HELP: Married but in a dilemma

[real life]

I'm a longtime member but i forgot my username kaya't new member ulit. I've posted this thread in another forum but all i got was a bashing. I want to know mga suggestions naman from a different point of view naman. My story goes like this....

I had along time friend who recently came back to my life . I had been an ardent suitor of hers during our school days, unfortunately, hindi naging kami. Well siguro hindi pa tapos yung chapter na iyon sa buhay namin dahil after 15 years and now that we’re both married we became close friends. Although she works abroad, we always see to it na magkita kami when she’s in town. We go out on casual dates, and the two of us even went to tagaytay last time. We are now in a similar situation. It seems both of our marriage turned or is turning sour. Although she’s in a more dire strait situation dahil hindi na halos sila nagkikita ng hubby niya and she wants freedom from him na. My situation naman is that medyo na-pressured lang ako to get married and now I’m feeling the consequences of it all.

The thing is, I’m madly falling for her once again. I know its for real. I just don’t care if she’s married and has 2 kids na. Here’s the situation I’m in now.


* The last time we went out, kinuwento niya sa akin true status of her married life, that she wants out of her marriage. She added that if only she could turn back time, she wouldn’t had married her philandering husband. I too confessed to her about the “secret” status of my married life. I, too want out. Although di ko naman sinasabi na siya ang reasons dito. I just think that somehow she doesn’t believe my story. Her actions tell that.

• During the holidays I sent her a card somehow signifying my “intentions” . I said that no matter what, Ill always be there for her. And that I’ve many things to say to her, I just dunno how to say it. She replied thru email that she was very touched with my message and her parting words was “ DO YOU MEAN EVERYTHING”. Is she trully interested din ba?

• Recently during the course of our txt exchange, regarding pa rin dun sa mga touching messages ko, part of her message was “ YOU CONFUSE ME…. IF ONLY… " What does she mean by this?

• I replied by telling her that I have so many things to say sana regarding my true feelings for her. Its just that I’m just too afraid of its consequences. How it might affect our friendship and eventually losing her after it. She stressed that when she comes back she wants us to personally talk all about it.


**just received this from her thru overseas txt ; "hi kumusta, alam mo napanaginipan kita last nite, In my dream, my mom asked me to live with you. She's giving me the assurance that you can love me more dan (name of her hubby), sabi ko nga sa mom ko both of us are married now kaya di na pwede tapos sabi niya ok lang daw yun... weird noh"

women they're so unpredictable. what could this new msg from her symbolize

**
I’m at a lose right now. Ito na kaya ang chance ko para maging kami? Or are we meant just to be “close friends”? Should I say everything how I feel for her or just let it as it is na lang? If only I can read her mind.

[Sarsi]

express what you really feel, but prepare for the consequences of your action. as what the others said in the other thread, it is better to say your intentions rather than keeping it to yourself. WHAT IF is the magic word here, but i'll tell you again, your case is a complicated one. trust your instinct

just my 2 cents

[Picard]

If you go on with that affair without fixing things first with your own marriages, baka karmahin lang po kayo lalo na pareho na po kayong may anak.

Time is not so short for you guys..imagine, after longing for each other for 15 years, tsaka lang pala kayo magkakatagpo ulit. If it will take her another 15 years to have her and your own marriages annuled, I think its worth the wait for a lifetime of guilt-free realationship. Hindi pa kayo nagkasala sa mga asawa niyo o sa kahit sino man. Di po ba?

[low_profile2]

yup i agree with bro picard..ayusin nyo muna yung mga problems nyo then go for it..mas maganda yung walang masasagasaan..at least malinis concience nyo..i wish both of you the best bro..

[claRkEnt]

IMO, the story is one-sided. Well, you have mentioned everything about you and the girl, but you failed to mention about your WIFE and your kids. You are talking about your future. How about theirs? You failed to mention the AFTERLIFE of the other people involved in the story. Please consider that their (your family) involvement in this story is a result of your decision before you got married.

this will be a big mess you are getting into.

[zero]

may anak ka na ba sa iyong asawa?
are you ready to abandon them for your found long lost friend/love?
they will be ones who will suffer in the end.

i've been in this situation before kasi.
after attending our high school reunion 5 yrs. ago... met my high school sweetheart... bla..bla..bla... and after all the mess i got into,
i chose to be with wife and my children, live a peaceful life.

try also to talk with your elders/priest/pastor.

advice ko lang..
don't get too excited with her, baka after 2 years with her, you'll feel sorry din (pareho din pala sila ni misis mo).

[chuaed]

what happens to "I take you (name) to be my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health for as long as we both shall live." something like that?

alam mo kung ganoon sana noon pa siya na pinakasalan mo... just place yourself in your wife shoes, isipin mo kung ganyan gagawin niya sa iyo...

kung totoo kaibigan mo siya bigayan mo siya ng respeto na whag mo na siya gulohin dahil may familya na siya...

gawin lang ang tama...

eto nalang isipin mo what if nalaman ng husband niya na naglalampungan kayo tapos may BARIL pala siya!!! isipin mo hindi niya gagamitin iyun?

[the_wildthing]

What you need is counselling. The initial euphoria of a new mate wears off. Marriage takes work.

If that doesn't work, get your marriage annulled para malinis, walang bigamy.

If after all the hassle, ok pa rin kayo, kayo naman ang magpakasal, just don't do it all over again.

[empy]

i can sympathize because i've been in sucky relationships. was never married to any of them though.

one word of caution - if both of you go through it, neither of you should be surprised if the other one cheats on you or leaves you for another person.

[kimpOy]

pare turn the boat around...

eto na lang isipin mo...put your wife in your shoes...
gusto mo ba nakikipag flirt siya sa friend niya....

[AnuVaYan]

Bukod sa problema ninyong mga matatanda. May isa ka pang dapat i consider... Tatanggapin ba siya ng mga anak mo? Tatanggapin ka din ba ng mga anak niya? Kung oo, good for you two, pero kung hindi, malamang dadagdag lang ang mga bata sa populasyon ng mga batang nagrerebelde at kulang sa pansin.

[FrankDrebin]

Ego at Libog lang yan. May kasalanan ba ang asawa mo para gawin mo yan?

[mazdamazda]

Hindi na pinagiisipan yan.

You are already married. Be a man and stick with your wife.

[ts1n1ta]

My 2 cents..

Well, i think you're confusing her more. She's more vulnerable at this point. The dream she had was just her subconscious wanting to b with you. She wants confirmation badly which she got through a dream. That dream doesn't mean anything.

The fact that she's married now...and you're married now...means that your chance to be with each other have passed. I'm in no place to judge but if you are seriously considering of leaving your wife I hope that you would do everything first to fix the problem in your marriage and not leave her just because you're not happy with her anymore.

Be a friend to her sa ngayon. She needs someone that she could trust.

[dennis powell]

think about it twice,trice or many times before you go for it,,,ano kayang mangyayari sa mga anak ko at mga anak nya kung maging kami?ano kayang magiging future nila?kakasya kaya ang income namin para sa suporta ng anak ko at anak nya? isa lang ito sa mga tanong na dapat mong isipin,,advise lang ito brod.

[wavecxs]

before i got married i heard someone said "love is a decision". naisip ko parang di tama, di ba love is a 'feeling'.. pero when i proposed and finally got married narealise ko yung meaning nun.

you decide to love someone, you decide to be with someone stick with her no matter what, take care of her.. those were my decision when i marry my wife. why did my previous relationship didnt worked out? well because i though of love as feelings.. feelings fade, flame dies... but decisions last.

You decide to marry you wife man, I suggest you stick with that decision.

just my two cents.

[Jun aka Pekto]

I'm the old-fashioned type. So............

Don't do it. I too was pressured by my mom to marry some daughter of her rich friend's I've never even met. But, I resisted to the point that my mom and I have been estranged. We've never seen each other for 12 years now and it's still ongoing.

I wasn't about to commit my life to a woman I've never even met. Now, I'm happily married. There's an emptyness because of the feud between my mom and I. But, life goes on. If I have to bear that burden for life, then so be it. But, I will put my family first before myself.

In your case, if there's any fixing to be done, it's your own marriage. You have kids. Your priority should be them. Your marriage must have worked out at some point. Otherwise, you wouldn't have any kids. It's up to you two to recapture that point. I don't think a forum is the best place this. A marriage counselor would have the skill and tools to guide you two.

But remember. The only thing worse than one broken home is two broken homes. That's what's going to happen if you keep it up with your HS friend. There's going to be a lot of unhappy and angry people, especially the kids. Again at this stage, the priority is not your happiness anymore but your kids'. They should be your focus above all else. You and your wife will just have to patch things up.

My 2 cents....

[chieffy]

isipin mo ang kapakanan ng 2 anak ng friend mo...kung ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon ng mga anak, gusto mo bang maging broken family kayo?

kung ikaw rin ang nasa katayuan ng misis mo, gusto mo rin pa ipagpalit ka sa ibang lalaki?

ayusin mo na lang married life mo...

[nigo]

Hindi na pinagiisipan yan.

You are already married. Be a man and stick with your wife.

I agree! wag mong isipin ang sarili mong kaligayahan, isipin mo rin ang mangyayari sa asawa at mga anak mo.

[oliver1013]

DONT DO IT!! Sa akin lang to ha...Once nagkaanak ka na everything becomes secondary, yung kilig sa katawan ko,yung pansariling mga panagarap ko, yung mags at mods ng kotse ko etc!!! Para sakin kung masasaktan din lang ang anak ko kahit ako naman nasa heaven... WAG NALANG!! Yung wife baka pwede pa pero mga bata NO WAY..unless yung asawa mo ang nagloloko at yung mga bata ang gusto na maghiwalay na kayo(ibang usapan na yun).