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  1. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,566
    #1541

  2. Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    26,770
    #1542

  3. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,566
    #1543

  4. Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    26,770
    #1544

  5. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    3,754
    #1545
    TATAY: Pag di ka pumasa sa exam bukas wag mo na kong tatawagin Itay!
    JUAN: Opo tay!
    (Next day)
    TATAY: Musta exam?
    JUAN: Ok lang dude!

  6. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    456
    #1546
    George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously he goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.

    'I'm not sure what to do,' says the Devil. 'You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves.'

    George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

    The Devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

    'No!' said George. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day.'

    The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.

    ‘No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day.' commented George.

    The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said 'Yeah, I can handle this.'

    The Devil smiled and said, 'OK, Monica, you're free to go!'

  7. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    456
    #1547
    A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

    Last week, we took some friends to a new Indian restaurant, 'Muthu's Place,' and noticed that the Indian waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the Indian staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

    'Well, he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

    As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

    I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the Indian waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the Indian waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

    'Oh, certainly!' Then the Indian waiter lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'

    I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

    'Well,' he whispered, 'I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE OTHERS, BUT I USE THE SPOON.'

  8. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,566
    #1548

  9. Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    280
    #1549
    *carlos,

    haha. Andersen Consulting, more popularly know today as Accenture?

  10. Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,868
    #1550
    Quote Originally Posted by Monseratto View Post
    It's more fun in the Philippines... Welcome!

Joke Time!