Amazing Race

[mk]

nabasa ko sa ibang forum mga february this year daw e...

[knicks1204]

ganun po ba ssaloon? heheh... just a thought...

[Monseratto]

Amazing disgrace

Updated 07:48pm (Mla time) Sept 10, 2004
By Tals Diaz
Inquirer News Service

IF I CLOSE my eyes, I can just imagine the selection process for the final batch of contestants in "The Amazing Race." Top-dog producer Jerry Bruckheimer, seated at the head of a long oak table, asks the potential racers some do-or-die questions:

"Are you and your partner mentally prepared to travel more than seven thousand miles around the world, whether by foot, plane, train, boat, automobile or four-legged creature?"

"Are you amenable to instigating conflict, sowing discord and stoking antagonism among fellow opponents whenever possible because, as we all know, these are the most crucial elements that increase viewership of reality TV shows?"

"Finally, are you willing, whenever the opportunity arises anywhere you are in the world, to exhibit ignorance, tactlessness, insensitivity, intolerance, jingoism and cultural bias, to further stoke the growing anti-American sentiment in the world today?"

All right, all right, no intention of stirring up conspiracy theories here, just being a student of hyperbole! As the season of "The Amazing Race 5" winds down to its last nail-biting episodes (they're heading to our part of the world in next week's show), I can't help but get offended at some of the racers' general behavior now that they're on the mandatory "Third World leg."

Sure, it's only a TV show, but because it's a reality program predicated on having Americans do a Phileas Fogg by going 'round the world in 80 days amidst the current political climate (with temperatures soaring due to "Fahrenheit 9/11"), I can't help but take a closer look. And this only served to create some confused thought bubbles.

An irate American viewer recently posted this comment on an Amazing Race message board: "You know those two buildings that used to be in New York? You know when you watch the Olympics, and you see people in the audience booing the American team? Have you ever watched the news and seen people in other countries burning American flags? One of the reasons that many people around the world don't like us is because of what they perceive as American arrogance and greed. So it stands to reason that when an American travels abroad, he might want to do whatever he can to respect the locals [and] improve their perceptions of what we are like."

Based on this season's race around the world, here are some of the finest tips on how NOT to travel:

#1 Shove your native tongue down the throat of the locals. If they can't speak your language, dismiss them as ignorant half-wits.

True, English is the language of international business, diplomacy and the academe. But in a world that speaks 6,800 languages to date, you can't expect to fly to a remote village in East Africa and expect the locals to respond to you in perfect English. Tell that to Colin (this season's certified villain and possible soul mate of Flo from Amazing Race 3) when he barged into a police station in Tanzania and demanded of the officer: "You speak English?" To which the blase officer rightfully responded, "You speak Swahili?"

#2 In Latin American countries, it's perfectly all right to transmute English words into phrases that remotely sound like Spanish. In every other country, speak English with a fake accent. If the locals still don't understand you, they are uneducated halfwits.

"Can you call uno more taxi?" "Stop-o! Stop-oe!" "Moo-chas grassy-ass!" So went the painful tirade in Uruguay, from my least favorite racers of the lot, Mirna and Charla. But just when you thought you could still sleep at night, they made it to Russia, where they suddenly developed this strange, mutated accent that made them sound like Transylvanian trollops, only with less class.

#3 Shortchange the local service people of their hard-earned wages when you feel like it.

Brandishing a wad of small bills amounting to $50, half the agreed fare, the evil Colin screams at the Tanzanian taxi driver, "Here's fifty bucks, take it or leave it. You were driving with a donut! A donut!" Meanwhile, the befuddled and hungry-looking cabbie looked on, trying to make the connection between the pissy American and the sugarcoated dessert.

#4 Fight with the local police if the rules you disobeyed don't correspond with the rules in your head.

So the poor cab driver exercised his citizen's right to seek help from the police. Colin still didn't back down; instead he yelled, bitched, threatened and incensed the authorities, exhibiting all the qualities that could make him the star flunkee of anger management class.

#5 Scream at taxi drivers for not having superhuman capabilities to ease traffic.
I'd like to personally ask the Bowling Moms, those pinheads, if teleportation is already possible and the rest of us just haven't gotten the memo? Or, have they gotten wind of other top-secret scientific methods of transforming solid objects into sub-atomic particles, allowing cabs to slink through bumper-to-bumper traffic? We'd like to know, since such information would greatly help ease the traffic situation in Metro Manila.

#6 Express your disgust while in sacred shrines and temples built in honor of a god that you don't worship.

Visiting the city of Dubai for the first time, one half of the goody-two-shoes team, Nicole, commented: "They have so many... so many of those... what do you call them?"

"Mosques," said Brandon (a.k.a. Krusty the Clown stunt double).

"Yeah... mosques. They're all over the place. They're like Starbucks here."

Um, yes, silly girl from the Bible belt of America! In the Middle East, the dominant religion is Islam. The people are Muslim. They worship at mosques. Don't count on getting your moccha frap fix there!

#7 Be as loud and obnoxious as humanly possible at the airport ticket counter. Never mind if there are other people in line; only your interests matter.

We know it's a million-dollar race. But do the ticketing agents, airport personnel, security officers know that, much less care about it? What about the other passengers who are also waiting in line?

#8 Be condescending to the locals. Even if you are the visitor, you may still refer to the locals as "foreigners."

What cheek! And I'm not referring to the physical attributes of pizzeria owners Marshall and Lance, when they were badgering the locals to help them find their next landmark in Uruguay. When the local Latinos said they did not know, the pizza boys remarked, "the foreigners here are useless. Absolutely useless." Hmmm... looks like their pizza crust isn't the only thing that should be stuffed.

#9 Complain loudly about an impoverished place to its very citizens. Who cares if they will never have the means to overcome their lot?

Okay, so Kolkata may not be everyone's idea of a honeymoon destination. Yet I'd caution against belittling the city and hurling insults directly at the locals, for that would probably justify a demotion to the lowest rung in the caste system in the next life. Either that, or reincarnation as a blind, one-legged scarab.

#10 Do not know what a "scarab" is.
Well Ramses be damned! While sand digging in Egypt, none of the racers knew what a scarab was? Not even one? Didn't any of these people ever watch "The Mummy"?

(Email the author at: inca_orange*yahoo.com)

[nmtin]

I wish Chip and Kim win. Sila na yung pinaka TAO sa mga contestants. According nga to the Inquirer article. Bastos talaga the other contestants. What can you expect from americans? They think their the kings of the world

[lexlibris]

ssaloon thanks sa reply. Kung last Feb or April-May pa sila sa Pinas, possible na tapos na yan. Sino ba ang winning duo?

[gearspeed]

I wish Chip and Kim win. Sila na yung pinaka TAO sa mga contestants. According nga to the Inquirer article. Bastos talaga the other contestants. What can you expect from americans? They think their the kings of the world

Agree ako dyan ang bait kase nila masasabi mo na hindi sila makasarili...
Sana sila Chip and Kim ang manalo...:D
Hindi ko pa napapanood yung leg na nasa Philippines sila.Sa sunday papanoorin ko nga sa Studio 23...7pm...:D

[knicks1204]

gearspeed, sa Sept. 15 and Sept. 22 pa lang papalabas ung Philippine leg ng Amazing Race... kung nyo man po maabutan sa live telecast ng Wednesday & 6PM replay sa Studio 23, meron dn po sa AXN... Wednesdays dn po.. 8PM and 12AM... tapos meron dn pong Sunday.. kasabay ng timeslot ng Studio 23..

[nmtin]

Pero magaling talaga ung planning ng amazing race. No one leaked the winners kahit na tapos na ung race. Tapos they were able to prevent local media to make news of the race while in the countries... Kasi kung may news ung abs-cbn or gma, malalaman na natin sino ung nag lead ng paalis sa pinas

[xpac]

just watched the catch-up episode kanina last team to arrive sila brandon and nicole buti na lang di pa sila eliminated.
magaling talaga sila colin and cristie dami beses na sila 1st team to arrive sa pit stop.

[Monseratto]

ehh... I thought it was the dumb twins that were eliminated.