My wife found out about my affair

[twistedmind]

Hello everyone. Before you all condemn me, I admit its my fault my mistake and no reason can justify me having an affair.

We are married for 9 years and are blessed with 2 lovely children both boys 9 and 4. We are happy as a family, we often go outings and every sunday is a family day. Just like the common reason medyo neglected ako ng wife ko, when i go home ask lang sya kung kumain na ako and that's it, she continues watching tv na, all the house chores mga maid na ang gumagawa ng decision, wala kasi hilig ang wife ko sa mga gawain bahay.

We also have a problem with each other, our physical intimacy has gone down to almost zero for the last 4 years we only made love less than 5 times and there was a year na completely zero. Lagi sya pagod, tinatamad, wala sa mood or inaantok, in fairness wala naman sya 3rd party. But inspite of that hindi naman ako nag rebelde by going to clubs and bars, work bahay pa din ako until one day may nakilala ako isang girl na friend ng barkada ko. Madalas na ako sumasama sa kanila pagumaalis sila whether mall lang or eat out. Then naging close kami nitong other girl.

Our affair started early last year and a few months ago my wife found out about it and hindi na din ako naka deny dahil may mga common friends kami nagsabi na din sa knya. The problem is hindi ko agad nabitiwan ang girl so after a month pinalayas ako ng wife ko sa condo ko, umalis na lang din ako dahil ayaw ko mga kids ko sa in law ko lumipat. But every weekends and no classes dun sila sa in laws ko nag stay para hindi ko sila mapuntahan sa condo. During schooldays naman hindi ko din sila pwde visit sa condo paguwi nila kasi nandun na din wife ko. I just go to their school and nakakasama ko sila for 10 min. papunta ng parking lot.
But lately ayaw hindi na nila ako pinapansin coz mom said may ibang gf na daw ako and hindi ko sila love and better forget their dad and if nalaman na kinausap nila ako hindi sila isasama mamasyal.

I hate myself for entering into that relationship and for not ending it, now hindi ko na makasama mga anak ko. Sobra pa naman kaming close lalo both boys. Almost 4 months na kami hiwalay and now sem break na hindi ko nakikita mga kids. Sabi ng in law ko kung gusto ko mag demanda daw ako and hindi sila natatakot, mdyo well off kasi sila and have lots of political friends so they know very well i'm not capable of doing it. I've lost 20 lbs the last 2 months and i don't know the meaning of smile na.

There's no one to blame except me and ito ang consequence ng nagawa ko. I have no parents and siblings so now I'm all alone. Ayaw na din ng wife ko makipag usap sa akin and I've went to a marriage counsellor Fr. Dave Clay and sabi nya he needs to talk to my wife too dahil may problem na daw ang marriage namin even before my affair pero ayaw mag reply ng wife ko sa invitation nya. Sobrang hirap and depressed ako everyday, wala naman ako magawa dahil ayaw na din ako kausapin ng wife ko.

Anyone have the same problem before?? Or may alam ba kayo support groups with same problems like me?

My fault, My mistake My stupidity.

[Flagg]

Mods, request edit for proper paragraph spacing. Ang hirap nito basahin.

Yung mga kakilala ko na ganyan story, they ligaw the old wife hanggang friends na sila. So they get to see the kids na. Tapos, at the same time, they made new kids with the new wife.

It's really no biggy sir. Just swallow your pride and stalk the old lady.

[_Cathy_]

What you did is wrong but I somehow feel for you because you don't have parents and siblings to support you. Your wife and children are your only family and now they're mad at you. I hope you could still patch things up with your wife but I think your wife shouldn't involve your kids in your problem. What she is doing to you is emotional blackmail by turning the kids against you. That is really immature.

Is your wife a housewife? If she is then I think you're not the only one to blame. Like you mentioned you have helpers at home, I think the least that she could do is to take care of you since you provide for the family. If your wife works then I think you should have been more understanding as to why she cannot take care of you really well. I'm single and I cannot imagine working and taking care of the family at the same time that's why I applaud working moms who take care of their families well. What is it about *** anyway? It's supposed to be good but howcome your wife isn't so enthusiatic about it?

I think the best thing would be to ask help from people close to your wife to help you patch things up. Kawawa din kasi your children. And I agree with Flagg try to woo your wife again. Flowers, chocolates, bags, love letters, jewelries - the works. Walang matimtimang birhen sa matiyagang manalangin.

[boybi]

Ang tanong, does your wife still loves you? From your story, sabi mo neglected ka na ng wife mo, and no ***?!?! She may have just used your affair to get away from you.

[aga_cruz]

yup tama si sir boybi mahirap kasi pag wala ng feeling ang esmi mo sayo or sa madaling salita sawa na? bukod dun sir wala na ba kayo ibang pinagaawayan o pinagtatalunan?

[twistedmind]

yup tama si sir boybi mahirap kasi pag wala ng feeling ang esmi mo sayo or sa madaling salita sawa na? bukod dun sir wala na ba kayo ibang pinagaawayan o pinagtatalunan?

wala naman, excpt the ordinary simple away pero not very big deal and very seldom lang din.

[georgeousairess]

ganun haaay maaus din yan

[Dahlia]

We all make mistakes in life. I hope your wife can forgive you for all the hurt and pain you have cause her. The only way you can talk to her is to wait until everything cools off. Discussing these sitution with your wife right now will be very difficult for her. I am hoping that she is very understanding wait and see how it goes. Talk to her your side of the story maybe she will understand. If not then it is time to move on. Get a good lawyer and since the Philippines does not have any divorce go for the visitation rights. Explain to your kids about the situation hopefully they will understand. We are all humans. My husband did the same thing we are now separated It hurt like hell I went through the pain for one year and finally i have to forgive him we end up being friends no string attached just good friends. It takes two to tangle I do not blame him but I do not blame myself either. He just told me he does not love me anymore after thirty years of marriage. In the end I was very happy that it ended this way as i am enjoying my life now traveling and finding alot of things to do without him telling me what to do. I am still young to enjoy life without him a new found freedom with pizzas It can work if you stay friendly. Evidently she is not ready to accept of what happenned. I am not a saint but we can lived with the circumstances. Our life changes the older we get the smarter we think. You did cross that line but who are we to judge only god can judge all of us.

wala naman, excpt the ordinary simple away pero not very big deal and very seldom lang din.

[creepy]

Ang tanong, does your wife still loves you? From your story, sabi mo neglected ka na ng wife mo, and no ***?!?! She may have just used your affair to get away from you.

Very possible.

[lymar07]

sir twisted mind, i commend you for your courage to inform the world of your misconduct...although we don't know you personally, you have trusted the members of tsikot.com and have let us in to your personal predicament. i bow before you for doing this (not alot of people would even admit their faults...i've been there before)

with this, i would say that you have done the first step to repenting and humbling yourself (i hope your wife sees your message here...i truly hope). and to me, you're a "true blue" guy...i know you mean well - with yourself and with your family.

i don't want to take much of this forum's space but my bottomline is - "Pray like you never prayed before", my friend. believe me, it works!

PM (meron ba nito dito?) me if you want us to talk.

God bless you and your family

[twistedmind]

sir twisted mind, i commend you for your courage to inform the world of your misconduct...although we don't know you personally, you have trusted the members of tsikot.com and have let us in to your personal predicament. i bow before you for doing this (not alot of people would even admit their faults...i've been there before)

with this, i would say that you have done the first step to repenting and humbling yourself (i hope your wife sees your message here...i truly hope). and to me, you're a "true blue" guy...i know you mean well - with yourself and with your family.

i don't want to take much of this forum's space but my bottomline is - "Pray like you never prayed before", my friend. believe me, it works!

PM (meron ba nito dito?) me if you want us to talk.

God bless you and your family

I believe there's PM but after you reach a certain number of posts. ( right mods?) I know the members here can give sensible advise and sometimes it is better to seek advise from people who don't know you as it will be very impartial to both sides.

[twistedmind]

sir twisted mind, i commend you for your courage to inform the world of your misconduct...although we don't know you personally, you have trusted the members of tsikot.com and have let us in to your personal predicament. i bow before you for doing this (not alot of people would even admit their faults...i've been there before)

with this, i would say that you have done the first step to repenting and humbling yourself (i hope your wife sees your message here...i truly hope). and to me, you're a "true blue" guy...i know you mean well - with yourself and with your family.

i don't want to take much of this forum's space but my bottomline is - "Pray like you never prayed before", my friend. believe me, it works!

PM (meron ba nito dito?) me if you want us to talk.

God bless you and your family

yup need all the help and advice i can get especially if you've been in similar situation before. What's your e-mail address? thanks

[[archie]]

Ang tanong, does your wife still loves you? From your story, sabi mo neglected ka na ng wife mo, and no ***?!?! She may have just used your affair to get away from you.

im not married as well but from the story that she does not do her part keeping the relationship alive... well i have to agree with boybi's statement.

[twistedmind]

Ang tanong, does your wife still loves you? From your story, sabi mo neglected ka na ng wife mo, and no ***?!?! She may have just used your affair to get away from you.

Actually the marriage counsellor said in his opinion my wife might have even pushed me to have an affair so as now she has a very good reason to separate from me.

[Memphis Raines]

I won't rub salt into your wound nor will I be a high and mighty sinless man.

Your wife was also part of the problem which led you to the affair. Lack luster, no sparks, passive attitude will get her nowhere in my book too. Even I have needs that I have to satisfy so in your case since was not part of the solution, she was part of the problem.

Being away from your boys is mental torture enough and for me her deliberate efforts to take them away from you is downright heartless with dire consequences on the poor kids.

They (in-laws) have easily brainwashed your boys and what your wife is doing is illegal since you have the right to periodically see your boys being their biological father.

You should take this issue to court and demand visitation time with your boys.

.

[safeorigin]

negotiate, pardon and comeback

[twistedmind]

I won't rub salt into your wound nor will I be a high and mighty sinless man.

Your wife was also part of the problem which led you to the affair. Lack luster, no sparks, passive attitude will get her nowhere in my book too. Even I have needs that I have to satisfy so in your case since was not part of the solution, she was part of the problem.

Being away from your boys is mental torture enough and for me her deliberate efforts to take them away from you is downright heartless with dire consequences on the poor kids.

They (in-laws) have easily brainwashed your boys and what your wife is doing is illegal since you have the right to periodically see your boys being their biological father.

You should take this issue to court and demand visitation time with your boys.

.

Yup, my mother in law takes the kids to the arcade very often and then buys them what they want. And she tells them gusto mo ba sa daddy mo who cannot buy you whatever you want? One time my 9yr old told me they happen to pass by my shop and he told her lola can she go down wo see me, sabi daw ng lola cge gusto mo sumama ka na sa daddy mo walang kwenta, baboy yan. Then as they passing in front of my shop, tinakpan daw ng lola ang mata nya and told him wag ka tumingin baka makita mo yun daddy mo.

AS for bringing them to court, that's what my in law said that if I want to see my kids I go file a complaint. They have the money and the political friends and as we all know how the judicial system here works.

[mark_t]

I also agree with boybi's line of thought, it is not your fault.The problem was there all along. Mag umpisa ka uli, malaki na (eldest) anak mo and soon they could trust their own sensibilities. Do the right thing and file for visitation rights better if you can have it annulled so you can both start all over again.

Dump your kerida too, you dont really love her you were just lonely. Be fair.
Maybe all you need right now is booty calls.

Dont fight with your inlaws, kawawa mga bata. Alam naman nila tama at mali and mapapansin din ng bata kahit ang mali. Get your visitation rights and spoil them rotten when they are with you.

AS for bringing them to court, that's what my in law said that if I want to see my kids I go file a complaint. They have the money and the political friends and as we all know how the judicial system here works.

Come on! You believe them?

Tanong eh, mahal ka ba talaga ng asawa mo? Be fair set her free.

[mark_t]

And differentiate, dont play their game.

Dont say anything bad about them. (wife's family)

Your boy's will always love you, just find ways to see them.

[Gen. Miting]

Yup, my mother in law takes the kids to the arcade very often and then buys them what they want. And she tells them gusto mo ba sa daddy mo who cannot buy you whatever you want? One time my 9yr old told me they happen to pass by my shop and he told her lola can she go down wo see me, sabi daw ng lola cge gusto mo sumama ka na sa daddy mo walang kwenta, baboy yan. Then as they passing in front of my shop, tinakpan daw ng lola ang mata nya and told him wag ka tumingin baka makita mo yun daddy mo.

.

this is the problem.

your wife got tired of being bombarded with discriminating comments from your rich in-laws. your wife gave in to your in-laws and re-evaluated her life with you. she realized that yun na nga you are the "loser" that your in-laws are portraying you to be. now the question is, who are your wife's closest girl friends? are they as rich or as successful as your rich in-laws. if so, then that wrapped it up.

now your kids are being brainwashed. and it's working bec. your in-laws are buying them things that you cant buy.

so what are you going to do?

sometimes, if you really love the wife and kids and want the blessings of the in-laws. you just have to do what they want. the only way to beat them is not to meet their expectations, but to exceed their expectations.

so wala ka na talaga magagawa kungdi magpayaman. it's hard to swallow, i agree. kasi parang pinipilit ka sa hindi mo gusto and you're now a victim of langit at lupa TV mentality. and the hardest part, is you'll never know when it can happen or if it will happen -> you being rich.

and even if you got as rich as Henry Sy, there is still the stigma of your infidelity.

but i'm sure if you perfected the getting rich part, the solution to the stigma part is as easy as taking a candy from a baby.