Joke Time!

[renzo_d10]

Amo: Marunong ka bang
maglaba?

...Maid: Konti

...Amo: Eh magluto?

Maid: Konti

Amo: Sige, tanggap ka na.

Maid: Magkano po ba ang
sweldo ko?

Amo: Konti


-

Sa isang jeep may lalaking mag babayad kay manong driver.

Pasahero: manong bayad.
Manong Driver: saan galling?
Pasahero: sa akin.
......Manong Driver : papunta saan?
Pasahero: sayo


-

Girl: Uy! May joke ako!

Boy: Nakakatwa ba yan?
......
Girl: Hindi. Nakakaiyak. Heavy drama yung joke ko e. May tissue ka ba? Baka kasi bumaha dito ng luha dahil sa joke ko. Putek! Joke nga diba!?!?!?tapos iiyak ka p*k*u ka!

[SiRbossR]

Boy: uyy! May joke ako!

Girl: Ano un?

Boy: Joke lang. Wala.

:bwahaha:

[Hanren]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.



St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

[Hanren]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants ***, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"