Article: Why Do **Some** Filipinos Assume That Their Well-Off Relatives Will.....

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Why Do **Some** Filipinos Assume That Their Well-Off Relatives Will Take Care of Them? | Definitely Filipino?

Why Do **Some** Filipinos Assume That Their Well-Off Relatives Will Take Care of Them?
Steven Macon / September 13, 2011


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I started working at age 14 in a gas station in Texas for 55 cents an hour. The next year I progressed into a grocery store job for $1.11 an hour. This was in 1966. I am an American and a Texan, married to a wonderful Filipina for almost 21 years now and I submit this article in hopes of getting some genuine answers to my question. We have had a series of events in our family that are both troubling and puzzling and frankly, I just don’t get it.

While my wife and I were still living in Texas, we used to get those middle of the night, collect, phone calls from family members calling us from the Philippines. The reason for their calling was always the same. They wanted money. There was always a LONG, sad story, accompanied by crying, more story telling and yet more crying. All this was usually taking place at about 4 AM, Central Standard Time in the USA. Despite what we told them about the time difference between the Philippines and the USA, they continued to call us at weird hours. Anyway, the first request, as I recall, was my wife’s favorite, (at that time), sister, telling us that she had to wash clothes for other people by hand from sun up to sun down to earn enough money to pay her bills and buy food. I told my wife to send her some money, quite a bit of money. Later, when we vacationed in Cebu City, in 2004, my wife set up a joint checking account for her and this sister and told her that it was for her to pay her bills, buy food and for emergency use and not to be squandered foolishly and that we when we returned in 2005, we would get with her and see how much money was still in it. Now we are talking pesos, of course, but as I recall, there was the equivalent amount of about $5,000 that we had put in there for her to use. When we returned in 2005, she refused to talk to us about the account, hid the bank pass book and was acting very secretive about the whole thing. We went to the bank and found out that the account only had a remaining balance of 300 pesos! What the…!!?#* My wife went to her house and confronted her and she still refused to give us any explanation and then her grown son got into it and a shouting match ensued, all in Cebuano, of course. We left.

We returned to the Philippines, to Cebu, to take vacations in 2006, 2007. We finally retired to the Philippines in March of 2009. Immediately, when all the relatives found out we were here for good, we got the following requests: (1) to put one of my wife’s sisters boys thru police academy, (2) to pay off a niece’s debt with neighborhood loan sharks totaling 18,000 pesos, (3) to pay for most of the expense of a nephew’s upcoming wedding, (4) to buy a new pump boat for my wife’s youngest sister’s husband to go fishing with, (5) to give the middle sister enough money, around 20,000 pesos, to finish the remodeling of her home, (6) about a dozen requests from my mother-in-laws for money, no particular reason,…because it was well known that she BLEW her 2 pension checks about 3 days after receiving them each month. And on and on…those are just SOME of the request, actually DEMANDS, that were made, by no means all of them.



One sister of my wife started nursing school way back when but got pregnant and dropped out…her middle sister started college but also dropped out to get married…her one brother started college to become an engineer but dropped out…her baby sister actually finished college and has a degree in chemical engineering but married the star basketball player from high school and started having babies. So…the way I see it, each of them had their chance to make something of themselves and failed to capitalize on their opportunity. Now…NONE of them have a checking account, a savings account, a car, what Americans would call a “home”, or any of the creature comforts that we Americans so casually take for granted like hot water and air conditioning and a good bed with a mattress to sleep on.



WHY do these people and other Filipinos we have met assume that it is our duty to support them and take care of them? We worked like dogs, my wife and I, in the USA. When I met my wife, we were both working a full time, 40 hour a week job and a part time job, just to keep our heads above water, financially. I have always worked. I have never been on government supported welfare ever and neither has my wife. She was gone from the Philippines for 35 years and was shocked beyond belief at what her brother and sisters had become…in effect, bums, liars, and beggars. Truly disappointing, to put it mildly. Now she stays upset ALL the time because of their demands and their attitudes. NO ONE ever just calls us on the phone to see how we are doing. It is always a request for money. Not too surprisingly, we have cut off all contact with most of them. There are 63 relatives of my wife that live close to us. They don’t come around any more since we quit handing out money. So…where does this idea stem from that one member of the family, who HAS made something of themselves, who HAS worked, saved, and been careful with their money owe it to the less wise, the less monetarily endowed, to support them and even their grown children??? I cannot even imagine asking my brother in the states for money, especially not over and over again, like they do here in the Philippines. Can someone please explain this phenomenon to me?

Hehehe... quite typical indeed. That's what i think of when i encounter foreigners out at the mall or at a restaurant with what seems to be the entire ankan of his Pinay GF/wife. :D It may not only apply to foreigners but to relatives based abroad whom some people think they grow money on trees. They don't realize na buhay kayod din yan sa abroad for most. The best way to treat these types is to just say no and keep distance... for sure you'll see your kamaganaks dwindle by the numbers and you will see whom indeed are your real relatives and friends.

The most we would do to our close friends (not even relatives) who come in from abroad to visit is to egg them to treat us to dinner... in which we turn the tables by not letting him/her pay when the bill comes (although at times they really insist on footing the bill, in which we obliged and return the favor by treating them out later on).

[Ry_Tower]

^ Typical nga ganyan. really sad but true, dami kasi pinoy na tamad, ayaw magbanat nang buto.

Isa pang typical eh yung aasa sa padala nang magulang kahit pamilyado. Yung tipong wala trabaho kesyo ganito ganyan. Hindi naman nagdedemand pero PALAMUNIN talaga.

[bagugab]

same experience here :D . byenan ko nasa US nag wowork pero ni minsan hindi ako humingi sa kanila. in fact, tinanggihan ko nga(politely) yung offer na ipepetition nila kami. We have a small business( capital galing sa kanila) pero talagang pinagtyagaan namin ng asawa ko na palaguin yun. What's bad is yung mga kapatid ng byenan ko ay lahat inaasa sa kanya yung lahat ng gastos nila sa pamilya nila. Pati kami nadadamay kesyo lahat ng padala sa amin lang nakakarating. WT_?.

[1D4LV]

i would really agree with this.
most of the time kasi ang iniisip nila madaling mamuhay sa ibang bansa... ang akala nila, umuulan ng pera dun.. so di na sila kumakayod dito. expectations nila, may sasalo sa kanila.

[Monseratto]

Di lang Filipinos, pati mga Chinese families have this problem. My relatives are expecting us to foot their medical bills. Family "bonds" among asian are strong...

[falken]

Family "bonds" among asian are strong...

And the kapalmuks take advantage of it.

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[Altis6453]

Sounds awfully like the situation my Australian client encountered when he met his wife's folks in Pampanga.

Everytime we meet, he'd refer to his mother-in-law and brother-in-law as criminals and extortionists.

He gave them a ton of cash to "finish building a house" which he learned later on was used for mahjong by the mother-in-law. The brother-in-law used part of the money to bet on illegal cockfighting matches and lost about Php 100k, when the money was supposed to be used to pay off the various debts the family incurred.

Solution? He reconsidered his retirement here and retired in Brisbane with his Pinay wife instead. Oh, and he had their phone numbers changed so they wouldn't be bothered by sob stories coming in at 4am.

I think its a bit more common when a pinay marries a foreigner. There is this assumption that the foreigner is rich and can solve all their money problems.

[uls]

ang tingin ng pinoy sa foreigner ATM

[Ry_Tower]

And the kapalmuks take advantage of it.

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Sinabi mo pa. Wife ko may nabentahan nang pearls na kamag-anak nila from las vegas, 6 digit deal yun. Since yung pinsan niya nagbanggit na puwede kami makakuha nang mura dito, sa amin pinaka-usap. Out of delicadeza and good will, maganda binigay ni wifey na share dun sa pinsan niya kasi nga ito yung nag-reto. Ang siste, gusto pa pala patungan prize ni wifey kasi gusto nang mas malaking comission. Grabe hindi na naisip na autine nila yung lulukuhin. kami nga ni wifey nagpakahirap mag-haggle tapo siya pal gusto nang iba pang-bonus. Inaway pa wife ko at mom niya. After noon sabi ko kay wife na never talk to them again until they ask for forgiveness. The hell with burning bridgers from them.

Kapalmuks talaga nang iba, kadugo na lagi na ngang hinihingian, gusto pa lukuhin.

[falken]

Sinabi mo pa. Wife ko may nabentahan nang pearls na kamag-anak nila from las vegas, 6 digit deal yun. Since yung pinsan niya nagbanggit na puwede kami makakuha nang mura dito, sa amin pinaka-usap. Out of delicadeza and good will, maganda binigay ni wifey na share dun sa pinsan niya kasi nga ito yung nag-reto. Ang siste, gusto pa pala patungan prize ni wifey kasi gusto nang mas malaking comission. Grabe hindi na naisip na autine nila yung lulukuhin. kami nga ni wifey nagpakahirap mag-haggle tapo siya pal gusto nang iba pang-bonus. Inaway pa wife ko at mom niya. After noon sabi ko kay wife na never talk to them again until they ask for forgiveness. The hell with burning bridgers from them.

Kapalmuks talaga nang iba, kadugo na lagi na ngang hinihingian, gusto pa lukuhin.

It's better not to have anymore contact with these kind of relatives.

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