Text Jokes!!!

**j_avonni** · October 13th, 2006 03:46 PM

No one can evr be satisfied w/ d ff
3 things in life:
1. mobile phone
2. automobile
3. wife
Bcoz there is always a new model available.

**jv20** · October 13th, 2006 04:25 PM

alone? im beside u
inlove? im hapi for you
hurt? u may cry on my shoulder
nid hug? my arms are yours
nid money? wala si jv! umalis! 2log!
Hu u? di na 2 no. nya!

**silhouette** · October 13th, 2006 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by tsupermario

gf: hubarin mo bra ko!
bf: yes dear..
gf: hubarin mo din panty ko!
bf: yes dear..
gf: sa susunod, huwag mo na isusuot ang mga gamit ko ha!!

baklesh...hehe. :sampay:

**j_avonni** · October 13th, 2006 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by jv20

alone? im beside u
inlove? im hapi for you
hurt? u may cry on my shoulder
nid hug? my arms are yours
nid money? wala si jv! umalis! 2log!
Hu u? di na 2 no. nya!

It just happened to me. Now I'm always out of town.

**dxx_ddf** · October 13th, 2006 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by j_avonni

No one can evr be satisfied w/ d ff
3 things in life:
1. mobile phone
2. automobile
3. wife
Bcoz there is always a new model available.

tama ka dyan sir.. automobile, taon taon merong bago. pambihira! mobile phone, bwan-bwan meron din.. wife??? pwede pa chicks, araw-araw bagooo...

**tsupermario** · October 13th, 2006 05:15 PM

sön:
papa,i lyk dat grl,
& i want 2 marry her!

Dad:
my s0n,dnt marry dat gurl,cz shes ur sistr,& ur mama d0esnt knw.

The next day...
ma,i wnt 2 marry dat grl,bt papa sed,
i shud n0t,bc0z shes my sis & u d0nt knw!

M0m:
my s0n,marry dat gurl cz ur papa s n0t ur father, & he d0esnt knw.. =)

=====

QUOTE FOR ALCOHOLICS

" A biG hAnGoveR LaSts 0nLy a dAy.. But tHe fuNny, hApy, sAd, tRuthfuL, eMbaRasSn dRunkeN mEmoRies wiL LaSt foRevEr..

=====

'10 QU0TABLE QU0TES'

1) better Late than pregnant.
2) pag my tyaga, Goodluck.
3) Aanhin pa ang dam0,kabay0 ba ak0?
4) Pg binat0 ka ng bat0,kawawa k.
5) kung my isinuks0k, may mabubuntiz!
6) it'z better 2 give, much better 2 receive.
7) Cleanlinez iz nxt 2 G0dlinez, 0ilinez iz nxt 2 blemishez.
8) taong naglalakad nang matulin, pawisin.
9) Pgkahaba haba man ng prusisyon, mauubusn din ng kandila.
10) honesty is... Such a lonely word

**outmap** · October 13th, 2006 09:48 PM

Binata: Okey pala pag ibabaong mabuti.

Dalaga: Okey nga sana, pero hirap ka namang bunutin. Ang lalaki pa ng ugat.

Tatay ng dalaga: Hoy, lalaki! Ano ‘yang ibinabaong mabuti na maugat, ha?!

Boyfriend: Ito pong halaman…

Tatay ng dalaga: Ahh… ehh… sige, ibaon mong mabuti nang hindi lumabas ang ugat!

**outmap** · October 13th, 2006 09:48 PM

Mateo: May asawa ka na ba?

GRO: Oo… sa isang butas sa likod, ha?

Mateo: Huh?! Bakit du’n ang gusto mo?

GRO: Ahh… ehh… kumbaga, ‘yung sa likod ang pan-contestant.

Mateo: At ‘yung sa harap?

GRO: Pang-home partner.

**outmap** · October 13th, 2006 09:49 PM

Misis: Anong excuse mo at inumaga ka ng uwi, aber?!

Mister: Ahh… ehh… nag-golf ako kasama si pare…

Misis: Ano?! Hanggang madaling-araw?

Mister: Gumamit kasi kami ng ‘night clubs.’

**outmap** · October 13th, 2006 09:50 PM

Juan: Father, nakita ko po ‘yung pilay, nagdarasal sa altar. Tapos, itinapon ang saklay niya!

Pari: Diyos ko! Isa itong milagro! Nasaan siya?!

Juan: Nandoon po… nakadapa at dumudugo ang ilong.

**Elroi** · October 14th, 2006 04:34 AM

Originally Posted by outmap

Juan: Father, nakita ko po ‘yung pilay, nagdarasal sa altar. Tapos, itinapon ang saklay niya!

Pari: Diyos ko! Isa itong milagro! Nasaan siya?!

Juan: Nandoon po… nakadapa at dumudugo ang ilong.

**j_avonni** · October 25th, 2006 03:10 PM

MISTER: wala akong tulog dahil naiisip ko P500K na utang ko kay pare.
MISIS: madali yan! Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mong hindi ka
makakabayad sa utang mo para siya naman ang hindi makatulog!
-------------------------
REPORTER: Tita Cory, kung buhay si Ninoy ngayon, baka pangulo na siya.
CORY: Naka bilanggo siguro.
REPORTER: bakit naman po?
CORY: baka napatay na niya si Kris.
---------------------------
JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord,
swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.

**j_avonni** · October 25th, 2006 03:14 PM

Amo: Inday, titira dito ang biyenan ko ng 3 buwan. Ito ang listahan
ng mga favorite nyang pagkain.
Maid: Opo, sir.
Amo: Kapag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!

Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.

Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.

Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas!
Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?!
Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis
eh.

**chua_riwap** · October 25th, 2006 04:15 PM

Originally Posted by j_avonni

-------------------------
REPORTER: Tita Cory, kung buhay si Ninoy ngayon, baka pangulo na siya.
CORY: Naka bilanggo siguro.
REPORTER: bakit naman po?
CORY: baka napatay na niya si Kris.
---------------------------

Maaring naging totoo ito..........He-he!

**mikaztro** · October 25th, 2006 04:55 PM

KOTONG COP

Pulis: Bayad ko sa siopao.
Tsino: O makit ikaw bayad?
Pulis: Utos ni chief wala na kotong daw
Tsino: Ah ganun ba! Mula ngayon baboy na lagay sa siopao hindi na daga!

***

BED TIME SONG FOR MEN
Nipple nipple little star
can i suck u in my car
Up above ur breast so high
Always milky never dry
Let me press it dont feel shy
In the bra it will be dry.

***

[BOSS AND GRO[/B]

Boss: Let me DO you just one more time. It will be quick. I'll throw P1,000 on the floor and before you bend and pick it up, I'll be done!

GRO liked the proposal and called her BF.

BF: Ok, but ask for P2,000 and be very quick to pickup the money.
GRO: Ok hon.

After 4 hours, BFcalled and asked what happened...

GRO: Now lang natapos! Ang walangya..puro coins tinapon.

*******

**mikaztro** · October 25th, 2006 05:10 PM

LOLA AT APO
Apo: Lola, galing ng titser ko..
Lola: Bakit apo?
Apo: Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal
Lola: Aba eh di marunong ka na gumalang?
Apo: Tanga ka pala eh...syempre!

+++++++

BINATILYO SA GAY BAR
Isang binatilyo pumasok sa gay bar.
Nalaman ng nanay niya at nagalit.

Nanay: Ano ang nakita mo doon na di mo dapat makita?
Anak: Si tatay po...Tumitili!!!!

**mikaztro** · October 25th, 2006 05:11 PM

HOST OF NOONTIME SHOW

Host: Misis, ilan anak ninyo?
Misis: 6 na boys po! Lahat pangalan LITO! Para sigaw ko lang isang name tapos 6

agad ang lalapit!
Host: Pano kung 1 bata lang kailangan ninyo?
Misis: Tatawagin ko apelyido nya!

**mikaztro** · October 25th, 2006 05:13 PM

HIGHEST FORM OF LAZINESS

A guy lying on top of a girl both naked and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

**mikaztro** · October 25th, 2006 05:22 PM

AN EXECUTIVE

An executive comes home after d0g$ty1e $3x with secretary in the office.

Wife: Darling, where have you been? You look very tired!
Husband: In the office....working like a dog!

SI JUAN AT SI JOSE
Juan: Nag away kami ni misis. Nag historical nanaman siya.
Jose: Pare, Baka ibig mong sabihin eh hysterical siya.
Juan: Hindi! Historical! Inuungkat nya lahat ng kasalanan ko na nakalipas.

KAMBAL BINYAGAN

Dalawang kambal bininyagan...

Pari: Ano ang pangalan ng bata?
Nanay: Honda father.
Pari: Eh itong isa?
Nanay: Toyota po father.
Pari: Ganun ba? Anong ibubuhos ko--krudo o gasolina?

**j_avonni** · October 25th, 2006 06:24 PM

The ideal man goes home early, doesn't flirt,
doesn't drink, doesn't gamble, di mahilig sa chicks,
in short . . .

HINDI TSIKOTEERS!

(Note: the original is HINDI IKAW!)

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