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  1. Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    181
    #251
    3 tang* nakatakas sa mental, sa kanilang pagtakas may nakita silang lumang bahay. pagpasok nakita nila na walang gamit maliban sa isang kwarto at isang kama. pagkatapos mag usap ng 3 nisipan na nilang matulog muna.

    tang*1: ano bayan ang sikip ng kama ah.

    tang*2: o nga eh, bumaba yung isa para d sobrang sikip.

    tang*3: sige ako na bababa

    nang makababa na.. . .

    tang*1: ayun d na masikip.

    tang*2: o nga eh. cge tol pede ka na bumalik dito maluwag na.

  2. Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    181
    #252
    eto pa.

    si juan, pedro, at ismael namatayng sabay2 at sa pagpunta nila sa langit nakasulubong si san pedro.

    SP: juan, pedro at ismael, nung kayo ay nabubuhay pa marami kayong ginawang masama sa lupa, makakapasok lamang kayo sa langit kung mamimitas kayo ng prutas, kailangan ko ng sampung piraso bawat isa sa inyo.

    unang naka balik si juan dala2 ay chico.

    SP: para ka makapasok sa langit juan, dapat mo ipasok sa pwet mo ang sampung chico na hindi ka mag iingay o tumawa.

    sinubukan na ni juan, pagdating sa ikatlong piraso d na nya nakaya at napa aray siya..

    SP: d ka na pwede dito sa langit. sa impyerno ka na babagsak.

    siya namang pagdating ni pedro, dala2 ay ubas. .

    J: sasa isip ( swerte ng mokong na to, liliit ng mga ubas)

    mabilis na na gawa ni pedro ang pagpasok ng ubas dahil maliit lamang ang mga to, hanggang sa kahuli hulihang ubas na lng ang natira atsa d maipaliwanag na dahilan e tumawa si pedro ng pagkalakas lakas.

    SP: malapit mo na sanang malampasan pedro isang ubas na lng bakit ka tumawa?

    J: oo nga naman pedro bat ka kasi tumawa?

    P: panong d ako tatawa? eh nakita ko si ismael paparating at may dala dalang durian

  3. Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    181
    #253
    Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman are having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room,

    everyone calls him ‘Father.’” The second Catholic man chirps: “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace.’”

    The third Catholic gent says: “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says, ‘Your Eminence.’” The fourth Catholic man then brags:

    “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him: ‘Your Holiness.’” Seeing that the lone Catholic woman was just sipping her

    coffee in silence throughout their conversation, the four men give her a subtle, “Well?” To which she proudly replies: “I have a daughter: slim, tall,

    38D breasts, 24” waist and 34” hips. When she walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh My God.’”

  4. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,346
    #254
    ^ talo lahat yung pari.........:hysterical:

  5. Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    405
    #255
    Mommy1: Ano ang pinapainum mo sa baby mo?
    Mommy2: “promil” para sa matatag na pangarap
    Mommy3: “bonakid” para batang may laban! …eh ikaw?
    .
    .
    .
    Mommy1: “emperador” para sa totoong tagumpay!
    --------------------------------------------------

    Isang robot na naimbento na robot ng humuhuli ng mga magnanakaw

    pinadala ang robot sa japan
    after 1 day
    nakahuli ang robot ng 10 magnanaka
    pinadala ang robot sa america
    after 1 day
    nakahuli ang robot ng 20 magnanakaw
    pinadala ang robot sa pilipinas
    after 10 minutes
    nanakaw ang robot!!
    ------------------------------------

    Boy: hayop ka! gnwa m akong tao-taohan s sakahan! pro sahod ko hnd tumataas! kung ma2tay ako sinong mgppakain ng pamilya ko, ikw??
    Amo:englishin mo pra taasan ko ang sahod mo!
    .
    .
    Boy: animal you! person-person me in the farm, my salary did not climb! if I die, who will eat my family!? YOU!??
    ----------------------------------------------------

    G: Knock! knock!
    B: who's there?
    G: dota ba oh girlfriend mong walang panty?
    B: dota ba oh girlfriend mong walang panty WHO?
    G: dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me, dota ba oh girlfriend mong walang panty? dont cha. xD
    ----------------------------------------------------------

    NANAY: anak ang bait mo nmn cmula ng makalabas ka sa mental pinuno mo na ng tanim i2ng bakuran natin... bakit mo nga pla pinupuno ng halaman ang bakuran natin?
    -
    -
    -
    ANAK: A HUGE WAVE OF ZOMBIES IS APPROACHING!!!
    ----------------------------------------------------

  6. Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    703
    #256
    Tatay1: Pare, nakaktatlong asawa na ako.
    Tatay2: Bakit pare? anong nangyari sa una?
    Tatay1: Nalason - kakakain ng tuyo.
    Tatay2: Eh yung pangalawa?
    Tatay1: Nalason din kakakain ng tuyo.
    Tatay2: Eh ung pangatlo nalason din kaya namatay?
    Tatay1: Hindi, pumutok ang ulo.
    Tatay2: Bakit naman?
    Tatay1: Ayaw kumain ng tuyo eh!

  7. Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    3,643
    #257
    The Arab Dog vs. the Israeli Dog



    The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they
    continued fighting, they would someday end up
    destroying the whole world. So, they decided
    to settle their dispute with an ancient practice:
    A duel of two, like David and Goliath. This duel
    would be a dog fight.

    The negotiators agreed each side would take 5
    years to develop the best fighting dog they
    could. The dog that won the fight would earn its
    people the right to rule the disputed areas.
    The losing side would have to lay down its
    arms for good.

    The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Doberman's
    and Rottweiler's in the world. They bred them
    together and then crossed their offspring with
    the meanest Siberian wolves.

    They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy
    of each litter, fed it the best food and killed
    all the other puppies. They used steroids and
    trainers in their quest for the perfect killing
    machine. And after the 5 years were up, they had
    a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage.
    Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly
    nasty and ferocious beast.

    When the day of the big dog-fight finally
    arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very
    strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10
    feet long!

    Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for
    the Israelis. No one there seriously thought
    this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance
    against the growling beast over in the Arab camp.
    All the bookies took a look and predicted that
    the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

    As the cages were opened, the Dachshund very
    slowly waddled towards the center of the ring.

    The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged
    the giant ''wiener-dog''. As he got to within
    an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened
    its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in
    one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff
    of fur from the Arab killer dog's tail floating
    to the ground.

    The stunned crowd of international observers,
    bookies and media personnel let out a collective
    gasp of disbelief and surprise.

    The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and
    shaking their heads in disbelief.

    "We do not understand," said their leader, "Our
    top scientists and breeders worked for 5 long
    years with the meanest, biggest Doberman's,
    Rottweiler's and Siberian wolves, and they
    developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!"

    The Israelis replied

    "Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of
    Filipino plastic surgeons led by Vicky Belo
    working to make an alligator look like a
    Dachshund!"

  8. Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    #258
    BOY:miss laro tau plants vs zombies,

    GIRL:panu?

    BOY:plant ako, tapos zombie ka.
    Habang kinakain mo ako,
    tinitira kita!

  9. Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    21,574
    #259

  10. Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    13,039
    #260
    where did Angry Birds came from?


Joke Time!