News: Jobert Sucaldito hospitalized after accident with cucumber

**ghosthunter** · May 23rd, 2009 11:03 AM

I found this in another forum:
http://www.netbooks.ph/forums/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=1617

I just want to share it. I have no idea if its real or fake though.

[SIZE="4"]Jobert Sucaldito hospitalized after accident with cucumber[/SIZE]
05/11/2009 by deejay
WARNING: R-18 content.Minors, don't read further!

Showbiz talk show host Jobert Sucaldito is recovering at the Capitol Medical Center in Quezon City after a successful emergency surgery to remove a large piece of cucumber that got stuck in his rectum, according to reports.

Sucaldito, one of the hosts of ABS-CBN's "The Buzz," reportedly met with the accident Sunday night and was rushed to the hospital after complaining of "extreme pain" in his bottom.
X-rays subsequently revealed that a broken piece of cucumber, about five inches in length, had gotten lodged into the lower end of his large intestine.

It was not immediately clear how the cucumber got there.

The surgeons who operated on Sucaldito were tight-lipped and refused to discuss his case with media, citing doctor-patient confidentiality. Oddly enough, they all looked like they were trying vainly to keep from laughing and refused to look reporters in the eye.

Members of Sucaldito's household who declined to be named said they recovered the other half of the cucumber, also five inches in length, in Sucaldito's bedroom.

They said it had "bite marks" and was in a "soggy" state.

Besides the cucumber, they said they also found "a bottle of Johnson's baby oil, pictures of scantily clad men, and lots of tissue paper."

Reached by phone, Sucaldito said he is fine and will be discharged from hospital soon. He explained that it was all an accident.

Cucumbers Have Rights, Too

"Gumagawa kasi ako ng salad. Napaupo ako dun sa chair e meron palang pipino dun na patayo ang pusisyon. Basta, mabilis kasi ang mga pangyayari (I was making a salad. I sat on a chair but there was a cucumber there in an upright position. Everything just happened so fast)" he said.

In a related development, a group of veganFilipinos is reportedly thinking of filing an abuse complaint against Sucaldito for allegedly molesting a harmless and defenseless vegetable.

Posted in News| Tagged ABS-CBN, Bite Marks, Capitol Medical Center, Celebrities, Cucumber, Doctor-Patient Relation, Entertainment, Gay, Jobert Sucaldito, Joke, Large Intestine, Media, Pinoy, R-18, Rectum, Salad, Satire, Showbiz, Talk Show, Vegan, Vegetable| 203 Comments

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:massmoon::funa::funny:

**xoom** · May 23rd, 2009 11:14 AM

wahahahahahahaaaa!!!! anak ka ng teteng jobert, gumagawa ka ng salad na nakahubo???

this is one of the people in showbiz land that irritates me the most. the others are cristy fermin, annabelle rama and the likes. feeling nila the world owes them sh*t, so if things like these happen to them ang masasabi ko lang....

buti hindi durian salad ang ginawa mo, kamote ka

**s_quilicot** · May 23rd, 2009 11:15 AM

buti hindi sa vicente sotto hospital sa cebu dinala yan. :bwahaha:

**uls** · May 23rd, 2009 11:33 AM

"Gumagawa kasi ako ng salad. Napaupo ako dun sa chair e meron palang pipino dun na patayo ang pusisyon. Basta, mabilis kasi ang mga pangyayari (I was making a salad. I sat on a chair but there was a cucumber there in an upright position. Everything just happened so fast)" he said.

Members of Sucaldito's household who declined to be named said they recovered the other half of the cucumber, also five inches in length, in Sucaldito's bedroom.

They said it had "bite marks" and was in a "soggy" state.

Besides the cucumber, they said they also found "a bottle of Johnson's baby oil, pictures of scantily clad men, and lots of tissue paper."

gumagawa ng salad?

sa bedroom?

Johnson's baby oil para sa salad?

hindi olive oil?

**c_cube** · May 23rd, 2009 11:33 AM

may paa yun cucumber. marunong tumayo

**badkuk** · May 23rd, 2009 01:10 PM

*sigh* sana hindi na lang siya nag comment.

how the heck can a cucumber stand upright on its own?

hindi naman ako botanist, but what the heck was that cucumber made of? did he freeze it at sub zero temperatures?

baby oil on salad?

maybe there's a double meaning to the word "salad" B)

afaik there are cases more extreme than this -- e.g. hair brushes(note, brush, not comb) stuck up someone's a__ . a cucumber i can understand; a brush? geez...