a good read, nicely written by a friend from korea who's now married to a brit...

In the midst of my very preggy, penguin-like state, Dave and I still managed to stay for a few days in Daejeon city (three hours by bus from Andong) to attend a Pinay friend's daughter's birthday party and to visit some of our other friends as well.

I had several painful contractions on our way home though, and it was really scary. I thought I was going to have the baby right there in the bus. So that's it. No more travelling for me until the baby comes.

As usual, it was rejuvenating to meet my Pinay friends. We may come from different places in the Philippines, and different backgrounds, but you know, as long as there's a videoke, a lot of food, and no pain-in-the-ass killjoys, Pinoys will always bond together and have fun. We do share one big thing in common though: All of us have non-Pinoy husbands.

From endless talks about pregnancy (three of us are preggy!), life in Korea, family planning, Philippine news and showbiz chuchus, etc., we ended up talking about our families in the Philippines. And what can I say? It was sad and annoying. It really made me appreciate my whole family (especially my parents for not having tons of children) and my current state of life more.

I'm talking about the culture of dependence among Filipinos who have family members working or living abroad.

To be clear, I'm not counting those who depend on their spouses for financial support, or those who sacrifice being away from their spouses in order to send their kids to good schools or save up money for a house or a business or whatever it is that will make their lives better. I'm not even counting those who depend on their siblings to go to college (although I don't think it's fair for older children to carry this burden) or old parents whose old-age and weak health leave them no other choice but to depend on their children in order to live.

What annoys me are those people who shamelessly ask for money all the time and actually feel entitled doing so because they assume that their sibling/relative abroad has a better life than they do. Take one of my Pinay friends, for instance. She sends her mother money every month and her 7 siblings all get a share. What's the money for? For house bills, for her siblings' children's school expenses, pambili ng gas, bigas, gatas, etc. Mostly, to support her siblings' baby factories. Worse, some of them don't even bother to work. As in, mega umasa na lang sa remittances ni ate. Of course, it makes perfect sense. Why bother to look for fish when the fish just jumps on your plate every time you need it? She tried a couple of times to send them huge amounts of money to start businesses of their own (freely given, as usual, since the concept of "paying up" seems to be an unknown concept among families) but it always ended up the same. Some new sorts of imaginary expenses come from nowhere and before you know it, kaboom! the money's gone, and all you can do is sigh.

Institutionalized highway robbery. It makes me angry to think about it.

Worse, they even have the nerve to say that the money's not enough or badmouth her whenever she refuses. How selfish and shameless is that? These Pinays have their own families to worry about. True, their money is not in peso, but they're not spending in peso either. Plus, most of them are full-time housewives, which means that the money they're sending are all coming from their husband's hard work. Luckily, most of the husbands don't hold this against them. Still, nakakahiya pa rin.

And the dilemma doesn't end there. How many Pinoys abroad deliberately try to avoid going back to the Philippines because they'll end up being swarmed by relatives to the nth degree? Worse, if you come back during the holiday season. As in feeling nila ikaw si Santa. Most of them don't come to just see you because they miss you, they come to take a share of your balikbayan box and of course, some "pamasko". Pinakain mo na't lahat, ikaw pa ang magbibigay ng pamasahe. Tapos, asus, ikaw pa ang kuripot 'pag "ube" lang at hindi "ninoy" ang ibinigay mo.

And no, I don't believe that this is a result of widespread poverty. My family is not rich either, but they don't obligate me or push me against the wall with all these burdens and financial responsibilities. My parents could, if they wanted to. Afterall, they shed blood and sweat to send me to good schools, and I'm the eldest child. Of course, there have been instances when they had emergency financial problems and as a family member, I wanted to help or pitch in. But then again, it's a gesture of appreciation, and not an obligation. They understand that Dave and I are not exactly living on a bed of roses.

Thus, I couldn't help but wonder: Aside from the problem of brain-drain, and families drifting apart, and a government relaxing on overseas remittances, is this phenomenon of Pinoy diaspora also creating a new breed of leeches and a double-standard or false sense of filial piety?

Nakaka-kablam! At akala ko pa naman, ang mga Pinoy eh galit sa mga walanghiya.