GREEN JOKES - SHARE NIYO NAMAN DIYAN!!!

**Kennon_road** · June 5th, 2003 04:02 PM

:mrgreen::twisted:kahit ano wag lang mapula.. catsup pala:mrgreen:

**Kennon_road** · June 5th, 2003 05:07 PM

test

**Kennon_road** · June 5th, 2003 05:07 PM

ayun

**lacsanet** · June 5th, 2003 05:26 PM

:P Lalaki: Ang ganda naman nito! Ito ang matatawag na weapon of mass destruction!

GRO: Aba, bakit weapon of mass destruction?

Lalaki: Aba eh kahit anong tigas pagpasok, lupaypay paglabas!

**lacsanet** · June 5th, 2003 05:34 PM

Kinausap ng tatay ang binatang nanliligaw sa anak niyang dalaga…

Tatay: Binata, mag-usap nga tayo nang lalaki sa lalaki. Baka naman kaya mo nililigawan ang anak ko eh para maikama mo lang.

Binata: Aba, hindi po! Sa akin po, kahit sa sahig eh ok lang!

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Girl #1: Ang init na ng panahon. Kaya kita mo ang boys, sagad bukaka sila.

Girl #2: Eh bakit ganu’n?

Girl #1: Pag mainit kasi, hanggang puwet ang lawlaw ng betlog nila!

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

**musang** · June 6th, 2003 11:10 AM

binata: dad, dad! finally, may naka *** na ako!

tatay: very good anak! tara, let's go out and celebrate your manhood.

binata: mamaya na lang dad. masakit pa puwet ko eh...

:D

**Kennon_road** · June 11th, 2003 02:51 PM

Tawa muna!

1. A lizard fell on the table:
Guy from UP : " Wow! Butiki..."
Atenean: "Wow! Reptilla scincidae..."
La Sallite: "Wow! Lacoste..."

2. Husband to Doctor: "I need a vasectomy."
Doc: "Did you discuss this with your family?"
Husband: "I asked my children and they voted favorably 17-2."

3. To assist the Iraqis, a delegation of Philippine senators and congressmen will be sent to Iraq to supervise the looting.

4. How many Iraqi's does it take to fire a scud?

Answer: 3: one to load; one to fire, and one to go home and watch CNN to check where it hits!

5. "Yung mama, sabi, masungit ka, kaya nagalit ako;
sabi, wala ka raw kwenta, kaya, sinapak ko;
sabi, wala kang taste, kaya sinuntok ko;
nang sinabing cute ka, binaril ko na,
kasi, pintasero na, sinungaling pa!

Thoughts to go by:

Don't grow old filled with regrets for things not done for words not said, and for love not shown. Life is too short. Do what makes you feel happy!

Getting angry is actually punishing yourself with the mistakes of others. So, SMILE!

A man who gives in when he is wrong, is honest
A man who gives in when he is not sure, is wise.
A man who gives in when he is right, is married!

**pajerokid** · June 11th, 2003 07:50 PM

heto nakakatawa....

Q: Paano mo malalaman kapag conservative ang babae? :roll:

A: Kapag bumo-blowjob, nakahawak sa dibdib!!! (para di mabosohan!!!)

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

**ARB** · June 11th, 2003 10:20 PM

Pageant Night Miss Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion

The FINALISTS :

Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Britain
Miss Philippines
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Japan

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.....

(Applause!.... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every p! erformance and because it is buried alive.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night....

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Japan, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MISS JAPAN: It's like an actor in a stage play....because it bows down after every performance.

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihih! ihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis..
Q UESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy...Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi...Kasi....I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..

(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara by camel. On the third day, a sandstorm whips up and they take shelter. When the storm stops, the camel is dead. "Well Sister this looks grim" says the priest. "We can't survive two days out here and we're a week from the nearest camp. Since we're unlikely to live, would you do something for me Sister? I've never seen a woman's breasts. Could I see yours? "

The nun, a bit fazed, replies, "Under the circumstances, I can't see any harm" So she gets them out. Then the priest says "Sister would you mind if I touched them?" Again, she consents. After a few minutes, the nun asks "Father, could I ask something of you? I've never seen a man's thingy. Could I see yours?" "OK" says the priest. When she's examined the priest's organ. She asks "Can I touch it?" The priest agrees. After a couple of minutes of her attention, he's standing to attention too and he whispers "Sister, did you know that if I insert my penis into the right place, it can give life?"

"Is that really true?" asks the nun. "Yes.""Then stick it up that camel's arse and let's get the **** out of here".

WARNING: This message is not for the weak hearted.
> It should not be taken seriously. No thinking required.
>

>
> It has been known for many years that *** is good exercise, but until
> recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure
> of different ***ual activities. Now after original and proprietary
> research they are proud to present the results.
>
>
>
> REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
> With her consent....................... 12 Calories
> Without her consent.................... 187 Calories
>
>
>
> OPENING HER BRA:
> With both hands........................ 8 Calories
> With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
> With your teeth........................ 85 Calories
>
>
>
> PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
> With an erection....................... 6 Calories
> Without an erection.................... 315 Calories
>
>
>
> PRELIMINARIES:
> Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
> Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories
>
>
>
> POSITIONS:
> Missionary............................. 12 Calories
> 69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
> 69 standing up......................... 112 Calories
> Wheelbarrow............................ 216 Calories
> Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories
> Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories
>
>
>
> ORGASMIC:
> Real................................... 112 Calories
> False.................................. 315 Calories
>
>
>
> POST ORGASM:
> Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
> Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
> Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories
>
>
>
> GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
> 20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
> 30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
> 40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
> 50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
> 60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
> 70 and over......................... Results are still pending
>
>
>
> DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
> Calmly................................. 32 Calories
> In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
> With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
> With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories
>
>
>
> for your information....
>
>
>
>
>

**happiman** · June 18th, 2003 08:29 PM

napag uusapan din lang naman ang kainan dito sa pitstop eh samahan natin itong tatlong bata sa probinsya na nag papayabangan sa katakawan ng tatay nila. :mrgreen:

bata #1 hoy alam nyo ang tatay ko ang takaw. isang buong fried chicken sya lang ang umuubos.

bata #2 mas matakaw tatay ko kasi kahit hilaw na manok kinakain nya.

bata #3 tatay ko hindi kumakain ng manok kasi bawal sa kanya. pero matakaw din yun.

bata #1 bakit mo nasabing matakaw, ano ba ang kinakain nya?

bata #3 lampara ang kinakain ng tatay gabigabi.

bata#1&2 ano lampara ang kinakain ng tatay mo? grabe naman, totoo ba yan??

bata# 3 totoo,kasi tuwing gabi kapag matutulog na kami lagi kong nadidinig sa tatay ko na sinasabi sa nanay ko na.......''darling, patayin mo na ang lampara....KAKAININ KO NA''!!!! :twisted::mrgreen: