Your Friends Scare Me

[HyBrideVo]

Question: Why do I feel threatened by my partner's opposite-*** friends?


Answer: If your partner is enjoying the company of another person, and that person is someone of the opposite *** from your partner, the answer is pretty obvious: you're worried about your mate becoming ***ually attracted to that person, and, well, you know what happens next....

It's quite common for a couple to struggle with the thorny issue of opposite-*** friends. Sometimes the problem arises from one partner refusing to let go of past boyfriends or girlfriends. Individuals who keep the old flames' phone numbers in their contact file believe it doesn't make sense to dispose of the friendship just because the romance fizzled out.

Some opposite-*** relationships spring from the workplace. In many job sites, including the military, men and women work side by side. When put into high-intensity situations, people bond. Some people, even if they're married, think that it's artificial to limit these positive work experiences to the office. They figure that if it feels good to be around their officemate during work, it should feel good spending time together after work as well.

Even though your mate sees lots of good reasons to foster these friendships, you have an even better reason not to: because it threatens your relationship. You're concerned that if your partner has a friendship with a person today, it could grow into a love affair tomorrow. And you have every reason to be concerned.

The Warning Signs
When one individual shares intimacies with another of the opposite ***, they develop a familiarity that binds them closer together. This connection breeds feelings of "specialness" that leaves each with the sense that they have a unique understanding of each other -- one that other people can't appreciate. The big problem with this arrangement is that it excludes you and directs the energies that should be going into your relationship out toward other people.

Your mate may believe that opposite-*** friendships are harmless because his or her friend is married. But that's just dead wrong! Many friendships outside of marriage start as "just friends" and grow closer and more intimate. Because these friendships are so fresh, interesting and compelling, it's not long before the two people involved start to think they are more compatible than their own life partners. It's a small step from that realization to the development of a full-blown affair, and the destruction of a marriage.

Do you need to be concerned?

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Is the person someone whom your partner would consider "attractive"?

2. Are they spending time together outside of the office (even for office lunches) when other people are not around?

3. Has your partner excluded this "friend" from your life, either by nottelling you when they are meeting, refusing to introduce you, or going into another room to talk on the phone when you are nearby?

4. Does your partner tell you that he or she has the kind of relationship with this friend that you just couldn't understand?

A "yes" to question #1 and any of the other three questions means your partner's friendship may be a threat to your relationship.
If your mate is involved in a special relationship that makes you uncomfortable, don't ignore that feeling.

You've got to ask for what you need -- for your mate to end further personal and exclusive friendships with people of the opposite ***. Remember, your partner may not be intending to hurt you, and may honestly feel like there is nothing to worry about. You can help him or her understand your concerns; it may help to read this article together.

Finally, your partner may feel it's rude or unfair to the "friend" to end the exclusivity of the friendship. That may be right, but frankly, not taking action is rude and unfair to you. In all cases, the needs of your relationship outweigh the needs of a friend. After all, you should always be number one on your partner's buddy list.


Full Article Here Your Friends Scare Me

What are your thoughts about this?

[dazedchiq]

I think it just boils down to trusting your partner, your self-esteem, and common sense.

[BlueGirl]

Trust & Honesty lang yan para walang conflicts between friends.. unless na merong built in insecurity yung tao eh walang cure un..

[alwayz_yummy]

its a matter of trust(not condom) and loyalty...

[n2knee]

trust??? :lol: sooner or later, magkakaroon kayo ng problema ng significant other ninyo. at guess kong kanino sya tatakbo. sa kanyang "kaibigan". then...alam nyo na siguro kung ano ang susunod. maraming cases na ang ganyang nangyari. yang mga sinasabi ninyong "trust and honesty" ay horse crap. that is easier said than done.

[Walter]

trust??? :lol: sooner or later, magkakaroon kayo ng problema ng significant other ninyo. at guess kong kanino sya tatakbo. sa kanyang "kaibigan". then...alam nyo na siguro kung ano ang susunod. maraming cases na ang ganyang nangyari. yang mga sinasabi ninyong "trust and honesty" ay horse crap. that is easier said than done.

[mamichula]

^^I beg to disagree. A strong relationship should be based on trust and honesty. Sometimes those are the only things that you can hold on to specially when they cannot be around for each other all the time.

And it depends on the person that you're with. Cguro you can say that trust and honesty is just crap if you know that the woman that you're with is a total flirt who would let just anyone get into her pants. In that case there's no point in trusting,that just means na hindi ka magaling pumili ng babae.And if you think that about her why are you even a couple in the first place? What's the point?

But if you know that you are with a good girl, smart enough not to let anyone prey on her even on her most vulnerable moment (when she's down), then there's no reason to be worried.

[cutedoc]

its a matter of trust and fidelity among partners, once a problem starts, make sure that both parties tries to resolve it, extend your hand and reach your partner, dont let burden burn the vows youve made in front of god.

[tsupermario]

reminds me of this portion of chris rock's "bring the pain"

hilarious :bwahaha:

[sea.piper]

[SIZE=2]As I understand from the starter, what he is trying to emphasize here, is that we should always be aware with the people around our partner.
When a person is already engaged or married he/she should minimize bonding with her/his friends especially with opposite *** which may lead to intimate relationship.
I've been fruitfully married for 21 years. For me, there must be a balance between trust and honesty. Trust for me in a relationship is not enough to bind you together. You can trust your partner, but u cannot trust all the people around your partner. You don't really know them well. When you fully give your trust, your partner might take advantage of it. In a relationship, worries should always be there. If you are worried it shows your love and concern for your partner. Give and take in a relationship should be practiced. Understanding and open communication is vital, as much as possible don't hurt her/his feelings. Always try to put yourself in his/her shoe. and always try your best to show your love and affection.
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