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  1. Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    26,770
    #2371


    can you?

  2. Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    26,770
    #2372

  3. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,568
    #2373


    Kutis Ultimate Social Climber...

  4. Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,760
    #2374
    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
    Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

    "Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're
    cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
    need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
    They're going to STICK! Careful.

    CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
    Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

    Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
    Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

    The wife stared at him.

    "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
    The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

  5. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,568
    #2375

  6. Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,760
    #2376
    “Hello?”

    “Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

    “No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Sam.”

    After a brief pause, Daddy says,”But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Sam.”

    “Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”

    Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.

    Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door
    and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

    “Okay Daddy, just a minute.”

    A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
    “I did it Daddy.”

    “And what happened honey?” he asked.

    “Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
    ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

    “Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Sam?”

    “He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
    He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it.
    He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

    ***Long Pause***

    ***Longer Pause***

    ***Even Longer Pause***
    Then Daddy says,”Swimming pool? . . .Is this 222-45678?”

  7. Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    1,442
    #2377

  8. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,568
    #2378

  9. Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    626
    #2379
    A store that sells husbands opens in the city.

    “You may visit this store only once,” the sign at the entrance read. There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper can choose any single item from one floor, or can choose to go up to the next floor, but won’t be allowed to go back down except to exit the building.

    A woman goes in and works her way up. The signs on each floor read as follows: “Floor 1 - Men with jobs.” “Floor 2 - Men with jobs who love kids.” “Floor 3 - Men with jobs who love kids, and are extremely good-looking.”

    “Wow,” she says to herself, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: “Floor 4 - Men with jobs who love kids, are good-looking, and know housework.”

    “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor where the sign reads: “Floor 5 - Men with jobs who love kids, are good-looking, know housework, and are very romantic.” She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor. The sign reads: “Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men here. This floor exists as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.”

    To avoid gender-bias lawsuits, the store’s owner opened another store that sells wives. The first floor has wives who love ***. The second floor has wives who love *** and have money. Floors three to six have never been visited up to this day.

  10. Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    26,770
    #2380




    Sent from my iPad using Tsikot Car Forums

Joke Time!