Text Jokes!!!

[ikenn]

Matagal nang naghahanap ng trabaho yung bagong saltang Pinoy. Nakakita siya ng posibilidad sa "Help Wanted" section ng Classified Ads. "Wanted - Painter of Porch". Aba!, sabi nung Pinoy sa sarili... OK ito! Sa Pilipinas, e marami na akong pininta; yung libingan ng lolo ko, yung pader ng lumang bahay namin, yung kulungan ng mga baboy ng tiyo ko - pwede palagay ko ako rito!
In-explain nung Kano na nangangailangan ng pintor: "I need to have my porch painted, all in one day. The work involves scraping all the paint up to the bare surface, applying a coat of primer and two final coats of orange paint. Can you do this?"

Sagot nung Pinoy nung ininterbyu siya ng Kano... "Sir, yes sir. I can kaskas... I mean, remoob paint en apply paint beri well."

"Okay!", sabi nung Kano. "You've got the job! Everything you'll need has been unloaded from the trunk of the car."

Tatlong oras pa lang, narinig na nung Kano na kumakatok yung Pinoy sa pinto niya. "Sir... Pinis oreydi".

"Wow!" sabi nung Kano. "You finished the job in three hours. Are you sure you scraped the old paint to the bare surface?"

"Sir, yes sir. I tanggalated all the old paint." sagot nung Pinoy.

"Then, you deserve a bonus! Here's another 20 bucks." sabi nung Kano.

"Sir, tenkyu sir." wika nung Pinoy. "Pero sir, you don't heb a porch...your car is a BMW..."

[claRkEnt]

ubos ang load mo if you send this via text!

[van_wilder]

Quotes . . .









Quotes . .









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Quotes!








Quotes!!







Quotes!!!








- Manny Pacquiao calling Freddie Roach . . .

:lolabove:

[j_avonni]

[SIZE="4"]How to start your day with a positive outlook:
[/SIZE]







1. Open a new file folder in your computer.
2. Name it "Gloria Macapagal - Arroyo"
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Click "Empty the trash."
5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of Gloria
Macapagal - Arroyo ?"
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better?

Tomorrow, you can do Raul Gonzalez

[ikenn]

A Woman's Prayer.......


Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to
forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death!!!

[j_avonni]

Confucius say . . .




He who loses wealth loses much;




he who loses a friend loses more;




bu he who loses his e_ection loses all!

[claRkEnt]

[SIZE="4"]How to start your day with a positive outlook:
[/SIZE]

1. Open a new file folder in your computer.
2. Name it "Gloria Macapagal - Arroyo"
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Click "Empty the trash."
5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of Gloria
Macapagal - Arroyo ?"
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better?

Tomorrow, you can do Raul Gonzalez

:2thumbsup: good one! i will do this everyday! kaya lang, if everyday, baka magalit yung Recycle Bin at gumanti. :pcwhack:

[ward_23]

:beam::lolabove:

[LexTer]

Luma na ito pero nakakatawa pa din.

> > Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
> > Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers are beautiful).
> > Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's
> > fuera'?
> > Student: Fuera ka
> >
> >
> > Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
> > Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi?
> > Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina ung top 1 sa klase. Ang
> > tinuro ni ma'am ung
> > katabi ko. Muntik na ako.
> >
> >
> > Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his
> > translator:
> > Bush: Lets help one another.
> > Erap: Tayo'y magtulungan.
> > Bush: Let's strive together.
> > Erap: Tayo'y magsikap.
> > Bush: Because in union there is strength.
> > Erap: Dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!
> >
> >
> > Hating-gabi, hot si misis. Haplos niya ilong ni
> > mister, kiliti niya sa
> > leeg, saka bulong malambing sa tenga.
> > Misis: Love, ala na ko panty.
> > Mister: Huh! Cge, tulog na, bukas ibibili kita.
> >
> >
> > Isang panget na babae, hinoholdap
> > Holdaper: Holdap ito! Akin na gamit mo!
> > Babae (sumigaw): RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
> > Holdaper: Anong rape? Holdap nga to eh!
> > Babae: Nagsa-suggest lang.
> >
> >
> > Pare 1: Pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!
> > Pare 2: Nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants
> > ng Ms. Universe
> > Pare 1: Swerte mo! ano problema mo?
> > Pare 2: Pare ako nanalo!
> >
> >
> > "There what it takes to be. Then we shall so be it
> > because it is.
> > To do or not to is in the what, now or what else.
> > Without which there never to you!"
> > - Words of wisdom from Senator Lito
> > Lapid
> >
> >
> > TEBAN: Pare sinong idol mo?
> > GOLIATH: Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
> > TEBAN: Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
> > GOLIATH: Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol
> > ko.
> >
> > A variation of the above:
> > Erap writing on a slum book:
> > Favorite Actor:
> > Arnold Scharzene... ... (erase)
> > Arnold Schwarze... ... (erase)
> > Arnold Schwarzz... ... (erase)
> > Arnold Shwazenne.... ..(erase)
> > Arnold Shwazenner... ..(erase)
> > Arnold Shwarzenneg.. ..(erase)
> > Arnold Schchwarzenne... (erase)
> > Arnold Clavio
> >
> >
> > Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka
> > Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo
> > (pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)
> > Pare 1: Di pa rin e
> > Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo
> > (pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ...)
> > Pare 1: Wala pa rin
> > Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ...
> > (pag hindi ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!!!!!)
> >
> >
> > Sa isang ospital...
> >
> > Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
> > Doc : Che-chemo lola.
> > Lola : Titi mo rin!!! Bastos ka!! walang modo!!
> >
> >
> > Holduper: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
> > Biktima: Ikaw na bahala..bastaa pareho po yan
> > walang laman!
> >
> >
> > Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang
> > syota? wala ka pa bang
> > napupusuan?
> > Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!
> > (nyahahahaha!)
> >
> >
> > Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante...
> > Guro: Ano 'to?
> > Estudyante: Prayers ko po, ma'am!
> > Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?
> > Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!
> > Yahoooooo!!!
> >
> > Sa isang mumurahing airline:
> > Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
> > Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
> > Stewardess: Yes or No lang