NAKASALI...)

Education Courses
1-La Salle na-mag teteacher ka lang, sa La Salle ka pa.
2-UP
3-UST
4-AMA-Pinky AMAdor

[Syuryuken]

Nagpapasikatan ang mga estudayante ng La Salle, UP at
Ateneo.

La Salle: Mas sikat ang eskwelahan namin dahil may nga
estudyante kami na naging artista, abugado, justice at mga sikat na director.

UP: Mas sikat ang eskwelahan namin dahil may nga estudayante kami na naging mayor, senador, ambassador
at mga matataas na pulitico.

Ateneo: Luma ang eskwelahan ninyo sa amin. Ang eskwelahan namin eh meron, Presidente ng Pilipinas,
PINAKA BOBO PA SA AMIN IYON, Haah!.(Joseph Estrada).

[Syuryuken]

Reaksiyon pag nakakakita ng ***y

ATENEO - Wow! She's so gorgeous!

UA&P - Let's date tonight!

UP - Ganda nya paaaare!

ADAMSON - Shet! Chicks!

AMA - Hoy! Mas maganda pa si Jolina! Beeeeeeeeeeh!

[Syuryuken]

Vitamins

UA&P- pharmaton
Ateneo- rogin-e
La Salle- centrum
UST- clusivol
AMA- star rice

[Syuryuken]

Deodorant

Ateneo- secret
La salle- sure
UST- rexona
UP- babes
NU- splash deowhitener
PUP- tawas
AMA- dinidikdik na stork, sing lamig pero di sing mahal

[Syuryuken]

DLSU and ADMU Final Exams
Have you ever wondered how you would have fared as either a LaSallite or an Atenean?
Here's your chance to find out! Take either the La Salle Final Exams or the Ateneo Final Exams.
Or take both and find out what makes each one tick.
ATENEO de MANILA UNIVERSITY FINAL EXAMINATIONS

Instructions:
Read each question carefully.
Answer all questions.
Time Limit: 4 hours.
Begin immediately.

1. HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

2. MEDICINE
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of
gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not
suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15
minutes.

3. PUBLIC SPEAKING
Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the
classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language
except Latin or Greek.

4. BIOLOGY
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this form of life had developed 500 million
years earlier, with special attention to its probable
effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your
thesis.

5. MUSIC
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with
flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

6. PSYCHOLOGY
Based on you degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate
the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and
repressed frustrations of each of the following:

Alexander of Aphrodisias
Rameses II
Gregory of Nicea
Hammurabi.

Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's
work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to
translate.

7. SOCIOLOGY
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany
the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your
theory.

8. MANAGEMENT SCIENCE
Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why?
Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial
decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals,
each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the
communications interface and all necessary control programs.

9. ENGINEERING
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an
instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a
hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take
whatever action you feel is apropriate. Be prepared to
justify your decisions.

10. ECONOMICS
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.
Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following
areas:

Cubism
Donatist Controversy
Wave Theory of Light

Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize
this method from all possible points of view. Point out the
deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in you
answer to the last question.

11. POLITICAL SCIENCE
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start
World War III. Report at length on its socio-political
effects; if any.

12. EPISTEMOLOGY
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of
your position.

13. PHYSICS
Explain the nature of matter. Include in you answer an
evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics
on science.

14. PHILOSOPHY
Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any kind of
thought.

15. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

***EXTRA CREDIT***
Define the universe; give three examples.


DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY FINAL EXAMS (Take Home)

Time Limit: 3 Weeks

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire
with particular reference to architecture, literature, law
and social conditions or give the first name of Pierre
Trudeau?

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
a. Build a bridge
b. Sail the ocean
c. lead an army or
d. WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope?
a. Jewish
b. Catholic
c. Hindu
d. Polish
e. Agnostic
(check only one)

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the
little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
a. Westerners
b. Northerners
c. Southerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter, and Clinton
BUSH: _ _ _ _
CARTER: _ _ _ _ _ _
CLINTON: _ _ _ _ _ _ _

10. Six kings of England have been called George, last one
being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Were does rain come from?
a. Macy's
b. 7-11
c. Canada
d. the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of relativity?
a. yes
b. no
c. maybe
d. I don't know

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for
what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
or spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples
do you have?

18. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

19. The DLSU tradition for excellence in education began
when (approximately)?
a. B.C.
b. A.D.
c. still waiting


***You must answer three or more questions
in order to graduate Magna Cum Laude.***

[ts1n1ta]

God Made Lasallites (too rich)


then UP students (too brainy)


He combined them both to make Ateneans (too airy)


Perfection was when He combined Ateneo and UP

A breed of brainy , slightly rich, competitive yet humble individuals were born


God named them after a saint



He called them



"Thomasians"

hahahaha :dance1:

[slip-slick]

no cracks on mapua??

[bajumbo]

no cracks on mapua??

Nope... Katawatawa na sila kapag napalitan na ng Malayan Intstitue of Technology ang Nursing nila..

[NazQ]

God Made Lasallites (too rich)


then UP students (too brainy)


He combined them both to make Ateneans (too airy)


Perfection was when He combined Ateneo and UP

A breed of brainy , slightly rich, competitive yet humble individuals were born


God named them after a saint



He called them



"Thomasians"

harharhar.. +1 uste peeps :viva:

[allen_the_great]

One day, God told an Atenean that he was destined to die that same day. The Atenean pleaded with God if his life could be spared. God said it was his time and that he has lived a bad life and was thus destined to go to hell. And so the Atenean asked God if he could be granted 1 last wish. God asked the Atenean what his wish was. The Atenean replied: "Give me a gun so that I could protect myself in hell" God granted his wish. God gave him his gun and 2 bullets.

Setting: In hell

Upon going to hell, the Atenean saw Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, a Lasallite and many more monsters. He immediately held the gun and pulled the trigger.

The question: Who did the Atenean shoot?












Answer: The Lasallite























...not once but twice.

[1D4LV]

God Made Lasallites (too rich)


then UP students (too brainy)


He combined them both to make Ateneans (too airy)


Perfection was when He combined Ateneo and UP

A breed of brainy , slightly rich, competitive yet humble individuals were born


God named them after a saint



He called them



"Thomasians"

amen....
:drunk: