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Verified Tsikot Member
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- Nov 2008
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February 6th, 2011 09:52 PM #91Teacher: Rewrite this statement using past tense.
"I see the butterfly".
Student: I saw the butterflew.
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February 7th, 2011 04:23 PM #92
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired.
“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. ‘Want to have some fun?’”
“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem.
Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”
“Thank you!” the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house.
His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,”Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”
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February 7th, 2011 04:31 PM #93
[SIZE=4]A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.
She spends
$15,000 & feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a
newspaper. Before
Leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my
asking, but How
old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's & asks
the counter
girl The very same question.
The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a
drug
store on her way down the street. She goes up to the
counter to get some
mints & asks the clerk this same burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say maybe 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting
next to her the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 79 and my eyesight is going.
Although, when I
was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a
woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to
let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, & only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you
are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until her
curiosity gets
the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go
ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse & begins to
feel around
very slowly & carefully. He bounces and weighs each
breast & he gently
pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together &
rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay,
okay.....How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his
hands, &
says, "Madam, you are 50 years old."
Stunned & amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible,
how could you tell?"
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't," she says.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I was behind you at McDonalds."[/SIZE]
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February 7th, 2011 04:34 PM #94
[SIZE=3]Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Oh ......God!!![/SIZE]
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February 10th, 2011 06:31 PM #95
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDfSPMB0Z7I"]YouTube - WOTL: Bagong Traffic Signs[/ame]
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February 10th, 2011 06:42 PM #96
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chZpGmthkOk"]YouTube - WOTL: Carnap[/ame]
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February 11th, 2011 08:51 PM #97
PEDRO
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez,
the son of a Mexican restaurateur,entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who
said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
Patrick Henry, 1775." Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said,
"Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish
from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Pedro:
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!
Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you
do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little ****. If you say
anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra
Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor,
someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
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February 11th, 2011 08:56 PM #98
Host : Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant : Banyo?
Host : Hindi, pag pumunta ka
doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host : Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant : Beerhouse!
Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant : Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host :Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant: Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy"
at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant : Ah, Mr. Clean!
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February 11th, 2011 09:15 PM #100
TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in
tagalog?
PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?
Job interview
Boss: Why should we hire you?
Tikyo: Mas mabuti po ang bagong tulad ko dahil wala pang sungay.
Boss: English please.
Tikyo: Well, you see, uh, I'm brand new so I'm not yet horny!
The backup charger finally arrived. Here are my findings and conclusion at the end:
My Dongfeng Nanobox - a case study of an electric...