Text Jokes!!!

[tsupermario]

Translated
Song Titles:

HeY JuDe-
Hoy Hudas

PoWeR of LuV-
Buntis;

3 TyMs a Lady-
Super BakLa;

More dan a
Woman-
Tomboy;

Cant b w/ u
2nyt- Andito
Asawa ko..ü

=====

HAPPINESS
is like
peeing in
your pants..





Everyone
can see it,









but only
YOU can
feel the
warmth..








stay happy!
iHi lagi..


=====

Q:Why is d SPERM BANK not a member of BANKERS ASSN. Of the PHILs?
A:Bcoz it obtains its funds not from deposits but from withdrawals! (1969 BAR QUESTION)

=====

Mr: Honey, bad news. Galing akong Urologist 2day, baog daw ako. Mrs: Ha?! Galing din akong O.B. yesterday. Buti na lang nabuntis ako bago ka nabaog!

=====

*** is like a restaurant, sometimes U get good service, sometimes bad service,
sometimes no service & many times U have 2 B happy with Self service!

[Gumusut_Amige]

HIGHEST FORM OF LAZINESS

A guy lying on top of a girl both naked and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

ang lufeeet!!! paano kung walang earthquake ang lugar niya... hehehehe

[mikaztro]

IDD CALL FROM US
husband: Hon, kamusta ang tindahan?
Wife: Department store na!
Husband: Ang Karinderia?
Wife: KTV bar na!
Husband: Eh yung pedicabs natin?
Wife: Taxi na siya!
Husband: Ang dalawa kong anak?
Wife: Lima na!

FRENCH LESSONS

Cough - O vou
Ashes - a vou
Naked - hu vou
Car - re vou
Balloon - lo vou
Drugs - sha vou
Goodbye - va vou
Cute - a cou

MAN AND MUTE WOMAN

Man marries mute woman.
He says: We must work out a code...If I want $ex, I'll stroke your left breast. You must reply by pulling my penis once for yes and 150 times for no. Ok?

[j_avonni]

sumwer in Quiapo

Boy: CNU ANG MATAPANG? LUMABAS ANG MATAPANG DYAN!

Lalaking malaki na madaming tatoo: AKO MATAPANG! BAKIT!

Boy: Survey lang po... O yung mga duwag naman!

[OILSLICK]

joke tym..

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombedyour Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

[jasprit]

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombedyour Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

I remember this joke sir mukang may modification tyung ginawa ah peace hehe...

[jasprit]

huwag mong isipin na pangit ka





























maiinis ka lng. hehehe

[OILSLICK]

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a
US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast
of Newfoundland.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to
the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees
to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your
course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I
say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN,
THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC
FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE
CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT
YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN,
THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES
WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a LIGHTHOUSE. Your call...!!!


peace .. sa mga S.NAVY..

[Galactus]

^^^ Text jokes po ang title ng thread...

Ilang text messages kaya to? Hehehe...peace!

[170kphlang]

once upon a tym in a kingdom far2 away...

HARI:Juan! dhil kaw ay nagkasala ng pagnanakaw, ikaw ay paparusahan
pero dahil mabait ako papipiliin kita. ang ipakain sa mga leon o ang pasakan ng dalwang saging sa pwet!
JUAN: Mahal na Hari! mas gugustuhin ko ang pasakan nalng ng saging sa pwet kahit saba o lakatan pa yan mas kaya kong tiisin yun kesa mamatay ng dahan dahan sa mga leon
HARI:sigurado ka Juan? wala ng atrasan?
JUAN:Opo, sigurado na ako!
HARI:o sige, B1 at B2 humanda na kayo!!

....

[russpogi]

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a
US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast
of Newfoundland.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to
the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees
to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your
course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I
say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN,
THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC
FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE
CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT
YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN,
THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES
WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a LIGHTHOUSE. Your call...!!!


peace .. sa mga S.NAVY..

This made my day! hahaha!!!

[j_avonni]

Anak: Tay, ano po kyang mgandng gwin
kc yng panty ng gf ko mye tatak na
NO ENTRY?

Tatay: Ez lng anak, yng brief mo markahan mo ng
GOV'T PROJECT = DO NOT DELAY!

[j_avonni]

Lady: Hello Police Station? A man has entered into my house and is raping me right now. Cannn youuuuu aaaarr.....ahhrest......himmm.....toom....moo...oo h...rroow?

[the_wildthing]

I vote to merge this and this: http://tsikot.yehey.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18236

[j_avonni]

Quotes . . .









Quotes . .









Quotes .








Quotes!








Quotes!!







Quotes!!!








- Manny Pacquiao calling Freddie Roach . . .

[j_avonni]

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair.

Mother: that's your father.

Boy: then who that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us?

[mayana]

mga klase ng utot ayon sa iyong pagkatao:

WALANG TUNOG PERO UBOD NG BANTOT
>> plastik ka.

MAHINA NGUNIT NAY KNOTING SUNDOT NG BANTOT
>> simple lang pero rock.

MALAKAS ANG BUGA PERO WALANG AMOY
>> puro ka salita, kulang sa gawa.

MALAKAS NA, BAHO PA
>> totoong tao ka! Saludo ako sa iyo!

[tsiktsik]

What is the
definition
of the
word
IMPOTENCE?

It's nature's
way of saying
NO HARD FEELINGS.

[VtEC]

Pedro bumps a foreigner
Pedro: ay sori
Foreigner: sorry too
Pedro: sori 3
Foreigner: what are you sorry for?
Pedro: (kala mo bobo ako ha!) sori 5
Foreigner: i think you are sick!
Pedro: hahahaha! sick daw, seven sunod!

Pasikatan ng Graduates
UP: Many past president graduated from our school; Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, just to name a few
Ateneo: That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes: Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
La Salle: Wala yan! Talo yan sa mga Graduates namin!
UP and Ateneo: Bakit? sino ba ang graduates nyo?
La Salle: Aba marami kaming sikat na graduates: si Gary Valenciano, Dindong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid at Monsour Del Rosario

[j_avonni]

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

-----------------------

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...