should i confront her or not? need some advice

**gabriel knight** · October 14th, 2006 01:43 AM

A little background:

I met my gf thru MIRC(online chat). She’s fond of chatting before but not anymore when I came to her life (accdg. to her) and she would ask my permission if she needs to chat in MIRC for her projects.

Bago niya ako sinagot, she mentioned something about not totally getting over her ex yet and she would sometimes cry kung naaalala niya yung past. According to her, she’s the one who broke up with her ex kasi pinagbawalan na ng parents niya na magkita sila after they saw a pic of them embracing each other. Hindi na pinaglaban ng gf ko kasi yung ex niya binabale wala na rin daw siya nun and 3 years rin sila. Yes, her parents are very strict. They don’t know about our relationship yet.

We have a may-december relationship.

Present:

We are currently more than 2 months into the relationship. 1st month into our relationship, she was kinda not into me that much and she even broke up with me a week na naging kami for vague reasons that she’s not happy anymore and she’s afraid of what people might say against her once they find out about our huge age gap. But she came back to me again coz she misses me.

Few days after that 1st month, she confessed that she wasn’t into me on the first month because she’s not sure if she wants to continue the relationship or not coz she’s still worried about what people might say, but after thinking about it, she realized that happiness niya dapat sundin and not what other people would say. (yan ang binigay niyang dahilan and not about seeing an ex)

After that she was more into me and she would visit me from time to time until she become a little bit not into me again coz of her finals and projects and she told me about it naman. so ok lang.

Few days ago, she gave me her password for her email account and told me to check an email from her classmate. Since I was given authority already and I’m the bf, I browsed her sent folder and I found out that she sent her pictures to a lot of guys. There was even one where she needs to send her pic to a guy for the guy to help her on a schoolwork. But I checked the date, it was way before we knew each other so I let it pass.

One email caught my attention though; it was an email she sent to herself containing testimonials from another friendster account of hers, which she didn’t tell me about. I browsed through the testimonials and saw a girl, which is the gf of her ex's brother. So I look her up in friendster. Lo and behold, I saw my gf in the girl’s friend’s list. I was shocked to see my gf’s friendster coz she said to me she had none. What’s more surprising was her primary pic, it’s a pic of her with her ex with the ex wrapping his arm around her and the picture was dated around our first month in the relationship. Yes, she’s seeing her ex then and I don’t know now. I even saw her ex’s friendster and his primary pic was the same one.

She had a friendster before that I’m aware of but she erased it for unknown reason and this one is an older one coz of the date joined so this is her original account or personal account for close friends and etc. the other she erased was probably for her chatmates.

I was hurt from what I saw and numerous thoughts and doubts are clouding up my mind right now.

i don't know if i should confront her or wait a few days for new developments. recently she’s been telling me stuff like she’s so blessed to have met me coz I’m way better than her ex and that she have been praying for someone like me to come along and etc. she always compares all my good qualities with her ex's bad qualities. she tells me she loves me so much and we would talk about our future like having kids and family. whenever we're together she's very sweet and very attentive to me and i somehow sense her sincerity(i don't know if magaling lang siya magpretend o sincere talaga) but whenever i looked at her friendster account and saw the pic, doubt would move over lalo na nakalagay pa sa friendster niya ay "married" sa status.

What’s the best thing to do right now? I still love her and I’m afraid that she might broke up with me if I confront her but if I don’t confront her about it, I get no peace of mind. Here are some of my questions:

1. Is it safe to assume that she’s coming clean now considering that the pic was dated during the 1st month of our relationship, which she’s not that into me yet, coz of the reason she gave about our age gap? Or should I consider more what she said few days after the 1st month that she decided to continue the relationship and not confront her about my findings? If she’s coming clean then why didn’t she remove their pic yet and status is "married"?

2. If I confront her about my findings, is there a chance that she would not want to continue the relationship anymore coz she might think that I may not trust her anymore instead of explaining her side to me?

3. Or should I wait further for any new pics to come up and go from there?

4. Was it wrong on my part to open some of her emails in the sent folder? I don’t think I’m wrong coz I’m her boyfriend and she gave me authority to open her email account but I could be wrong. pwede ba niya akong hiritan ng i don't trust her kaya i checked her emails and use it against me to break up para lumabas ako ang may mali although mas malaki mali niya?

5. If I decided to confront her about it, is it better to confront her or should I ask the ex instead about the real score between them, maybe the ex will be more honest about it?

Any more advice and opinions will be appreciated.

**bat_zignal** · October 14th, 2006 01:55 AM

Dude, hanap ka na ng iba.... Maybe she's not meant for you..

**oldblue** · October 14th, 2006 02:09 AM

don't know if i should confront her or wait a few days for new developments. recently she’s been telling me stuff like she’s so blessed to have met me coz I’m way better than her ex and that she have been praying for someone like me to come along and etc. she always compares all my good qualities with her ex's bad qualities. she tells me she loves me so much and we would talk about our future like having kids and family. whenever we're together she's very sweet and very attentive to me and i somehow sense her sincerity(i don't know if magaling lang siya magpretend o sincere talaga) but whenever i looked at her friendster account and saw the pic, doubt would move over lalo na nakalagay pa sa friendster niya ay "married" sa status.

you want the cold plain hard truth of it all, girls are more manipulative than us guys. magaling magtago mga yan, mas magaling pa sa'tin. they can have *** with their bf or husband and their boylet, na para bang walang nangyari. unlike us, when we have *** to another girl, di na natin kaya pa ulit sa wife or gf, mag-alibi na tayo.

and they engage in backfighting and dirty talk like it's normal talk lalo na pag wala dun yun pinag-uusapan, unlike us guys, na may honor system, we wont talk about somebody behind his back.

get rid of her na.

in case, na-sashock ka sa sinabi ko. galing yan words sa isang kawawang husband sa isang forum. and somehow, I find his story not entirely false.

**russpogi** · October 14th, 2006 02:16 AM

Chong, mejo mahirap yang situation mo.

1. Is it safe to assume that she’s coming clean now considering that the pic was dated during the 1st month of our relationship, which she’s not that into me yet, coz of the reason she gave about our age gap? Or should I consider more what she said few days after the 1st month that she decided to continue the relationship and not confront her about my findings? If she’s coming clean then why didn’t she remove their pic yet and status is "married"?

Don't assume anything yet. Talk to her first. If it's ok, may I know your age? Me and my girlfriend have a 5 year age gap kse. Maybe I can relate.

2. If I confront her about my findings, is there a chance that she would not want to continue the relationship anymore coz she might think that I may not trust her anymore instead of explaining her side to me?

This gives you more reason to talk to her about this. Remeber, a relationship without trust is worth nothing. Trust may be broken but it not meant to be given back. To get a person's trust (especially when lost) it must be EARNED.

3. Or should I wait further for any new pics to come up and go from there?

The longer you wait, the more painful it's gonna be.

4. Was it wrong on my part to open some of her emails in the sent folder? I don’t think I’m wrong coz I’m her boyfriend and she gave me authority to open her email account but I could be wrong. pwede ba niya akong hiritan ng i don't trust her kaya i checked her emails and use it against me to break up para lumabas ako ang may mali although mas malaki mali niya?

Para sa 'kin, it's not wrong since she was the one who told you to open her email. Maybe (MAYBE) she did this on purpose or what not. Kung may tinatago ang tao sa yo, gagawin nya lahat ng pwede to protect what the person is hiding.

5. If I decided to confront her about it, is it better to confront her or should I ask the ex instead about the real score between them, maybe the ex will be more honest about it?

Mahirap to ah. If it was me, I'd do a little research of my own then talk to her.

If you notice, I did not use the word "confront". Bago pa lang kayo sa relationship and "confront" does not sound right. Talk to her straight up, wag pasikot-sikot. Get the right info on your research before talking to your girl. Best to do it at a neutral place, not your place nor hers.

HTH

**basti08** · October 14th, 2006 02:21 AM

i can relate to this...good thing, im not too emo. ;) parang gusto ko tuloy malaman name ng girl...hehehe

**scarab** · October 14th, 2006 02:21 AM

...old habits die hard.

**Negus** · October 14th, 2006 02:23 AM

you can ask the ex-bf casually via his friendster/email basta huwag mo haluan ng init ng ulo. baka hindi din alam ng ex na may relation kayo. basta huwag init ulo, tamang approach lang ang kailangan. kung matino naman yung ex, siguro naman sasabihin niya totoo...

yung age gap, ala naman sigurong problema dun basta hindi laging naghihingi yung girl ng kung anuano

**nugundam93** · October 14th, 2006 02:26 AM

you could confront her...

pero in the end, break up with her. no use continuing with this, talo ka lang bro.

**basti08** · October 14th, 2006 02:30 AM

yup, dont decide when you're still emotional. it's gonna be messy.

try not to lose your cool. think. decide. offer a talk to your girl. set her free if the situation calls for it. remember, be cool!

now if you can't....

.....just dump the b!tch!!! ;)

**nugundam93** · October 14th, 2006 02:35 AM

song for the thread...

tug-pshhh--tug-tug-pshhhh...

i just want bang! bang! bang!
i don't want relationship
i just want bang! bang! bang!
i don't want to know your name
i just want bang! bang! bang!
i don't want to meet your mom...

and the song goes on...sa mga nakakarelate. hehehehe! group X flash video. :lol:

BI ko 'no?