Parenting - How should children be treated?

[Taurus]

Parents,

Poll:

What kind of a parent are you? Or your parents?
"Nurturant parent model"
"Strict father/mother model"
"Attachment parenting"
"Taking Children Seriously"
"Parenting For Everyone"

I have a 4 year old son who's a preschooler and I am having a hard time disciplining him. Of course I would want to go follow a non-violent method and not :bottom: since this will only lead to more misbehaviour in the long run. But I sometimes get to scold him when I can't hold my temper , but then again I think that this may not be that effective also. How do you tend to discipline your child in times that they are on the period of an outburst of anger.

BTW, he has a 6 month old sister and we think that he is just jealous on some attention that we are not giving him proper.

[1D4LV]

me and my wife's style to our 7-year old son.

when he was 2 and 3, he was really super kulit, so andun yung disiplina and pagiging strict namin. pero ngayon hindi na. in fact, i treat my kid as an adult already. pero minsan, hindi maiiwasan na nai-sheshelter ko pa, dahil kaisa-isang anak eh.

i let him also taste the real value of life. example, imbes na naka kotse, i let him try to ride a jeep, a tricycle. one time, nagpunta kami sa mga byenan ko sa QC (im from las pinas). i parked my car sa makati, and took the MRT up to North Avenue with my wife and kid.

i also encourage my kid to give what he thinks he has in excess, but not expect to receive. we teach him that there are people who have less than what we have and we encourage him to be kind to those people.

i also taught him how to play golf.... hehehehe. in fact he can hit 50 yards na using a pitching wedge... hehehehe. taught him how to ride a bike (using trainers first, tapos tinaggal ko na..) the basics of boxing, and how to swim. next lesson: basketball.

don't be too strict or too loose with your children. be reasonable too. let him/her make her own decisions. it will be very useful to the kid when he/she grows up. kung tingin nyong reasonable yung decision ng kid, then so be it, pag hindi, explain the reasons why the decision can't be done, and offer alternatives. but yes, let him/her enjoy his/her life as a kid. yung anak ko, sa kanya yung plasma tv ko every friday night to sunday morning dahil sa kanyang PS2. ginagamit ko na lang is yung conventional 21 inch TV namin.

and lastly, teach him/her good values. Christ-centered values. everything will turn out to be fine.

another next lesson: the principles of savings.... hehehehehe.

[skyglider]

me and my wife's style to our 7-year old son.

when he was 2 and 3, he was really super kulit, so andun yung disiplina and pagiging strict namin. pero ngayon hindi na. in fact, i treat my kid as an adult already. pero minsan, hindi maiiwasan na nai-sheshelter ko pa, dahil kaisa-isang anak eh.

i let him also taste the real value of life. example, imbes na naka kotse, i let him try to ride a jeep, a tricycle. one time, nagpunta kami sa mga byenan ko sa QC (im from las pinas). i parked my car sa makati, and took the MRT up to North Avenue with my wife and kid.

i also encourage my kid to give what he thinks he has in excess, but not expect to receive. we teach him that there are people who have less than what we have and we encourage him to be kind to those people.

i also taught him how to play golf.... hehehehe. in fact he can hit 50 yards na using a pitching wedge... hehehehe. taught him how to ride a bike (using trainers first, tapos tinaggal ko na..) the basics of boxing, and how to swim. next lesson: basketball.

don't be too strict or too loose with your children. be reasonable too. let him/her make her own decisions. it will be very useful to the kid when he/she grows up. kung tingin nyong reasonable yung decision ng kid, then so be it, pag hindi, explain the reasons why the decision can't be done, and offer alternatives. but yes, let him/her enjoy his/her life as a kid. yung anak ko, sa kanya yung plasma tv ko every friday night to sunday morning dahil sa kanyang PS2. ginagamit ko na lang is yung conventional 21 inch TV namin.

and lastly, teach him/her good values. Christ-centered values. everything will turn out to be fine.

another next lesson: the principles of savings.... hehehehehe.

nice one sir hg! this is a very nice tip...

yung baby ko din 2 years old pa lang ngayon kaya super kulit... sinasanay na din namin ni mrs sa public transport... tuwang-tuwa nga sa LRT & MRT, ayaw bumaba akala niya laruan pa din...

[niky]

I'm too paranoid to let my kid ride in anything than a government-approved child seat... ...but the LRT-MRT thing is a neat idea.

Our kid is 20 months old. She's a handful (like a boy). We do tell her what she can't do, but she's not at the age where she can understand punishment yet. I've got a similar conundrum, myself... I don't believe in corporal punishment (I had enough of that as a child), but when I see how my siblings turned out, considering their upbringing was more laissez-faire, I'm not satisfied that it builds character.

Better the typical cruel, abusive, telenovela-silly parents... their kids always turn out to be saints on TV...

But seriously, I think firm but fair is the way to go... no spanking, though.

[city]

no to spanking
no to humiliation
no to scolding
no to corporal punishments
no to scaring
no to violent communication


I treat my daughter with respect and dignity. Shower her with love, understanding and compassion.....guess what...no need to discipline her

[Eismann]

No matter what age they are, I think giving them respect is the best way to raise them up. Of course we love them, their our kids. And for sure they love us. Give them the respect they deserve and they will give it back in return.

[toyboxph]

just in case you are very angry with your child and you need to punish him/her, ask your child to go to his room first. this way, your anger will subside at maiiwasan mo yung physical or verbal hurt sa kanya. by the time he's in his room and you follow him after a few minutes or seconds, you may be able to talk to him objectively. whatever you do, do not do anything to your child out of anger or pikon. remember to do everything out of love.

[1D4LV]

just in case you are very angry with your child and you need to punish him/her, ask your child to go to his room first. this way, your anger will subside at maiiwasan mo yung physical or verbal hurt sa kanya. by the time he's in his room and you follow him after a few minutes or seconds, you may be able to talk to him objectively. whatever you do, do not do anything to your child out of anger or pikon. remember to do everything out of love.

in the case of my wife and myself, this is very true. but instead of letting our child go to his room and let our anger subside, kami ang lumalabas sa veranda at nagpapahangin. after 10 minutes, wala na yung galit, and we explain to our kid what angered us and what should be the right thing to do in order for us not to be angry again.

we explain to him that hindi kami galit sa kanya, pero nagalit kami sa ginawa nya.

tapos sabay hug...

[vhenok]

Just do tell them the very basic...what is good and what is bad for them...

Always have a talk with your kids, explain in the manner in which they can comprehend why they should do it or should not.

Wag yung konting mali bugbog agad, aba'y ibang usapan yun...basta treat them in a nice way.

Some disciplines na nakita kong na-adapt ng mga kids ko:
- no pc/gaming/late tv-watching on weekdays, except if may assignments requiring the use of the pc
- once I say "no", stop na agad sila (may kasamang paliwanag of course kung bakit)
- yung eldest ko, during grocery or shopping, pinapaliwanag na namin kung ano yung bagay na kailangan bilhin (if necessity talaga), if sa tingin namin luho, we explain to her na di natin need yon, or better yet, ini-incalcate ko sa mind nya na we need to save to but those things. And also, we taught her the knowledge of value, alam na nya if ano yung mga less expensive items by merely looking sa price, and she looks closely na din sa quality if money's worth ba yun.

haaay...kwentong magulang hehe!

[m2's kumander]

we still don't have kids...pero i won't spank them. as in no to spanking, no scolding...di batas militar!

i think parents should talk to them in an adult like manner.
m2 and i agreed that we won't change the stuff in our house if we have kids. just like what vhenok stated, just tell them what is right or wrong. if they commit something wrong and hurt themselves int he process...asked them what they learned and never scold them. and express your love to them

[red07]

This is a nice thread , very informative sa ibat ibang style ng parenting, tsikot dad & mom's keep it coming.

up to you sir Vroom-Vroom!

I am beginning to have an idea on how to treat my little red (shown in my avatar) when he grows up.

[vice]

Tama treat your child with respect. Kung kelangan pagsabihan, dapat ine-explain sa bata bakit hindi tama yung ginawa nya. Hindi pwedeng sagot yung "BASTA!"

Kung may yaya kayo, dapat ganun din, dapat i-explain nila sa bata bakit mali ang ginagawa nila.

[Taurus]

This is a nice thread , very informative sa ibat ibang style ng parenting, tsikot dad & mom's keep it coming.

up to you sir Vroom-Vroom!

I am beginning to have an idea on how to treat my little red (shown in my avatar) when he grows up.

Thanks Red, appreciate it.

Actually my dad says that my kid is my total opposite, he always say that iwan lang daw nya ko sa isang tabi then alis sya sandali tapos pagbalik nya nandun pa din daw ako kung paano nya ako iniwan , my dad is also strict and disciplinarian. I believe its all because of the new generation today.

My main problem with my kid is he likes to yell on top of his voice especially when disagreeing. He also like to tease his little sister all the time lalo na pag tulog that's why we sometimes get mad kasi kawawa naman.

[theveed]

It really depends on the child's personality as well, you can have a cookie-cutter solution for all your kids... Some say spanking doesn't work and will only lead to worse behaviour, that I don't agree on, again it really depends on the child and HOW THE PARENT RATIONALIZES THE PUNISHMENT.

For crying out loud, do you really think a kid cries because of the pain? Unless your a sadistic parent, your spankings are not painful enough to induce real pain, it's fear that they are crying about, not physical pain.

I can make my kid(s) (I consider my niece as partly my daughter) cry by just staring at them if they know they're wrong, but if they don't think they've done anything wrong, even if I yell at them it means squat to them.

In the end, it's communication, how you discipline is up to you, but if you don't tell the child (in a way that they can comprehend) why they are punished, it doesn't really matter what form of punishment you slap on them, it ain't gonna work.

Your child will only respond to your "disciplinary actions" if they respect your authority. If they feel that they can manipulate you (trust me, they KNOW), no matter what you say or do, you won't be respected by the child, regardless of age.

Being "the boss" doesn't mean you can shout the loudest or spank the hardest, it's the one who can give meaning and reasoning to what's going on in time of chaos that'll win this tug-of-war.

Give kids more credit than they look, they are WAY smarter in terms of understanding your intentions than you think.

Kinda like the forums hehe.

Lastly, if you have a yaya, don't expect your parenting skills to improve hehe.

[thebat]

no to spanking
no to humiliation
no to scolding
no to corporal punishments
no to scaring
no to violent communication


I treat my daughter with respect and dignity. Shower her with love, understanding and compassion.....guess what...no need to discipline her

I do the same thing sir with my 2 kids - 8yr old girl and 7yr old boy.

Swerte rin ako kse no need to discipline them kse ang babait nila sobra. Me and my wife are really happy and proud of them.

Now, I believe na namama yung kakulitan ng mga bata - sa daddy or sa mommy. Try to look back kung nung bata kayo e makulit at salbahe kayo, chances are me traits nyo na mamanahin so better be ready and at the same time try to double effort your treatment to them.

Siguro kung makulit at me pagkasalbahe din ang mga kids ko I could have treated them harshly din pero nothing physical pero me parusa. Buti na lang no need to do it.

Ang treatment ko sa mga kids ko parang barkada lang at kalaro. Playmate nila ako at lagi lang ako nagbibiro sa kanila. Lambingan lagi. So happy lahat !

[CoDer]

Agree ako kay boss theveed. Kids can be extremely good at manipulating you if they think they can.

Corporal punishment ako sa mga anak ko kung kailangan.