I Don’t Want My Children to Grow Up as “Coconuts”!
By Paco Arespacochaga

I live in Los Angeles which is so socially mosaic. It’s a 1st world melting pot of different nationalities. You have the Koreans and their Koreatown, the Japanese and their Little Tokyo, The Chinese of Chinatown, the Thais in Thai Town, The Mexicans and Hispanics and their claim of the whole California and the Filipinos who are supposed to belong to the Historic Filipino Town zip code. Apparently, we’re not there! We’ve migrated and assimilated into society.

Typical of any Pinoy living anywhere in the world, majority of us want to blend in as soon as possible. Sometimes, too soon, it becomes too “trying hard”. Everyone has an accent to grind! I was guilty of this when I was still living in Manila. I thought my accent and diction was THE standard way of speaking. I would laugh whenever I heard our house help, who was from the province, speak. I thought my driver’s name was Ruben. It was after seeing his driver’s license that I found out it was Robin! He was from the province too!

My self and my puny brain made me so unconsciously condescending toward others who didn’t speak like me that looking back, I should have kicked myself in the butt! How shallow of me. Fyi, there were a lot of beautiful people from Iloilo, Davao, Cebu, Ormoc and other provinces that I ignored because they couldn’t speak like me. I should have known better.

Now that I think I know better, I have observed that here in the United States, migrant Filipino parents talk to their kids in English. Koreans, Europeans, Hispanics and Middle Easterns don’t do that! English is something you learn on the streets. Your vernacular is something you speak at home that keeps you grounded to your roots or heritage, however you want to call it.

I have a friend who looks very Ilocano. You close your eyes and you’ll think you’re speaking with Val Kilmer. That’s how he sounds! Can’t speak nor understand Ilocano or Filipino. He is second generation and he is a coconut! So what is a coconut? Is it a derogatory term? It really depends on how you look at it. It’s a synonym for someone that is “brown on the outside but white on the inside” just like my friend.


He doesn’t see anything wrong with not knowing any Filipino words. I asked him what he thought he was. He actually said that he felt “white”. I teased and asked him if he felt “black”? I was floored by his answer. He said that when a Filipino from the Philippines comes to Los Angeles, they act like their black! And it’s not just limited to the Philippines. With this comment, I didn’t know how to react! I had to back out from the conversation for a couple of seconds to examine my “ya know what’m sayin?” attitude if I had one!

I got the gist of what he was trying to say. But I guess, his parents are to blame with his mentality. He was made to believe he was white just like the emperor was made to believe he had fine clothing! I know what I am! I’m a Filipino living in the United States to give my family a good life. One I cannot achieve in my home country. “And what about my future children?” They will be Americans of Filipino descent. They will look Filipino and speak Filipino. And they will be proud of where their lineage started and where they ended up being. They will learn to appreciate the privileges they will have as Americans and they will also learn how to empathize with other Filipinos living in the Philippines. They will learn why an immigrant is an immigrant and learn to keep the immigrant mentality going because that mentality has a lot of drive because we have a lot to prove and we want to succeed!

I want to instill value in my children’s being to make them better individuals of society. I don’t want to raise coconuts! (By the way, children of mixed race families are not considered coconuts.)

May this article hold me accountable for the rest of my life!


Paco Arespacochaga was born and raised in Manila, Philippines. The eldest of 6 siblings, Paco was orphaned at age 20 and had to find ways and means to move the family forward. Success came to him via his band, Introvoys, which is still actively playing concerts in the United States where he currently lives with his wife, Tiny.

Aside from writing songs and playing the drums, he loves writing about the anything that moves. He enjoys teasing the brain.

Paco has a son, Heaven, from a previous marriage who lives in the Philippines.


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